Sephy Sephy Sephy Cloud: Damn! Why the hell do I keep hearing the words, Sephy sephy sephy in my head? Sephiroth: It's because I'm controlling you right now, you dim-witted twit! Cloud: Oh. Well, stop it. Sephiroth: Why? Cloud: Because it's annoying. Sephiroth: Oh. Okay. Sorry. By the way, Sephy Sephy Sephy is the name of this fan fic. Cloud: That's a stupid name. Sephiroth: I think it's quite godly, myself. Cloud: Oh shut up. Sephiroth: And now... Sephy Sephy Sephy By James Chang nikken@erols.com Zacks: Hey, Cloud! Get up! We're going to Nibelheim! Cloud: I'm nauseous... Sephiroth: Wimp. (Cloud, Sephiroth, and Zacks enter Nibelheim) Cloud: Crap! It's Tifa! Someone hide me! Zacks: Why? Cloud: She doesn't know that I never made it to soldier! Zacks: Sure you did. You just never made it to first class. Sephiroth: You're a scrub soldier. Cloud: Oh shut up. Later.... Sephiroth: Can this be? Am I an ancient? (Sephiroth reads the books in the Shinra Mansion) Sephiroth: THE HUMANS WILL PAY! (Sephiroth burns down Nibelheim) Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU BURN DOWN MY HOMETOWN?! Sephiroth: Because I was pissed off. Tifa: You killed my dad! (Sephiroth chops Tifa down) Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST KILL MY GIRLFRIEND? Sephiroth: Because I felt like it. Zacks: Sephiroth, you're really beginning to piss us off! (Sephiroth chops down Zacks) Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU... Sephiroth: Because he was a moron! And you're next! (Sephiroth runs his sword through Cloud) Cloud: NO! Sephiroth: Wh... what? (Cloud flings Sephiroth into the mako pit of the Nibelheim reactor) Sephiroth: NOOOOOOOOO! (Sephiroth dies... or does he?) Five years later... President Shinra: I'm going to be rich! Promised Land, here I come! Sephiroth?: Surprise! I'm back! (Sephiroth? kills President Shinra) Tseng: Hey! You can't just kill our president! Sephiroth?: Sure I can! (Sephiroth? kills Tseng) Cloud: What the hell? I thought Sephiroth was dead! Three Sephys: We are the three Sephiroth Psychic Shades that say "Neep"! Neep! Cloud: Eh? Aeris: Monty Python? Three Sephys: Neep! Neep! Neep! Aeris: Cloud, be careful! Cloud: No need to worry! They're just psychic shades! They can't hurt us. Sephy: Neep! (One of Sephiroth's Psychic Shades kills Aeris) Cloud: Oops. I guess they can hurt us. Sephys: Neep! Neep! Neep! Cloud: WHY THE HELL DID YOU JUST KILL MY OTHER GIRLFRIEND?! Sephiroth: Because she was annoying. Cloud: Damn, man. You're really getting annoying. Rufus: Don't worry! The Shinra will stop Sephiroth! Sephiroth: Yea, bull! (Sephiroth summons Diamond Weapon, who blows Shinra to smithereens.) Sephiroth: Lousy pests. Hojo: Hee hee! That's my son! Cloud: This is all your fault! (Cloud chops Hojo down) Sephiroth: Hey! I wanted to kill him! Cloud: Oh well! Sephiroth: Ah well. Doesn't matter. I summoned meteor, so you'll all die soon. Ta ta! (Sephiroth flies into the northern crater) Cloud: I have to go after him! Later... (The northern crater) Cloud: I'm so glad that my first girlfriend lived, after all! Aren't back-ups lovely? Tifa: What did you call me?! Yuffie: Why can't I ever be your girlfriend? Sephiroth: Because then I'd have to kill you, too. Yuffie: Oh. Cloud: Sephiroth! Sephiroth: HA HA HA! YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME! (Sephiroth turns into Seraph Sephiroth. Awesome Sephiroth opera music starts playing.) Cloud: Die! (Cloud chops Sephiroth. Sephiroth dies.) Cloud: Damn, that guy was REALLY weak for an end boss. Tifa: Cloud? Are you all right? Cloud: NO! He's still here! (Cloud's mind gets transported to the final one-on-one battle with Sephiroth) Cloud: Sephiroth! I will defeat you once and for all! OMNISLASH! (Cloud uses Omnislash on Sephiroth. Sephiroth dies, again. Or does he...?) Sephiroth: Heh heh. Cloud: What? (Sephiroth chops Cloud and kills him) (Back at the northern crater) Tifa: Cloud! Cloud! Wake up! Cloud: It's okay, Tifa. I'm awake! Tifa: Oh Cloud! I'm so glad your safe. I... I need to tell you. I love you! Cloud: Really? I love you too, Tifa! (Cloud and Tifa leave) Cloud: Heh heh. Cool. I get his girlfriend. Stupid Cloud. The End Yuffie: Now that Sephiroth is with Tifa, can I have Cloud? Aeris: No, because he's in the promised land with me. Yuffie: DAMMIT! Cloud: Aren't back-ups lovely? Aeris: What did you just call me?