Part 1 was printed in the previous issue of Game Notes. If you read it, you have too much time on your hands.
It seemed that my girlfriend had read this and was convinced that I was up to no good. I hadn't moved any of my games in yet and, as you all know, there is really no good way to tell a loved one that you are a wargamer. So she had no way of knowing what that cryptic message was about. She actually thought I was some sort of spy. I found out, after we had split up (some 5 weeks later....a record of short-term live-in relationships, even by my standards) that she had called the FBI (they weren't interested), my superiors at the Police Department (they figured that since I couldn't even direct traffic properly, I was no danger to the Free World) and even my mother, who of course, confirmed that I was a card-carrying communist and well-known subversive. Thanks, Ma.
I SWEAR that the above story is true (except for the part about my mother, which, of course I made up. She never called me a subversive. To my face. As far as I know).
BAR LEV (Conflict Games)- Probably the best three-player game ever invented. For those of you who don't know the premise of this game, here is an overview: 1973-the Yom Kippur War, Syria and Egypt attack Israel. The game is pretty-well balanced, with a slight edge given to the Arabs. Israel must protect both the Suez and Golan fronts by judicious use of its reinforcements, superior air power and not a minimum amount of luck. I have NEVER won as the Israeli player, but once, just once, I almost did. Here is that story: I was the Israeli, "Mr. Lucky" (see Bad Wargame memories, Part 1) was the Egyptian, and a fellow whom we shall call "The Doofus" (for reasons which will becoma apparent) was the Syrian. It was about 5 turns into the game, and I was doing amazingly well (for an Israeli player). I had slowed the Egyptian advance in the Sinai and had forced the Syrian offensive in the Golan to a screeching halt. I had just gained air superiority and it looked like I would be able to go on the offensive and regain some badly needed terrain (as well as some self-respect). I was really crowing about what I had accomplished so far, and was rubbing their collective noses in what was going to be, not only my first Israeli victory in that game, but one of the really rare times I was going to be able to beat "Mr. Lucky".
It was at this point that it happened. It will forever be replayed in my memory like some slow-motion scene from a Sam Peckinpaw movie. "The Doofus" leans over the map as if to get a closer look at the tactical situation. As he does this, the baseball cap, which has been perched precariously on his empty skull for the last five and one-half hours, seperates from the top of his head and begins its fatal plunge toward the Golan Heights. Before anyone can react, a moth-eaten New York Yankees ball cap is lying upside down in the middle of the map, with cardboard counters flying all over the place (two Syrian T-55s eventually landing in the bean dip....serves them right!) After the initial shock wore off, these two yokels are laughing hysterically. I am frantically running around, gathering up counters and trying to convince those two hyenas that the game can be saved. I plead and cajole, but to no avail. I insist that we can remember where the pieces were, but they are already headed for the door. "I would have won!" I yell at them, as they are leaving. "Too bad we'll never know" said Hyena #1 as they left.
The controversy still remains. I say the hat fell at a pretty convenient time. Too convenient, if you know what I mean. To this day, I don't allow any of my opponents to wear hats.
4. Bloody Buna (3W-1979)- From Wargamer Vol 1 #9, this is an operational level game covering the campaign in New Guinea in 1942. This game features rules covering amphibious landings, special jungle units, rangers, air dropped supplies, bunkers and attrition. There are three scenarios and a campaign game. The usual bunch of Aussies and Yanks vs various and assorted members of The Emperor's Finest. The Japanese get to try for an invasion of Port Moresby, while advancing overland via the infamous Kokoda Trail as well. Good looking map, but the counters can give you eyestrain.
5. Bloody Keren (3W-1986)- From Wargamer Vol1 #54, this game takes place in Italian East Africa during January 1941. The British are on the offensive here, while the Italians must decide when and where to make a stand. Operational level units up to brigade size (although usually smaller) and step reduction. There are rules for air support, artillery, desertion and Italian morale. Native units can even switch sides. The biggest headache for the British is supply. For the Italians, it's everything else as well.
6. Bloody 110 (Gamers-1989)- Another entry from The Gamers Tactical Combat Series. This game covers the fighting around Clervaux in the Battle Of The Bulge. At 125 yards per hex and 15 minute turns, this is really a tactical level game. Infantry are grouped into platoons and vehicles are individual units. Realistic (read "complicated") command and control rules. Additionally, there are rules for morale, artillery and German bridge building( well, one bridge, actually....but what a bridge!)
