by Steven G. Alexander
© 2002 S.G. Alexander/Use Your Shoe Productions, ASCAP
Softly, Slowly,
she walks across the room
Lightly, sweetly,
Dancing in the moon
A tear drop, a candle
More time to make me swoon
Hold me, kiss me
don’t wake before noon
Watching and waiting
she dances in my heart
Smiles, and glances
I can’t help but fall apart
to pieces, she picks up
and makes me feel so right
to hold her, to see her
bathed in pale moonlight
I watch her, she’s sleeping
and I start to watch her smile
She breathes in, I breathe out
I’ll just watch her for a while
While’s she’s sleeping
A flutter, her lips move
I can’t contain my self
I want to, be there
Risking all for more
But holding, onto emotions
I can’t view
She smiles, and turns too
and grabs my hand again
so lightly, so gently
My reservations fade away
So tell me, a story
of a thousand men at sea
Lost and drifting
away from you and me
Only one more
time to let it fade
but here in the moonlight
I seem to have it made
Your smile, your iris
are more than I could bear
But tell me, without speaking
of what I wish to spare
feelings, told often
into the greatest dawn
Come sparkling,
come red hues, purples, pinks and blues
Talk sweetly, speak gently
I’ll never leave your side
only, twisted, turned and around inside your eyes
I’m turned upside down
I’m falling into space
I’m turning up the volume
I look upon your face
I’m thrown away in madness
and I’m tossed about in lust
I’ve been given such a good thing
Not to let it fade or rust
But in this moment now
I’m found the ways and how
to tell you I would love you
Just to know I’m thinking of you
I’m sincere in all my ways
when I see you in my days
Jumbled, Open,
Into your soul I’ll fall
Masquerading, in-transit
Tell me of it all
I don’t know why,
your blue eyes
they just tell me I was wrong
to ever discount you
or to disbelieve myself
oh just believe me,
I need so you,
to see what I could be,
if you trust me, just take me
and I would hold you close
it’s close to midnight, I’m ready
To help you to your feet
I will steady, be ready, to feel your heart begin to beat
Do you really know It’s true?
Cause there’s all that I would do
In this moment I am new
and I’m hoping you are too,
oh my baby, my precious
I can’t believe I’m here,
Do you accept it, and know why,
I couldn’t start to cry.
Looking though the window
Sunlight, morning, birds are awake
and the rosy colored skies
seem to open up an fly
and still I watch you sleep
in your dreams so deep
and I see you smile
stay awake for a little while
Your hand in mine
from time to time
make me see so clear
cause my dreams so near
and I am not even sleeping
as you are.
Doubt
I just can’t figure it out
cause my feelings are always clouded by doubt
Or obscured by emotion
that has started to run away from the commotion
I wish I could know
just what of it is you think
When I look at you
all I see is what you are
but when you stare at me
you seem so far
Do I ask you questions?
Can I take another guess?
Will this tension last forever
or will it simply pass?
Can you look at me an know
what it is I’m asking for?
Do you know what I could give you? Do you know what you could have? Do you want to only sit there, while my reach exceeds my grasp?
I wish that I was stronger
I wish that I was right
I wish I wasn’t ugly
I hope this is not a fight
I want you to see me
I’d like to open up
I’d give you all I could, love
if you’d only raise your cup
Tell me what you wish for
your wish is my command
and if it comes to leaving
I’ll never lift a hand
To let myself leave you
will never happen, too.
I’ll always be there
and for this I swear it’s true.
In Your Own Way
You smile so well
I think you were born with it.
You laugh so loud
I know you were given it.
You make me smile, you make me laugh
when I’m around you, I can’t help but
try
To See
only one more time will change it all
Do you?
I do not know the answer, but I’ve given few.
She Makes Me Smile
Lately, I’ve been taking quite a bit of time
To make sure that I’ve spoken the right line
I check myself and see if I
am wrong
But it’s easy to see we’ll get along
And when I can’t even think of a word to mention
Cause it’s never been crossed with bad intention
So I speak and I listen and I ramble about
it’s easy to see that it’s
not played out
And when she talks to me for just a little while
I have to give a chuckle, cos’ She just makes me smile
She looks so good, but that’s not what I’m after
and I know I really like her, cause I love her laughter
And when I take a glance, and stare into her eyes
It’s hard to wonder whose won the prize
It’s easy to constrain what was once bitter
When she walks and how she talks, it always fits her
So I speak and I listen and I ramble about
it’s easy to see that it’s
not played out
And when she talks to me for just a little while
I have to give a chuckle, cos’ She just makes me smile
Only time will tell,
if I can’t do so well
But always, without fail or trial
I know she’ll always make me smile
You’re just standing there,
and I can’t help but stare
Your eyes seem to glow
and I watch your radiance show
If you could just see yourself
the way that I see you
If I could just tell myself
to think of something new
I’ll never use you or abuse you
or ever treat you wrong
I know that I don’t have much
and I’ve only got this song
It can’t even compare to the beauty that’s in you
But for I now, I suppose it will have to do
I’m lost for words regarding you
and it’s tearing my apart
Your worth more than I can
tell you; I’ve known it from the start
You’re everything you should be
You’re everything I’m not
I wish that I could show you
but my hearts tied in a knot
Emotions in my heart,
and my words are in my throat
but every time I see you
I fumble and I choke
You make me smile, and I know I make you laugh
It’s the problem of the moment, just a temporary gaff
Is it too real for us to deal with
is this anyway to live?
