INSPIRATION FOR SALESPEOPLE: A COLLECTION OF HEARTWARMING QUOTATIONS TO MOVE THE SOUL
07/04
Happy independence day, I suppose... Independence is one of the supposed morals that these quotes are very fond of pushing, or at least its sister, leadership. I'm pretty much on my way to being finished with the initial glut of quotes, but fear not, there's many more where they came from.
Anyhow, I suppose I'll press on to the meat of this particular section- four new quotes, each one better.. well, each one therer than the last, at any rate. I think I'll go with an animal-themed selection of quotes today, although I may run out before too long. Now, to the quotes!
1. "He who runs with the elephants is often trampled."
Deeper meaning:
There is no deeper meaning, actually- my friend and I made this one up while we were being forced to write these cards. I suppose if you were to look at it, it could mean don't get in over your head, but really, it was just a cheap excuse to make fun of some overweight salespeople- at least that's what the manager thought after he cracked up upon reading it on a particularly portly salesman's card. Ah, well... the best humour is unintended, I suppose.
It means what it says and it says what it meant,
An elephant's flabby, 100%.
He could, and would, go trample you
He could, and would, stampede you too
He could and would while selling chairs,
He could and would... oh, Lord, who cares
Why do I bother with this rhyming
I simply have no sense of timing
That said, I think this is enough
Poetry on stupid stuff
So go now, would you, to the quote
Before I read what I just wrote
And realize it makes me sigh
And wonder: yeah, I wrote it... why???
And now, in the spirit of elephants...
Deeper meaning:
This particular quote can seep into even the thickest of skulls. Reworded, it would indicate, that, in the context of my workplace, when salespeople fight, it is the customers that suffer. This is wholly false. Usually, it is the salespeople themselves that suffer, while the customers get a good laugh, shake their heads, and go off to another store to buy approximately the same thing from approximately the same people. That's the secret of furniture retail- they're all in cahoots, and they cycle through personnel faster than a revolving door in China.
2. "When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers."
This is an alleged elephant handshake, but we all know what they're REALLY doing- wrecking up someone's lawn!
Deeper meaning:
More of the first, just put in slightly nicer wording. Don't get in over your head and stuff. Yes, we get the point. Salespeople are too foolish to take care of themselves.
While this is largely true, there's still no reason to rub it in, now is there?
In other news, I found an old newspaper propaganda piece in our storage room today, which claimed that "every associate hired must have the potential to enter management."
Potential, it seems, has lost all meaning.
3. "The higher the monkey climbs, the greater its danger."
This particular monkey is an evil Treeloot.com monkey, which revels in making you think you're on the right track, while sporadically becoming pissed off if you don't click on ad banners. What a wretched little monkey.
Deeper meaning:
Another one of my friend's strokes of genius, this quote actually makes sense, unlike the first. Its meaning is pretty much obvious, so there's not much else to say here- other than, of course, it's really, really cheesy. Oh, and one of the managers really liked it. Then again, managers will like the strangest things- I once made these ugly graphs for this one manager, and she made me reproduce them for five months straight, even though they were hideous and useless. Then again, she was pretty useless herself- not hideous, I suppose, but certainly woefully unqualified for her job.
4. "Work like the root- harvest all opportunity."
Unfortunately, this particular root was harvested, rather than harvesting.
...and so on, and so forth. That's all for now, but expect more sooner or later.
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