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| Man And Woman Thing --Author Unknown **Nicknames If Sharon, Suzanne, Debra, and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Sherrie, Sue, Deb, and Barb. If Dave, Brian, Scotty, and Keith go out to lunch, they will affectionately refer to each other as Dickhead, Jackass, Horse, and Incubator. **Eating Out When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. **Money A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want. **Bathrooms A man has six items in his bathroom: A toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 337. The average man would not be able to identify most of these items. **Arguments A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. **Cats Women loves cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. **Future A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. **Success A successful man is one who can make more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. **Marriage A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. **Dressing Up A woman will dress up to go shopping, to water the plants, to empty the garbage, to answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. **Natural Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. **Offspring Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about birthdays, school project deadlines, dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes, and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. **Thought For The Day Any married man should forget his mistakes because there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. |