I want to let you know
I’d give all that I could give
I would wrap you in the heavens
I could shower you with love
I will open up the doors and
Let you see your painted dove
I’ll come crashing through the barriers
I will pursue you through the fires
I won’t let you wreck yourself
and I’ll never be a liar
I will make you see, I will make you feel
I’ll show you all that could be real
I’ll do this all because of who you are
and I hope that that moment is never too far
I’ll love you for all that you are
never underestimate you
or try to push you to far
away from yourself and from all the others
I’ll never use you or abuse you
or ever treat you wrong
I know I’m not much
but now I wrote you this song
It can’t begin to even compare
without you, this tune seems bare
I can’t go on without saying these words
I just hope someday you’ll know what you heard
I don’t know
Just where to go
‘cause it feels so right
here with you
and I just don’t know what to do
when I’m standing here beside you
I just don’t know if I
Can stand to see you cry
It makes me die
It makes me sigh, one more time without you
To whisper in my other ear
And I don’t know just how I’m supposed to feel
It may not seem so, but I swear to God it’s real
when all my emotions fade to black and white
So I’m left here standing, just wondering who is right
A place in time
To read the lines
That you wrote, in my soul
It’s getting old, I’m getting tired
And seems that it’s all expired
Take what you can
I’m not the man
Who can easily lose his fear
Cause I tremble when you are near
And whispering in my other ear
And I don’t know just how I’m supposed to feel
It may not seem so, but I swear to God it’s real
when all my emotions fade to black and white
So I’ll take my time and do it right…….
Burn my eyes and cut out my soul
The feelings familiar, but it’s getting old
It seeps like raindrops in the back of my head
and drives me to madness where I won’t tread
I can’t understand, so I try to act normal
But I fail at that, and wallow in sorrow
It burns like a coal, underneath my eyes
and it’s all surrounded by my bitter lies
when I close my eyes, I don’t expect to see
but you’re still there, fueling my jealousy
You make me
You break me
You hold me
But it’s all my fault
I went to far and now I’m stuck in your vault
inside my mind, entwined your wiles
And all the innocent glances and
the flirty smiles
I didn’t want to be this way at all
I didn’t want to watch myself fall
I was different from all the other guys
But I guess my feelings could not disguise
I wish it was different; I don’t blame you
and in this matter, we were never two
But still my heart hangs heavy with a thousand sighs
and I have to watch as a part of me dies
But I’ll wake in the morning, and you will too
I’ll be alone; who’ll be next to you?
I’ll still care for you with all I can give
But will he even care how you live?
I told myself that she was to young
I told myself not to let it get strung
I should have listened to the voice inside
and while you’re taking pleasure, I want to die
But it’s not the fault of anyone’s end
Truth be told, you were just a friend
They all reacted, I just wanted patience
but in my imagination, my rage is naked
Just like you, with foreign hands upon your back
Clawing out ecstasy in a drunken hack
It’s just like me to feel this way
I guess I’ll think it’s just another day
and if I am really a man who truly cares
I can safely look with no hateful stares
Jealousy is a tool of regret
and it’s a lesson I can’t forget
I have no place to have this feeling
but somehow, I’m still reeling.
I’m so mad that I want to explode
But mad at myself for getting to close
I knew this would happen, I knew that it would
But dealing with it isn’t something I should
This has happened many times before
and it’s easy to label you as just a whore
But it’s not your fault, for I’m to blame
the only place of pain is in my name
So I move on about, and I try to stay clear
and I’ll do so, but only with some fear
I’m only human, and at that a man
I’ll follow my course and I’ll carry a plan
I’ll state my intentions from the moment I start
I’ll be there completely, cos it’s deep in my heart
I feel so much better, I guess it’s the words
their presence is soothing, the meaning is heard
I feel so ashamed that I ever felt this way
But I promise you this, you’re a friend I’ll say
I won’t be judgmental and I won’t be one more
And after I write this, I’ve evened the score.