7. Bloody Roads South (Gamers-1992)- The Wilderness Campaign in 1864. Part of the much beloved (although, not by me) Civil War Brigade Series. With most of the units brigade-sized (really?), the artillery are battalions. Morale is a big factor here, with units experiencing various levels of morale, such as Shaken (not stirred), Disorganized and Routed. The rules even account for stragglers. There is a command system which forces you to check no less than 7 charts to send a single order to your troops. Whew! Most of the attacks, or movement, for that matter, tend to be channeled through the roads, as the surrounding terrain is pretty inhospitable (hence, the "Wilderness").
8. Bloody Kasserine (GDW-1991)- Another operational level game. This one covers (surprise, surprise) the battle at the Kasserine Pass in 1942. Nice take on a familiar campaign. Special rules include: German tactical expertise, engineers, tactical air support (for both sides), supply and weather rules, German bickering (really!) and, of course, a What-If-Patton-Had-Been-In-Charge rule. "Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!" The game mates with another GDW entry, Race For Tunis, so you can experience the total demise of Panzerarmee Afrika.
9. Bloody Beach Omaha (Gamers-1991)- Ho-hum. Yet another "Bloody" Gamers entry. Anybody keeping count? For you purists out there...yes, I know we all just refer to it as "Omaha", but if you read the fine print on the box cover, it does indeed say "Bloody Beach Omaha". So, there! This monster covers the U.S. 1st Infantry's landing on June 6, 1944 during the Normandy invasion. There are four (!) maps and 1600+ counters. Tactical, tactical, tactical. There are rules for everything in this game. I did find a glaring mistake in one scenario, however. (The Gamers later corrected this in the errat, much to their credit). As every school child knows, the Panzer Lehr's divisional artillery was 150mm, NOT 105mm. Jeez!
10.Bloody Hell! (Simulations & Tactics-1975)- Title based on Charles I's statement after the Battle Of Worcester in 1645. When called upon to surrender by Oliver Cromwell's forces, this was his reply. This is a very tactical level game, with each turn lasting only 5 minutes. There are 600 hex-shaped counters, which is unusual because the map features area movement. Each counter represents a wealth of information, with numbers for attack, defense, movement, morale, height, weight, age and religious affiliation of the men involved. As far as I know, no copies of this game survived the infamous Simulations and Tactics warehouse fire of '76. Pity.
XTR (announcement): In a continuing effort to cut costs, COMMAND Magazine is now only going to print counters in two colors- gray and tan. This way, they can print all the gray counters for all the games and send them one month. The following month, you will receive the tan counters. Then you will get the maps (printed on both sides, natch!). The rules will be sent out in one booklet quarterly and the charts (CRTs, TECs and OOBs) will be mailed out at the end of the year.
COA (a cautionary tale): I bought a copy of WAR WITHOUT MERCY. It was missing the maps. So, I gave the folks at CoA a call. They said I had slandered them by implying that the game was incomplete. They said that their attorneys would be in touch. Now I don't answer my phone and I'm afraid to open my mail.
ADG (announcement): New release: HELL IN FLAMES. Winston Churchill once said "If Hitler invaded Hell, I would at least make a favorable reference to the Devil in the House Of Commons." Well, here's your chance to game this one! 200 counters, representing the minions of hell, fallen angels, tormented souls and lesser demons. 2 full mapsheets, which ADG claims is based on a map of hell obtained when playtesters summoned JFK during one late night session.
PERRY MOORE (game review): The new game from Perry is called DEATH, DEATH and DEATH. It's about some battle or another and is either very, very good or very, very bad. I forget which.
CHEAPASS GAMES (announcement): A merger between this company and Multi- Man Publishing was announced today. The new company will keep the Cheapass name because, as spokesperson Curt Schilling stated "It's pretty descriptive of our product".
GERMAN GAMES (obligatory mention): I don't understand this phenomena at all. The games may be good, but with names like POOP!, SCHNAUSER UND SAUSAGE and ZWIEBACK FUR ALLES! you have to wonder............ Still, I have played a game called URSUPPE, which is a thinly disguised attempt to simulate the Battle Of The Bulge. Use your amoebas to surround Bastogne! The goal is to get the first pseudo-pod across the Meuse before your army divides. Admittedly, I don't have a copy of the rules, but I think I am playing it correctly. Great fun, though.
