This poem was written in the Fall of 2002, when I was suffering from the toxic and euremic effects of end-stage kidney failure, and was unaware of said condition.  Suffering from such horrible physical ailments, but thinking they were mental, my creations at the time tended to reflect that.  This poem is a result of that time in my life.

 

 

“The Wasteland Revisited” -  By Steven Alexander

 


I.                 Patagosi

 

In the rings of morning tide, beyond

boundaries unlabeled, into forests above mountains

Languid birds begin to nest.

but these are not the idyllic places

that minds will come to rest

She wandered in, lost in a storm

begging for food and  place to be warm

She lifted her lips in an honest gesture

“I am without meaning but humble in stature”

He listened intently, while standing at the door

His head hung low, standing in a shadow

as the lighting cascades into a puddle

of the rain that collected on the petal of a leaf

and gathered all the emptiness in spaces of need.

 

Far away he ran away from her broken eyes

as he left her pieces lying in the dust

She, in doing the same, walked away from the board

leaving the King and Queen alone to hold in check

Away from the wall and pulled like a plug

from a basin her heart tore into his chest

beating down his door and ripping his vest

Broken down by the side of the road

the ghostly apparitions of the dead and dying

filled the air and the stench of decay

wrought inside a stare.

 

In cities burning, made of silver and gold

the people praying to the papers that they own

The images they’ve bought and sold

and crafted in vanity that sooths a lusting groan

Pulled and pushed and stricken with guilt

He opens his pants and undoes his belt

and rides away till his pain is gone

and she bears him to the end until the moon

appears and lights her eyes and inside

Her once gold morals begin to die

and traded for a moment so unclean

His divinity running down her thigh

Her life bled out in screams from the sky

 

The moment ends, he turns to rise

but not before he sees her eyes

once they danced and shined with grace

fortunate in color and perfectly placed

Now they’ve fallen and doesn’t care

But it’s a part of her wily game

and there’s no crime for which she feels shame

Rising low, up off the bed, she takes his life

and cups his head – possessed by her eminence now

He thinks he’s won, but she has now.

 

Now inside her prison mind

the vines began to grow

choking off his very wrath

placed gently upon the snow

white hills that sloped down to the river

and above the trees and down the valley

The farmer plows his field.

He reaps upon what he sows

and there is no love from which he’ll grow

but rows and rows of promises bred

from the blood of all the men instead

 

They’ve given up their empty lives

Sold their homes and left their wives

Gone to the mountains and held to pray

Listening for god on the sunny days.

Blaming the devil when the sun is black

and cursing the angels for taking him back

They’ve read so much from a book of man

and given up crucifixion for a functional plan

Blood for my body, my life for Christ

he came to this earth in a vessel of flesh

he was tested and weighed and hung like the rest

Denial of rite and passions expire

in the face of children they seek desire.

Confused by masses and taught by fate

driven by worth that is too deemed to hate

 

Herded like sheep and rampant like goats

lusting in secret with hands on their throat

Throttled by passion and hammered by mire

The young boys cycle begins to perspire

The scent of the women permeates the town

and suddenly the blue turns to red

with the noise from the shed

The actions repeat over and over

and over again.

But we cannot listen, nor will they ever

understand.

 

So, beyond the trees and through the hallways

the image and fantasy always calls them

away from the truth and down towards the need

Addictions to pain with many mouths to feed

Quelled in sorrow, but joyous in guilt

Opened the sadness and wallowed in filth

we’ve run aground in Patagosi and lost the map

and this place is stranger than fiction.

But it’s over the hills and down the river

And it’s warmth and light still make me shiver.

 


 

 

 


II.               The Tarantella

 

Outstretch you hand, and put in mind

count your steps to three.

A twirl, you gypsies and faggots

can’t keep up with me.

Three out of four and

four out of three.

Time waits for no man

but she waits for me.

Return, return, but stop yourself – it’s unmantled.

You’ve come unhinged; please step away from the floor.

 

This space is reserved for beggars and thieves

of which you seem to be neither.

So go a little farther down to

hang with those of your ilk.

Who is it you ask?

Why surely you jest?

You can’t be serious.

You’ve never been our guest.

Go visit with your ilk, I’m sure you know their type.

It’s down there with the rapists and sodomites.