So I’ve reasoned and wrote, riddled with rhyme
and now it’s easier as I pass this time
Please offer me a smile, and a gesture of trust
and I won’t let our friendship turn to rust.
Numb
She’s made me numb
and now I feel dumb
I guess it’s cause I cared
or just the way she stared
now I can’t progress
and my emotions regress
I’m torn apart inside my soul
and my heart feels like a hole
I feel so used, I feel so cheap
and it’s hard for me to even sleep
Without feeling the doubt that seems to show
in the stares of everyone whose in the know
She’s made me numb
as I twiddle my thumb
I suppose it’s not my slip
I know it’s not my grip
Now I must move right on
and wait as times goes on
I’m just a little empty right now
Pontificate more, I say, but how?
I put my trust, in my faith
and now that I am not so based
in mirth that could easily seep
from the malice that runs so deep
within my conscious, I make a choice
I step to the mike to hear my voice
I’ll this once, aside the commotions
You toyed with me once, and played my emotions
You can’t do this to me ever again
You cannot do this to me yet again
The night belonged to him, and the morning to me?
That’s too fucked up; why can’t you see?
Tales
From The Watcher
I am just an observer; I never make my move
I only make you think it seems I think like I do.
It's a talentless talent and a waste of time
It's beyond all comprehensive Reason and Rhyme
It drifts upon our thoughts like a harmless little Crime
and I know it's all a show and you don't seem to mind.
So how many of you out there think of honesty, charity, compassion?
It's never the same before you had the time when you had struck inside my passion.
It's a solitude unlike no other, it's a fortune shot from grace
It's a solid state of mind that happens to quicken the pace
Take a hold of whatever is firm and near to your soul
and make a little love before we all get old
Tell someone that they aren't the one
Tell someone you love that they are just fun.
Tell someone you hate that they are not alone
Call someone up to say hi over the phone
Then when you've come back, and are able to say hello
Maybe I'll be strong enough to not let go.
For I am the eternal watcher, I gaze with sad eyes.
For I am cursed to see through all you disguise
I see the good, and in turn I see the bad
I can see all the world that you’ve ever had
I see the truth and I see the lies
I view how you fell, and how hard you try
I see laughter and I see the tears
I see the aspirations and all the fears
I can’t change the way I see the world
and it hurts when I watch misery unfurl
It’s crimson banner over all I have loved
It’s a sinster force whose power has shoved
I look into the light just to see the shadows
Beyond the horizon, where the trees grow
Ahh, I shudder and I sigh, when I’m forced to cry, but I take delight in knowing the highest of highs.
Summer
The summer’s gone, it passed right along
and in it’s wake, I’ll sing a song
I wanted so much, but I got much more
I never thought I’d think it before
It was the greatest summer I have ever known
For in all it’s glory, stood the things you’ve shown
The laughter, the fun, the good times and tears
When we stood together, confronting our fears
I never expected to get all I was given
I just kept on going, and we kept living
But somehow beyond all of the wonders of life
I found something so passionate and full of light
I found you, at the end of a rainbow – expectedly
The crazy times and emotions that ran hecticly
It was hard at one time, but now it’s just good
I’ve realized there’s no bad, and you never could
Hurt me or make me feel as though I was worse
I’d never try to hurt you, either, or openly curse
You filled up the void in my wounded heart
and I’m always missing you when we’re apart
But I have the summer, and memories I’ve kept
In all the things I’ve held close to my chest
The pictures on my mirror, ticket stubs too
And all of the things that remind me of you –
You’ve changed me so much and I this I know
You’ll change me forever – so please never go
I’ll keep a little piece of you inside of my soul
Always and forever, even as I grow old.
When She’s Gone
I miss her so much
when she’s not around
I feel so empty
and suddenly no sound
Can hold my attention
or capture my heart
I seem to lose my patience
So tell me where to start
I’m lonely when I don’t hear your voice
and I can’t stand it when I’m waiting without a choice
You’re so far away, and still
a phone call away
But I’m just to nervous to call
another day
I can’t think, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep or get out of bed
And all these thoughts and memories just float inside my head.
I miss her so much
when she’s not here
I wish that I was closer
and I was holding her near
I miss her when a day goes by
and I miss her at night when I lie
In my bed, wishing she was there
Holding my hand and whispering, and playing with my hair
I miss her smile and the sound of her laughter
I wonder if sometime I’ll go after
I just miss her when she’s not with me
But I wonder, thought it all, does she ever miss me?
I wish I could write the greatest song,
one like you've never heard.
I wish I could make you love me,
with just a single word
When it all comes down to reasons
you've given me the best I've seen
and it just makes me start to wonder
when I'll wake up from this dream.
