INSPIRATION FOR SALESPEOPLE: A COLLECTION OF HEARTWARMING QUOTATIONS TO MOVE THE SOUL
06/26
I'm still slogging through my original set of quotes here, and will likely be doing so for some time. The problem is, the manager's little monthly booklet came woefully well-equipped with trite garbage the likes of which only self-help types can come up with. In fact, it's highly unlikely that any self-help type could come up with the volume of garbage pumped into each propaganda-packed issue. If I could remember the name of this dreck, I'd happily put it up here, but alas, I made up the quotes last month, so I'm at a loss. Oh, well. Not like you'll ever know the difference, right?
Anyhow, this edition's lame quotes feature the second rate ones that I usually had to put up with. I call them second-rate due to their length- typically, these were more than one line long, so they were really a pain in the ass to grind out twenty times for the ungrateful bastards who would, in all likelihood, never read the damned things anyway. With that, on to the hackneyed wisdom!
1. "There are no failures in life- only missed opportunities."
Deeper meaning:
There is no deeper meaning, really- this is just blatant justification for all the mediocrity that exists out there. It's just a nice way of patting someone on the shoulder, giving them a vote of confidence, and then firing them the next day because they suck so badly.
Try looking at this and then saying the above with
a straight face.
...That's what I thought.
And now, in the same vein of opportunity-themed quotes...
Deeper meaning:
This particular quote seems to offer hope to those who have no basis for any. Saying, essentially, that effort will overcome lack of natural ability/circumstance/whatever else might come up in day-to-day life, this is another bald-faced lie. You can go through life trying your damnedest to succeed and die at forty when you get hit by a bus while a spoiled rich kid lives to 400 years in a luxurious home. Whatever this quote might have you believe, life's not fair, and don't expect it to suddenly become thus just because you want it to.
2. "If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door."
Sketchy reports indicate that opportunity was knocked up by this Door and fled to Peru with two half-human, half-Opportunistic offspring. Now hiding out in the Andean mountains, the half-breeds sell coffee beans individually to unsuspecting tourists to make ends meet.
Deeper meaning:
Stand up and take charge! The people in charge are obviously incompetent, so don't waste your time with them! Strange, isn't it, that this message was promoted among salespeople, a group that, with their average maturity of a kindergarten student, are uniquely unsuited to such a message. Leadership is all well and good, I suppose, but when it amounts to petty squabbling and catfights(albeit between full-grown men) in back offices, the message has probably grown muddled somewhere along the way, wouldn't you say?
3. "Good leaders are scarce, so I'm following myself!"
A good manifestation of this particular ideal. Upset with the disturbingly homoerotic/ incestuous /sexually confused turn the Imperial Family takes, Maximus cleverly plots to be discredited, glorified in combat, and then killed in a masterstroke of cunning and leadership.
Deeper meaning:
Well, that's a good question, to tell you the truth. It could be one of two things- settle for less cuz it's not too bad or avoid temptation. Either way, it's not terribly applicable to either sales or management. I think it must've snuck into the quote book when they were running short on cheesy material; after all, you can only pester famous people for so long until the profundity they manage to create is laced with swearing, death threats, and other assorted abuse. This, in general, does not make for printable stuff, seeing as "Fuck you you fucking fuck fuck" is mostly uninspiring.
4. "The road to success is littered with appealing parking spaces."
Just try parallel parking with this bad boy.
...and so on, and so forth. That's all for now, but expect more sooner or later.
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