They’ll touch you and welcome you with

the foreign, familiar hands

and open up your mind and well

and they steal your band.

            They don’t dance, they merely wander with us

            Count – again! One, two, three, four


 

            Dance all you gypsies and faggots

            Kings and Queens of old.

            Our request of you is for nothing less

            Than Twenty Pounds of gold.

            Purple scarves and velvet sashays

            With open flaming vests

            I like the third hole in the wall

            it always feels the best.

 

            Don’t you dance?  All of us here do?
            One, two, three – no, not in fours or twos.

            I’m done with you; I’ve lost quite all my hope

            There’s nothing more to do; tie a piece of rope.

 

            One, two, three, One-two-three.

            Why is the only faggot dancing alone with me?

            Is my language hard?  I thought all you people

            used the word.

            No, it’s not like “nigger” – that’s just absurd.

            Socialites and debutantes and all the snobby nobs

            No one admits that they give blow jobs.

            High on cocaine, it’s my drug of choice.

            It keeps me going and finds my voice.

            So shut up and move with me.

            Left foot open, one, two, three.



 

 


III.             The Sermon on the Mount

 

She smiles at him, for now she knows.

In the latest hours of the midnight throes.

His scent wavers and lingers in the air

And her hands wander to caress his hair.

 

He begins to speak and she silences his profession

that he felt he owed, but she knew before

they reached this moment, her reassurance was needed

so now he enters and begins to preach.

 

He moves so deftly with what nature has taught him

and she’s unsure because it’s what she knows

she was once demure but now she’s open

Split up the middle; she’s still quite taken

until the moment that her bodies been shaken.

Freed from the shackles of the moral tide

he holds he down and soaks up all his pride

His bitten his lip and tasted her flesh

her eyes opened up and her tongue is wet

 

He courses what God has given

she takes what we know as grace

and suddenly the heat from the room

begins the quicken their pulsing pace

Faster they fly and the words seem to come

Screaming into the brain, but not understood

never coherent, they ruttle around

They’ve never been close

and meaning been found

The reason for living is quite within reach

God isn’t coming, but he’ll share in his speech

It flows like a river from tip to basin

and drains from his pistil and tamed by her stamen

Divine gifts that come in literal words

The English have granted for when it is done

What is to come?  Will we wait for God?

Is he in the magic that’s spent by a rod?

She flies to the boundaries as he preaches on

The sermon continues and the mount shoves on

Gritting his teeth and pounding her breast

He has not finished; but takes a breath

She’s still breathing with nothing unattained

Scared by her muscle and torn by his meaning

The lesson continues and he begins screaming

She counters with laughter and he presses on

But the lesson has ended; God has not won.

The sermon now finished, he rolls off the mount

and looks back up and the masses he gave

He wants her to listen, but she knows the truth.

The sermon was hers; the lost book of Ruth.

The dim light frames her smile and the sheets now burn with din

He turns off the light; and she turns away within.

God is asleep now – and tired from his mass.

But she is just awoken; and gifted with the knowledge

More ancient than the sex itself

is the reason behind it

that lies upon the shelf.

The power that he used up; she has taken in.

Now cannot contain it, she follows in her sin.

 

To give a recent service,

she preaches from her mound

the power of her allure and

the questions so profound.

But she hasn’t time to ask them,

as she tumbles to the ground

She wishes not to give today; she’s sick of scriptured work

but the man she met today demands his catechism

and supple divine deserts

The sermon goes awry

when he fails to meet his God

and blames her for his shame

and she only wonders why

“She lured me in” he claimed

to the men that came and saw

His act of sodomy with a dispassionate and dirty paw

“She knew of what it was she was sent to do. 

  She’s the guilty and she’s the damned, it’s her that pays

   the due.  The process lies inside her eyes and I cannot be held

 at fault; I was lured right in.  She’s the one who rolls around

  and loves to commit the sins.”

 

But his pleas hold sated in the minds of many around.

And the legal madness that held him down

Still cast her whore-hood in the hidden halls of the mind

and the people of the world

stood in line just to take a piece of her dignity

but she cannot be broken down.

She has seen her God between the boards

and seen his mighty wrath

That bored her down in a passionate swing

 

But alas, her story is over – but his has begun.

