INSPIRATION FOR SALESPEOPLE: A COLLECTION OF HEARTWARMING QUOTATIONS TO MOVE THE SOUL
06/16
Where I work, each month the salespeople are given target cards. What are these, you ask? Well, they're cards, as might be derived from the name, and on each is a name, date, target, and inspirational quote. The sad fact of the matter is that only one or two of them ever use the cards, and of those, it's probably a fairly safe bet to say that neither actually reads them. Anyhow, there's trite advice, windy drabble, and all means of sententious garbage just oozing off their surfaces, so I figured somebody may as well benefit from all the collected wisdom. Many of these quotes are taken from some sort of little managerial pamphlet our store manager receives monthly. Frighteningly enough, he actually buys into this sort of drivel. I think it's a managerial complex, actually. When my mother managed the customer service department of an ill-fated pyramid scheme in the mid-90s, she listened to all manner of bright, chipper, advice filled tapes, heartily advising anyone foolish enough to listen to "Feel the fear and do it anyway", "diversify your skill levels", "Develop a positive rapport with your support staff and with customers also" and to always remember that "a sucker is born every minute"(This is where the pyramid scheme came in; however, it was mixed with a bunch of gibberish about Multi-Level Marketing, the dignified name for the procedure).
Anyhow, below are the first in a series of these splendid quotations, along with an explanation of their deeper meaning. Enjoy, and take the advice to heart. Wait, you'd better not.
1. "She/He who leads, succeeds."
Deeper meaning:
Obviously, everyone can't be a leader; that said, however, management types like to propagate the myth that everyone has the potential and power to lead, despite the obvious falsehood of that statement. The behaviour of salespeople could certainly be explained by adherence to this principle; their pushy, take-charge attitudes are ample evidence of their attempts to take charge.
This graphic is taken from Leader.com, an apparent supplier of technology. Judging from their terminology, they certainly think they've succeeded. The fact that nobody's ever heard of them certainly shouldn't be a deterrent... After all, if you think you're good, then you're good, right?
Deeper meaning:
This particular quote takes advantage of the greed inherent in the grubby soul of every salesperson. It cautions them to do things intelligently, lest they lose money. This usually doesn't prevent them from doing abhorrently stupid things such as lying, infighting, and exhibiting a chronic inability either to write tidily or use a computer.
2. "I think, therefore I am; paid."
This is, without a doubt, the ugliest dollar sign I've ever laid eyes on.
Deeper meaning:
Sometimes the classics are the best. As the hidden meaning is fairly evident-nobody really expects people forced to stand on their feet thirteen hours a day pandering to irate bitches to be particularly interested in the joys of reading- little explanation is required herein.
3. "Don't judge a book by its cover."
This is the sort of person usually cautioned about with this quotation. They wander in, spattered with paint, hands caked with grime, and ask to buy ten thousand dollars worth of furniture with the cash they bring with them. The only sort of person who carries giant rolls of hundreds, usually.
To mulletsgalore.com - please don't kill me for stealing your picture :)
you rule!
Deeper meaning:
It takes a REAL MAN to do the work when the going gets tough, so leave things to the manager, since they're really the only competent ones in the entire store. A good lesson to be learned in life, I suppose, although it can also be construed to mean that you should take charge when things become dicey. That'd result in unmitigated disaster, however, so it's probably meant the other way. Then again, the root of the problem is these quotes were taken from a managerial periodical, and were likely meant to inspire the average insecure manager. Handing them out to salespeople is just an ambiguous, open invitation to disaster.
4. "Anyone can steer the ship when the waters are calm.."
I'd be interested to see anyone steer this bad boy in waters that weren't calm.
...and so on, and so forth. I have about a million of these, so I'll just use them as a sort of glue to fill in the days when I'm too lazy to do a real update. Until then, remember- (s)he who leads succeeds!.. So lead. Or succeed. Or do one to prove this quote wrong and not the other. Or mangle sentences as with the previous sentence herein. Or just stop reading this. A wiser plan, that.
This page deserves a giant ugly button! Go back home now!