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The clickety clack of the train moving along the tracks enticed Jessy to stretch out and try to relax. The minute she closed her eyes, she was startled by the image of what had happend to her. Jessy cringed, slipping off her shoes, drawing her feet up hugging her knees. Suddenly she didn't feel well and rushed to the restrooms in the next car, heaving up the contents of her stomach. "Are you all right Miss? Can I get you something, 7up maybe?" the porter asked. "Thank you. That might help." Jessy said handing him the money and he headed to the dining car returning with a can of 7up. "Thanks again." Jessy said and the two discussed her stop and what the little town had to offer. As soon as they pulled in Jessy loaded up her bags and headed to the bus station. Jessy stood reading the itinerary board trying to decide where she would go Arkansas stood out like a sore thumb as Jessy remembered her long time school pal Venita and that her Gramma lived in Arkansas. "Cool leaves in 20 minutes, perfect." Jessy said to herself as she walked up to ticket counter purchasing a ticket and checked her luggage. She headed to the restrooms then the snack bar before boarding the eastbound bus. Jessy tried again to get some rest but the minute she closed her eyes it came back to her again. "Stop this. So his wasn't who you thought he was get over it. That's his problem. Get a grip." she thought over and over. Jessy grabbed her backpack and searched for paper and pen, writing her feelings down always helped before but these were such deep feelings of love and hurt. Jessy wrote from her wounded heart, she loved Zac with heart and soul and still loved him. I can understand why he did what he did but it doesn't make right, and it doesn't make it hurt less. "Dear Zac, I can't believe I've chosen never to see you again. You'll be in my heart always. Forgive me, I'm scared and the thought of going back to that man is worse than never seeing you again. I understand why you hurt me, why you took one of the most special times we ever would have had and spoiled it with your anger and hatred. But Zac my understanding doesn't make it right, you still decided something for both of us and didn't listen to me, like I didn't matter. You must be hurting so facing this alone, Zac I forgive you and I know you love me but I had to leave. I couldn't trust you with everything else. What did I figure 2 years and 4 months, I'll find some place else to hide for that long. Maybe when I make it to adulthood and they have to listen to me, I'll see you. Forgive me Zac I couldn't see any other way out of this but to book and not say a word. I couldn't leave without telling you, I love you more than anything except going back home. I'm sorry Zac, I'm not strong enough to beat him I tried before, my momma died trying and I won't give him the satisfaction of treating me the same way. Please try and forgive me. Love you always, Jessy." She reread the letter her tears falling freely staining the page. Jessy slipped an envelope from the folder at the back, addressed it to Zac, peeled off a self adhesive stamp, placed it in the corner, pulled the letter she had written from the tablet, folded the pages, slipped them into the envelope and licked it, pressing it shut. As the bus pulled into the next stop, Jessy got off finding a mailbox and returning to her seat after looking around noticing they were in Tulsa. As the bus got ready to leave, Jessy wondered what was going on, did he even miss her yet. As she looked out the window she had her answer. Zac and Isaac pulled into the station, "Oh Zac I'm sorry" she thought to herself at the sight of his tear swollen, pain filled eyes. "She's headed west. She's out there alone because of me. I can't believe I hurt her like this, all because I was angry at Tay and myself. Will she ever forgive me? I have to find her man, I have to make her understand." Zac said in desperation. "I don't know how to help you Zac. Man I wish Dad was here, he'd know how to find her." Isaac said as they loaded up and headed home about the time Jessy's bus crossed into Arkansas. When she reached her final destination, Jessy rented a locker to put her luggage in and headed out to see if she could find herself a place to stay and a job. Jessy tracked down Venita's Gramma and things looked better, she had a place to go and quickly found a job with her help also, bagger at the corner grocery store. Things were looking up, everything getting better except her stomach. She could hardly keep anything down at times and then the next minute she'd eat like she was starved. "Jessy baby I know you said you'd talk about what happened, to send you running when you were ready, but baby I think I know. Baby are you pregnant?" Gramma asked as Jessy returned from the bathroom, heaving her breakfast. "What? Pregnant? Oh god?" Jessy said in shock, grabbing the counter near her as her knees buckled and tears filled her eyes. "Good lord child, sit down before you fall down." Gramma said helping her to a chair. "No" Jessy cried laying her head on the table. "I think so baby. Jessy just think about it, when was your last period girl?" Gramma asked as Jessy cried harder shaking her head. "Gramma it was just once, hardly anytime at all, he wouldn't stop and he promised." Jessy sobbed. "Baby it only takes once and who said it had to be good, just him leaving his gift child. Is it possible baby, are you pregnant?" Gramma asked. "Yeah, it all makes sense now." Jessy said crying as Gramma dialed her doctor explaining her predicament saying Jessy was her granddaughter. That afternoon she met Dr. Adams for the first of many times, and started making monthly payments to cover his bill for prenatal care and delivery at home with a midwife to keep charges down. That evening Jessy gave up being a vegetarian until after she had delivered a healthy baby. Time passed quickly and soon enough Jessy was wearing baggy shirts and pants all the time to conceal her condition. Around six months, Jessy confessed her situation to her boss begging not to be fired, she had a doctor bill to pay. "Jessy you've been such an asset, the customers love you so. I'd be a fool to let you go child, but are you sure you're strong enough to handle the stares and rude comments. Sad to say not all my customers are kind and caring, just the important ones." Mr. Smith said. "Sure I can handle