His God has spoken, and from his loins he sprung

a monster that ravaged the hearts of many young men

for it was she he unleashed from the power of the dead

His God fell hard and silent upon deaf ears

and flaccid now, he prays for her spirit to find rest

 

He left home and left his God and found a new one instead.

A Franciscan Friar, he believes in a new God that’s dead.

But maybe with enough belief and hope Yahweh will resurrect

and bring upon destiny Her Majesties Scope.

 

But youth was forlorn and her thoughts have now ended.

He never really touched her; and thus her thoughts were offended.

She reels away again from a simple kiss and never wants to think about

what she thought of God inside that simple moment of duplicit doubt. 

He’ll never know why she never tasted his flesh that golden night

It was because of her imagination that crafted her soul to fight.



IV.            The Jaunt

 

The roadways that cut the woods in two divide

the night into a frenzy

hurried by commerce and tainted by oil

and viscous with traffic

Still beleaguered by the brazen soil

The night sky punctured with diamonds

Seems to seem wondrous.

A metaphor for time is all we have now

and a view of the Skyline

 

The highway spread the hills until it meets the city lines

Buses fly by the railroad yards

and building reach for the skies

The traffic lights are alive with color

and flashing to signal my right

But they kept on flashing in rhythm

and lighting the sacred dark

 

The people on the sidewalk stare in shuffled patterns

each one a person with their story

or a muffled tale of wretched excess

or a coffered patent glow

Off the barber stand to the magazine rack at “Barney’s”

The corner of the block is tawdry, open and

Teeming with life that dare not speak it’s name

The hustlers, players, beggars and pimps

mix freely with the urchins that gather

in the alcoves where their parents first met

Smoked a crack pipe or a joint

and then fell two steps left

 

The cracks in the pavement hold the

blood of past upon their holy crevasse

The sweat of revolutions runs now

in rivulets of tired and beat up men

who die in a gutter for a hit of a fix

Their dignity stripped for a five dollar bill

A piece of paper and chemical

and now is their life spilled?

 

I get a come on from a toothless old woman

a good time promised but

she seemed to be drooling

I said no and chimed my sentiments.

She simply stared and continued her business.

 

I walked on and tried to find a bus

but soon I was lost

and my joints began to rust

The decay of the building filled my sensitive nose

and I trudge along wearily

and lost my other shoe

My first one was stolen

The second was a gift

I found my way down past York Street

and onto the avenue

Whereupon I met Luther

and asked “How do you do?”

He asked me for food, for love and for drugs.

I gave him some money and he tried to take blood.

I killed him, you see, because he attacked me.

I broke his brittle old neck and now he can’t see

how silly he looked when he tried to end my life

and how funny it was to watch him die.

He struggled for breathe when I broke his neck

and he begged for mercy as I held his head

and struck his temples to finish the job

his life had expired; I’d been caused to rob

He made a poor choice in who he assaulted

For I was in the ghetto for one reason only

to take the lives of those who would not be missed

for it’s the thrill of the hunt to things you’ve been kissed

by death and granted his powers

by holding a congress over those you want

and passing out judgment and

dispatching their fire

 

I smile as I walk on out, it’s been another Jaunt

I am Death’s valued servant; I take what I want.

I walk upon the freeways and hold your heart still

because you know I kill because I really like the thrill.

I’ve got a smile and a wish and an honest face

and I’ll come to you bearing little trace

of the killer that I have always been

But my smile shows quite honestly

the sadist I’ve become.

But it doesn’t matter.

It’s your hearts I’ve already won.

I’m smart, I’m funny and I’m very good looking.

And I’m good at hiding what it is I’m cooking.

I’m your neighbor, I’m your friend.

I will always be your bitter end.

Never trust me – you always look gaunt

and c’mon with me; we’ll take a jaunt


 

V.              The Tower

 

He sat alone in his tower, Archibald Highwater III

and wrote with a quill dipped in India Ink

He carved out his letters in an ancient tome

bearing upon letters he would never send

His eyes had glazed over and his head sagged low

Browbeaten and weary with the soft candle glow

He loved once, very long ago in a different time

But he lost his very nerve and gave up

Now he lives alone in a tower made of stone

That he built upon his very heart.

 

The tower stands bold amongst a sea of waste

And it smells just like the acrid vinegar Tzu tastes

This is a tower no man can cross

nor woman can climb

Upon it’s Azure fences and down it’s steely vines

He’s waiting to let himself down, but he knows he

never will traverse the reverse of the stairs

He’ll die inside and never even care.