I have been doing this for some time. There are others who do this also. One thing I have noticed is that there is no standardized grading system. We all pretend that there is, but there isn't. The latest catalog from someone who should know better offers this example: "the game has some staining on the rules and the box corner has been taped. A few counters have been punched. Game is in MINT condition." Example #2 (this time from e-bay): "game is unpunched, except for some of the counters". Okay, so e-bay doesn't have MENSA members auctioning their games. Still, a little common sense would apply here. I would offer the following grading system to be used in all transactions involving the sale of board games:
USED...you opened the box
UNUSED...you didn't open the box
MINT...nothing you have falls into this category
GAME NEWS
Columbia Games has announced that their game boxes will have the retail price at the top, while rotating the box 90 degrees will reveal the lower hobby shop price. Another 90 degree turn will show sale price (30% off) and, finally, another 90 degree turn will show the game at cost.
Mayfair has announced the release of yet another SETTLERS expansion: Lepers Of Catan. Rules and pieces for a new player. Got a pesky kid brother who won't let you and your gaming buddies play SETTLERS OF CATAN without him? Now he can play and not bother you at the same time. There is absolutely NO interaction with the leper player. He is on his own island (preferably in another part of the house) and according to the rules, if he attempts to contact you in any way, he is out of the game.
GMT has produced an expansion kit for JUNE 6. It's called June 5 and it covers the day BEFORE D-day. The German set-up remains the same. The Allied counters consist of 3 Mosquito air reconnaissance counters and two counters representing seal/udt teams. Not much action, but the tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
Decision Games has announced that they intend to issue yet another upgunned version of KRIEG! This year's surprise hit was TOTALER KRIEG! Next year, look for DOUBLE DOG DARE TOTALER KRIEG (This Time We Really Mean It!). The ultimate WWII simulator. This game will have everything from every WWII ETO game ever produced. Includes rules for alternate realities, such as the war being fought solely by zebras or Germany being located in a rent-controlled apartment in Manhattan.
OBLIGATORY GERMAN GAME REVIEWS
Okay, I've never really played any of these, and I understand about 20 words in German, but I have taken an educated guess as to how they are played. I seem to have misplaced my review copies, so I'll try and do this from memory.........
Kosmos' GIGANTIS: As I recall this one is about a giant moth or something that terrorizes Berlin...or Tokyo. I can't remember which.
Rio Grande's DIE GLOCKENSPIELE: Some knights with silly names are on a quest to recover the Holy Glockenspiele, which was supposedly played by the house band at the Last Supper.
TM Spiel's KRAIG UND FRIEDA: As near as I can tell, this game chronicles the domestic bliss of a middle aged German couple in Dusseldorf.
Well, what could I do? I mailed a check the next day. But I digress.........
I thought I would offer a few more "Bad Wargaming Memories" here.
Story #1
With the re-release of War In Europe by Decision Games, I feel I should share this story again. I played the original several times during my college (i.e. unemployed, professional student) years. I always found it be an enjoyable experience.
There was this one time, however........
We set up the Campaign game, starting in the Fall of 1939. I am to be the Allies and a person who I like to refer to as "Mr. Lucky" will be the German player.
Mr. Lucky's exploits figure into a lot of my Bad Wargaming Memories over the years. For his own protection, I will not identify him (but he knows who he is).
In WiE, the German reinforcements appear as the result of careful planning and expenditures of resource points to produce whatever you want (within reason). The Allied reinforcements are die-roll dependent. There are historical reinforcements due to arrive on every turn. The u-boat war comes into play here. If the Germans commit a certain amount of their resources to producing a certain amount of u-boats, then there is a one in six chance of delaying Allied reinforcements for a turn. In other words, roll a "1" on a six-sided die and Allied reinforcements do not appear. The catch is that this is CUMULATIVE each turn. Roll a "1" next turn and reinforcements are delayed again. (More on this later). If, however, you roll a "6", reinforcements not only arrive on time, but you get the NEXT turns reinforcements early. (There will be no need to address this later).
Mr. Lucky would eagerly await the Strategic Cycle when we would challenge each other for mastery of the seas and determine the course of events in the European Theater Of Operations. By this, I mean he would pick up the designated u-boat dice with his grubby little hands and proceed to roll a "1". Followed by a "1", which in turn was followed by...you guessed it... a "1".