it, I have to, I need the job to pay Doc Adams." Jessy said. Soon word was out and Jessy found how wonderful people can be, offers of baby furniture, clothes, everything she would need came from her regular customers. In her eighth month, they threw her a surprise baby shower in the store. It took her a while to catch on as she greeted regular, after regular, finally thinking this is odd, "Everbody and their brother coming in with bottle returns." she was thinking to herself as she looked up to find Mr. Smith holding a cake and all her regular customers holding presents for her and the baby and a collection of over $400 they had been working on for the past couple of months to help pay for the baby's doctor bills. "Man I think that pays it off, I'll be able to keep it, it's paid for." Jessy laughed. She had a cart full of wonderful gifts and so many hugs and good wishes, for the first time since that night in the pool she felt things would be okay. Jessy worked up until delivery, she had showed up again, bringing moans from everyone as she walked in the door. "How do you think I feel? Enough already, it's a nice place out here. Come out and play." Jessy said loudly to her belly. "Whoa, I think I'll go back home Mr. Smith." Jessy said as the first strong labor pain took hold of her. "Jessy are you all right?" Mr. Smith asked. "Yeah fine, I think the baby is taking me up on my offer to come out and play is all. Would you call Gramma and let her know I'm on my way back home to get the job done finally." Jessy asked as she turned and headed out the door, "Whoa here we go again. This kid is serious." Jessy said. "Wait you're not walking alone. What if something should go wrong, I'll drive you." Mr. Smith said. "Nah I'd really rather walk, it may help things along you know." Jessy said. "I'll walk with her Bob, that is if you don't mind." Margaret offered. "No that would be better than her being alone." Mr. Smith said as Jessy checked her watch and Margaret headed out with her and they walked the block to home. All day long people stopped by checking on Jessy's progress, disappointed when she answered the door herself and scared when she'd made them walk her up and down the block having contractions all the way. Finally about 4:30 Jessy started the real work, pushing and pushing and at 5:05 she gave birth to a beautiful 8 lb 10 ounce baby boy. Before the next hour came, they had cleaned up Jacob Walker Mackenzie and Jessy, making the trip to the hospital for the babies necessary blood tests and to be checked out by Dr. Adams. "Well everything looks just fine Jessy, we'll see you in the office in a couple of weeks to follow up on both of you. I'll call Bob and tell him you won't be in until I've seen you again. You young lady are on vacation." Dr Adams said signing release papers for them both. Jessy stopped in the office to pay for the blood work and room usage and was taken off guard as she filled out the form for Jacob's birth certificate, "Ma'am who can get a copy of this is it a public record?" Jessy asked. "No Miss State law dictates only the parents listed or their legal representatives are the only people who can request a copy." the clerk explained and under father Jessy printed Zachary Walker Hanson, signing and turning in the form and they headed back home. "Gramma pull in the Grocery, I want to show them baby Jake." Jessy asked. "Girl just go home and get off your feet you just had a baby." Gramma complained. "That's right Gramma I just had a baby, I ain't sick. Please just stop." Jessy asked as she pulled into the parking lot and they headed into the store to explain she wouldn't be in to work for awhile. "Jessy Dr. Adams just called to say you wouldn't be in for a few weeks and here you are." Mr. Smith said. "I had to bring in your newest customer." Jessy said greeting her regulars as they passed the baby around and the offers to babysit while she worked started. "Wait a minute, that's my great grandbaby and I get firsts and don't you forget it." Gramma said and they all laughed. They next two weeks passed quickly, Jessy and Jacob making the trip back to the doctor's office both doing well and Jessy started back to work parttime about the time Venita, her mom and little sister Sela were headed out for summer vacation to meet the baby and see Jessy again and of course, visit Gramma. On her way home to feed the baby one noon, Jessy saw the van in the driveway, "Venita" Jessy screamed running the rest of the way home. "Jessy" Venita screamed racing out of the house meeting her, hugging, screaming and jumping. "Wow you look great for having a baby. Bigger and better boobs. Michael would die." Venita teased. "Yeah he would. Nothing like nursing for the full breast look. I'm headed to feed Jake is he awake?" Jessy asked. "Being spoiled rotten. Mom hasn't let him touch down yet. She almost died when she had to lay him down to change his diaper." Venita said as the entered the house. "Hey Mom." Jessy said fighting the tears. "Baby girl. Oh God Jessy you're all right. We were so worried." Mom said hugging her tight. "And when you go back you'll be just as worried. I still have a year and five months to go and there's no way in hell he'll ever have anything to do with Jacob, he filled my brothers with his hatred and disrespect he won't get near Jacob." Jessy said pulling out her blouse and heading for the baby. "How's momma's boy. Yeah it's me. Hungry boy?" Jessy said as she sat to nurse and have lunch. "Thanks Gramma." Jessy said as she placed a plate in front of her. "Oh my god Sela you're beautiful. Look at you all grown up." Jessy squealed quietly not to disturb the baby. "I'm gonna dance aren't I Gramma. You gonna come huh? You gotta come and see me. Do you still dance, maybe you can help me. I want to win." Sela said. "Wow all of that and no hello Sis." Jessy teased and they filled her in on the competition held every year and the prestige of winning. "Well sure I still dance and I'll be glad to help you win. There's nothing like winning." Jessy said as she burped the baby. "I have to get back to work, what day do I need off?" Jessy asked and they handed her the flyer. Jessy made arrangements for the the day off and spent every extra house helping Sela polish her routine. They danced constantly over the next few weeks, adding new and harder steps, pushing it until she was flawless.
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