 

Her name was Elizabeth Kinabael and she was fair

with ebony hair and steel-grey eyes

set beside her perfect nose.

Her smile was fortune and her laugh was grace

Her slender hands could melt the world

but to him, she was just a girl.

The longest of walks and strongest conversations

He fell for her love like a strong libation

Drunk and intoxicated, Absinthe she was

but he was not to her; she never loved.

She never held his heart on purpose

nor delighted in the fact he did

profess his love and she could refuse

 

He was crushed for a moment

but these moments pass

and soon the girl grew to a woman, alas

and married she was to a General in service

whose body was requisite but mentally stunted

 

His body is cold now

and his fortune was squandered

in his will he left it all to his servant

Who now sits alone inside a pub

Waiting to talk to anyone, anytime, anyhow

And remembers The Tower that Archibald built

One laid in sadness; of his unrequited guilt.


VI.            God

 

God appeared on the face of a child

Lost down in the depths of the bowry

When I saw the child and her trembling lips

and tiny hands that grasped a simple toy

and an old homemade dress.

She smiled and asked me for help

“My mother has lost me, she’ll be cross

  If she does not find me, she’ll think I’m lost”

 

I smiled as I knelt to look at the child

but by now she was already gone

an Aparition in my head

I rose upon the cobblestone street

and tried to find where the twains would meet

but somewhere along the road to Damascus

I lost my reasons and I gained my madness

 

God has left me

I often thought

The bible verses have taught me naught.

Empty words; translated by fools

Who forwent deities for mortal rules

 

God has gained me

for I was his son

Hung on a cross and dried in the sun

Risen by friends and doubted my faith

Given to precipice and hurried wraith

 

God is dead to me

he choked on a bone

he ate up the world and called up my phone.

He’s risining again and calling my name

I pretend not to hear him, for I’m ashamed.

 

I saw God today

he was renting porn

He was oogling the covers and looking forlorn

Even he has given up on this sad, sad world

but not me, I’ll always give it a little whirl.


VII.          The Horizon

 

The bitter ends of land, where the sky and trees commingle

Is empty and lost to me

Where once stood cities so proud and monuments to life

There is nothing more

but distance clawed between the soul and

it’s naked greed, wrought upon paper

with possessions that rake

Away the spirits that the people had long

since remembered to forsake

 

Replaced with fear

Astounded by my lies as I fit into the crowd

having only now realized

I cannot speak this grand rhetoric

and hope to every by happy

The preached upon

will never listen to me

Because I don’t look like them

I’m not what is wished to see.

 

Credibility aside, as cast as my love

abound from the empty cities

flying on wings of a dove

That died on it’s way

to a better place

and the children found him

in the park

 

They prod the body with sticks and glass

the carcass holds life in it’s morbid

state and yet they smile and laugh

and seem to be quite elate

as it’s eyes ooze in a torrent

of curious savagery

 

They spear their prize

on a cross made of twigs

and bow before it’s decadance

and hold it’s meaning down

But they’re just children

and with them

hate is never found?

 

But it is bred, unwittingly

and it will never end

it is a sad part of being human

Not everyone can see what lies

upon the horizon of man

The cruelty will always exists

it is part of the plan.

 

Never will it be eradicated

no matter what you preach

it’s a solid fact one instead to teach.


 

VIII.        Love

 

 

Love is a cruel game that holds it’s wiles for us to view

in plain site, it seems as simple as two plus two

But in the addition under the equation it can be no more

Less that one or equal to four.

Heartbeats lie encumbered by blackened lies

Thoughts were muddled by common jokes

Inside her heart there stood a gate

wrought with metal and golden spokes

 

A Danse of death; it’s implications macbre

and I wonder if my effeversecents makes me sob

From fortunes tales more stories spun

in valleys low; a petition is won.

She gave me less than I thought was more

and in her sin I just called her a whore

She called me a cad

and stroke my face

and clawed at the wall

with shame and disgrace.

 

I am mangled and euphoric

tangled and broken

My wishes have departed

and my eyes have soaked in

blood drawn by her loving hand

that plunged from my heart

and spread across the land.

 

 

----------- Steven Alexander – 11/11/03

 

 

 

 

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