Skip ahead to Spring 1944. Due to a mathematically improbable series of "1"s rolled by the German player, the Allies are just beginning to receive shipments of Brewster Buffaloes and Grant Tanks.* I have never before, or since, seen a human being roll so many "1"s. Different dice, different days, same result.
I am now firmly convinced that he is in league with the Devil. Finally, I demand that I be allowed to make the die roll instead of him. Sensing my frustration, he magnanamously allows me to do so. I, of course, roll a "1".
It is apparant (even to me) that D-day, if there is to be one, will not occur before 1962. It is time to bow to the inevitable. With my usual good grace, I throw the dice across the room and storm out of the house, vowing never to return.
As I look back, I see Mr. Lucky standing in the doorway. He smiles and says "See you next week!"
Jeez, I hate that guy.
Story #2
Mr. Lucky, 12 dice and Avalon Hill's WAR AT SEA. Nuff said.
*The game does not actually have details like this. Units are generic. This is what we call "Poetic License"
As an aside, a quick call to Decision Games revealed that there is a "Mr. Lucky Rule" to prevent this sort of abuse in the new WAR IN EUROPE release.
This article is basically a re-telling of the story as it appeared in the original Bad Wargaming Memories. Because of this, I now owe Boulder another $2.50. Now where is that checkbook...........
NEW GAMES (CAPSULE REVIEWS)
Collectable Card Games- Just when you think this market is saturated, those clever folks at Wizards Of The Coast have come up with the ultimate CCG. The Starter Deck consists of playing cards numbered 2-10. They come in 4 different styles: a black "club" shape, a red "diamond" shape, a black "spade" shape and a red "heart" shape. Booster packs include cards marked with a J, Q, K or A. My understanding is that the rare card is something called a "Joker". I haven't seen the artwork yet, but I am told that there are beautiful renditions of Medieval Royalty on some of the cards. Look for an early summer release.
German Games- Saw a new one down at my local game store. It's called Schnell Lederhosen which, as far as I can tell, translates to "Fast Socks". It's made by FX Schmidt. Unusual packaging, in that the box is made of wood and all the components are made out of cardboard. The rules are in English, so it was fairly easy to learn. It seems that this game is known to most of the world as checkers. The only difference seems to be that the word "lederhosen" appears where the word "checkers" would normally appear in the rules. The $59.99 price tag is a bit steep, but well worth it.
Family Games- While shopping at K-mart, I ran across a new release from Parker Brothers called Hasbro Monopoly. It's a solitaire game. The player represents the fictitious "Hasbro Corporation". All the spaces on the board are named for game companies (Milton Bradley, Parker Brothers, Avalon Hill, etc). The idea is to buy up as many companies as you can in one trip around the board. The player starts with an unlimited amount of money and moves one space at a time (there are no dice). The playing piece is a pewter figure of a corporate lawyer carrying a satchel full of money. I thought that was a nice touch.
Wargames- GRD has issued a recall on all the counters from Europa series games. It seems the combat factors printed on the counters are off by one. GRD will send the corrected counters upon receipt of the faulty ones.
Desk Top Publishing- I sent away for a DTP game I saw advertised in the Boulder Catalog. It was advertised as "The Definitive Desk Top Publishing Game". It was from The Definitive Desk Top Publishing Game Company in Lizella, Georgia. What I got for my $12.95 was a blank hex map, a world atlas, a blank countersheet (unmounted) and a Number 2 Pencil. The kit also came with a note which read: "Some components needed to play this game were not provided (in order to keep the costs down). You should be able to scavenge them from other games in your collection. These components are: dice and rules."
And a little note to all those who contacted me. I appreciate all the e-mail, letters and phone calls. I don't have the time (or the inclination) to answer you all individually, so I'll answer your questions here:
1) Yes, I know you wish Game Notes had more of "me" and less of "them". You'll have to take that up with Boulder Games.
2) Yes, I know how disappointed you were when I got bumped from lead article to the last page. Again, take that up with Boulder.
3) I appreciate your concern, but Jim is only kidding when he says those things about me. PLEASE don't do what some of you said you'd do. He has a family, for God's sake.