The Summers That Have Passed
In all the summers I have past
I wanted only for this to last
Beyond the boundries that time begets
Into the spaces the mind forgets
She taught me more than I ever knew
In the countless times in which I grew
I see the moment from a greater plan
Just to know she made me more of a man
And as the colors fade from green to gold
and the leaves on the try begin to seem old
I can only cherish was once was so real
And I’ll try to see if I knew what I feel
She held me for a moment in the palm of her soul
and I was hers to be taken
my spirit in whole
To cradle and gaze at, to have and to hold
In that moment, in her eyes,
I could have grow old
I carry her around in a piece of my heart
Tucked safely away from
ever being less apart
In a moment, she was mine for a lifetime
In that moment, I was hers forever.
The universe came apart that strange day in March
When She walked into my world.
I’ve never been the same; I’m ever so much better.
I’d like to thank her
and have her know I mean it.
It’ll take more time
but it’s all I’ve got.
I can never express just what I feel.
Emotions I’ve kept away, but are they real?
I try to make them all sound as beautiful as they are inside my head,
But when they fall out of my mouth they just seem to sound as dull as lead.
I see so much, yet feel so much more
when I open the windows and close the door
I try to take people in and let them a little bit closer to my heart,
But alas when I try, by my own fault my good intentions always fall apart
Alone in a desert and lost out at sea
am I waiting for someone to rescue me?
But how can you be found when to yourself you are still lost?
When I think about what I should be and how do I know what it will cost?
I have regret
for the things I have lost
I have tasted the cauldron
of a sweet witches broth
I have savored the wines
that Elysium had delivered
When Bacchus came forth
and Dionysus had shivered
Sweet Destiny she smiled at me
and we danced until the sun
and I held her on my body
until her spirit I had won
Her hair like gold in the mornings rays
and her eyes like fire
Her body soft and free
and my mind full of desire
I turned away, for it was too great
and she looked inside
We took a minute to realize
that we’d let down our pride
It was too perfect; we would have
been too happy
Because life for a cynic must
always be snappy
We’re never satisified
(She was too young)
I was too soft in the middle
were we too strung?
Ice Cream
I drove along those familiar roads
the ones we used to see
And drive along listening to songs
and you’d sing for me.
I think about you now and then
and how you feel inside
But I stop for only a moment when
my thoughts begin to collide
I stopped to buy some ice cream
and I wished you had too
I remember the smiles and the sweets
in all the things we used to do
Those days passed by with a warm
Summer breeze and a lilting laugh
and I wish that it was all so different
and not so torn in half.
But the magic was in the moment
and in truth, it couldn’t last
but when I look upon those times
I wish that they weren’t past.
I miss your smile and I miss your touch
I try to pretend I don’t miss it that much
But I miss US the way we were
and maybe I screwed it up, I’m not sure
But every time I stop to get some ice cream
I remember you and how I’d dream
in the moment, knowing so much happiness
With the changing season, came no bliss
You were my goddess and my friend
I would have followed you until the end
You were my muse and my inspiration
I’d love you till the point of exasperation
You sent me higher than any drug I’ve tasted
and never was there a word or emotion wasted
I saw in you a thousand answers to my prayers
and in your eyes, my reflections would stare
Your laughter was the greatest liquor I ever took
Your wit and charm was balanced with a look
We were young and foolish; faith in silly things
Like movies, fake fights and cooler springs
But I close my eyes and remember it all
I remember you; I took it in without a fall
For I owned a piece of your heart so true
and a piece of my heart is now owned by you
For wherever we go, in whatever we do
Who we are and the things we’ll go through
The people we’re with and the one’s without
We’ll remember each other and the little shout
in the back of our minds that cries out for a dream
That began in a summer, with a trip for ice cream
I wandered outside today and the pool was closed
And in the gray light of fall, a memory posed
Covered with a tarp and held down by weights
And I began to remember all of the traits
That came around it’s concrete banks
when we held happiness within our ranks
and I found myself wanting to be near you
when the sun was warm; and nothing to do
We had no money; all I had was my dreams
completed in your eyes and held to its seams
You looked so beautiful in the summer sun
I never felt so alive and never life more fun
Carefree and virtuous, lovely and simply red
Turning our friendship into beacons of lead
That turned my soul into a cauldron of passion
I felt into it all so open, without taking a ration
You were perfect; more than I knew I wanted
when life had stopped I knew my heart had started
But alas, season’s end – and this one is closed
And in the gray light of fall, my memory showed
I’ll remember it all; most of all you
Framed in the golden sunlight
Given to purity
in the name of it all
So I remember when comes the fall.