And, finally:
4) Yes, he is. But if it were to become public knowledge, I think the FBI would sweep into Lizella faster than you can say "Waco"
Case in point: if you didn't already know, would you have a clue as to the subject matter in Moments In History's A FAMOUS VICTORY? I can envision an entire series of games based on that concept; A SOMEWHAT-AMBIGUOUS MEETING ENGAGEMENT, A NOTHING-TO-WRITE-HOME-ABOUT BATTLE, or A BONEHEAD DECISION (insert your own Montgomery joke here). Gone are the days of such self-evident titles as GUADALCANAL, MIDWAY, D-DAY, GETTYSBURG, et al. Only to be replaced by MATANIKAU, INCREDIBLE VICTORY, ONSLAUGHT, THUNDER AT THE CROSSROADS and others.
I guess it was much simpler back in the olden days, when there were... oh, maybe a dozen wargames on the market. Then, proliferation reared its ugly head. Suddenly there were more Bulge games than you can shake a stick at; WACHT AM REIN, THE ARDENNES OFFENSIVE, BASTOGNE, RICHARD SIMMONS' BATTLE THAT BULGE, etc.
I blame SPI.
Of course, I blame SPI for pretty much everything. Some things I hold SPI responsible for:
the death of JFK (Jr AND Sr)
Tito (the game, not the person)
the hole in the ozone layer
Richard Berg
the list is endless.......
As if it isn't confusing enough, some of the current titles actually sound like something they're not.
For example, Microgame Co-Op's BITTEREINDER. Is this about a reindeer with an attitude problem?
GRD offers THE DAMNED DIE HARD. A game about a recalcitrant car battery?
Blue Guidon's FIRE IN MISSISSIPPI may be the only game covering Klan activities on an operational level.
But this phenomenon isn't limited to releases of the last few years.
Avalon Hill had LOOK AT THAT SCHMUCK ON THE CAMEL. That was a game about... well, a schmuck...um.......on a camel.....er.....okay, that one was not misleading. But since only 11 copies were sold, perhaps some people were puzzled by the title. As an aside here, I can reveal that I bought one copy and Jim Sandefur bought the other 10 (as an investment).
I wonder if GMT's SALAMIS is sold in the local deli?
Or is THE FIRE NEXT TIME sold in New Delhi? (groan).
And don't even get me started about the German games. What is THAT all about?
I could write an entire series on that whole genre.
Maybe I will.
Mostly I have fond memories of those days and our marathon gaming sessions, but there are a few exceptions.....which, of course, will be the subject of this article.
We were playing THEIR FINEST HOUR by GDW. We left the game set up with the intent to finish it off the next day. We were unable to make it the next day, so the play continued with substitute players. When I did return to the shop (some two days later), I was greeted with the following spectacle: not only did the substitute players mark off the original naval hit sheet in ink, but they had grown bored with the game and set up a smaller one on top of mine. This wouldn't have been so bad, but they taped the new map onto the maps for my game. I tried to be careful, but when I peeled the offending game map off of mine, I left some very noticeable damage. Grrrrrr.
Different day, same location, same culprit(s): left SPI's WAR IN THE EAST set up over a weekend. Returned to find chocolate fingerprint smudges in the rulebook and all over the Production charts. Jeez, guys, this is a $50 game. Show a little respect. New rule: No eating at the game table.
Playing a miniatures game simulating a meeting engagement between Soviet tanks and US armor "somewhere in Germany". The owner of the rules (and the minis) led the Russian team. Certain that he was going to lead his team to victory over the Americans, he got really pissed off as his tanks were being knocked out as soon as they appeared on the field of battle. He decided that the fault was in the game system (and not his tactics), so he commenced a re-write of the rules as we were playing. So every turn, rules were tweaked, bent or outright jettisoned until the Russians had the edge he so desperately sought. Some people hate to lose.
And of course, my favorite story from this era:
The most insufferable little twit I have ever known showed up with a copy of SPI's WAR IN THE PACIFIC (which even then was an expensive game), which he had purchased from the hobby shop at the mall. Seems one of their clerks had mistaken WAR IN THE PACIFIC for Avalon Hill's VICTORY IN THE PACIFIC and marked them at $9.95. One of us (I don't remember who) called the hobby shop to see if there were any copies left (there weren't). Grrrrrr.
Not too many years later, the shop went bankrupt, the owner went to jail and we all went our separate ways. I think about those guys every once in a while and, you know, I still hate their guts.
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©1997~2009
