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"Babe now what? Jessy I'm tired." Zac moaned. "Then just go to sleep. I'll leave you alone." Jessy said pulling away from him. "You know I can't sleep if you're mad at me." Zac said scooting after her. "Now what? Zac I'm tired." Jessy whined sarcastically. "Jessy what is it? Babe talk to me." Zac whispered wrapping his arms around her pulling her closer, adding, "Tell me what's bothering you so much you can't sleep." "You are." Jessy answered. "I are what? Bothering you? Hey you started this, I know, I was here." Zac teased. "No, what you did earlier is bothering me so much it's all I can think about." Jessy explained. "Babe I've done so much, tell me which stupid human trick is bothering." Zac teased. "Zac, stop. Forget it, I'm taking a shower maybe then I can sleep. Goodnight, be asleep when I get back" Jessy snarled at him, making her way from bed and to the bathroom and into the shower, "I told you to go to sleep." Jessy said as Zac entered the shower. "You can't tell me what to do." Zac answered sticking out his tongue. "You're impossible." Jessy said turning her back on him fighting back the tears. "I'm sorry Jessy. Don't cry babe, I didn't mean to make you cry. Please Jessy tell me what's wrong." Zac asked placing his hand on her shoulder. "Hold me Zac." Jessy pleaded turning to him, hugging him tight. "Of course I will. Forever in my arms, it's where you belong." Zac whispered holding her close. "Zac remember on the plane, I said someday we'd have a house full of happy, healthy babies. Zac you said 'but not now' kissed my belly and said 'sorry babies'. Zac isn't waiting, my taking the pill what you want? I mean you were right there even asking questions. Zac, isn't this what you want?" Jessy asked. "Sure. Whatever you want babe." Zac answered hugging her tighter. "That isn't an answer. Zac, tell me. Not what you think I want to hear. Tell me how you feel, please hun. I can handle the truth, I promise, I love you enough." Jessy pleaded. "No babe, it's not what I want. I want to have babies right away but Jessy I don't have to carry the baby. I don't have to change my plans because I'm pregnant. I'm not the one, you are that's why, why I didn't say anything when you told me that because of Chele and Tay and Ike and Mandy that we shouldn't have a baby right away." Zac said. "I don't believe this. How could you do this to me? What this is all about me, we're living my life huh? Well this is just great. I don't believe this. Do you have any idea that my heartbroke when you said you thought it was a good idea, that you agreed with me about not having a baby right away? Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to scream at you for not wanting to have a baby? Zac, I cried at the doctors office when he said he was impressed with how much you had researched birth control. Do you know I felt like I didn't have a choice, that even though it wasn't what I wanted to do, I didn't have a choice because you were so into it, so sure it was what we should do." Jessy explained backing further and further away from him, backing into the wall as the realization sunk in. "Babe I didn't know." Zac said reaching for her. "Don't touch me. How could you do this to me? What other lies are we living? Anything else you keeping from me huh? Who are you? Do I even know you?" Jessy said pushing him away, then moaning holding her stomach. "Babe please stop, you're going to make yourself sick." Zac pleaded. "Too late." Jessy said bolting for the toilet to vomit. "Babe I'm sorry." Zac pleaded placing a towel over her shivering body, pulling back her hair. "God I'm sorry. Jessy I didn't mean for this to happen. Babe I'm so sorry." Zac cried drying her off, trying anything to help her, make her more comfortable. By now Jessy was shivering uncontrollably. After she flushed she curled up on the floor, holding her stomach, "Zac have you always doubted me, my love for you? What am I, some, some sort of conquest? It doesn't matter to you? I don't matter? What does?" Jessy mumbled. "Dear God what have I done? I asked you, I prayed for you to help me. Look at what I've done. Jessy I'm sorry. You're all that matters. You know that. I know you do. You're my life Jessy and you're all that matters to me." Zac confessed laying down with her, holding her close to him. "Babe I swear, not having babies right away is the only thing I've held back on. Jessy I did because it's your body, you know you have to carry the baby not me. I wanted to tell you, but, but I know how much you love me and if I told you I want a baby now and later, I just knew if I told you, you'd have a baby for me even if you didn't want to right yet. It's true isn't Jessy, you would, wouldn't you. You love me so much you would do something you didn't want to, just to make me happy." Zac asked. "Yeah. I would Zac. I love you so much." Jessy said holding back the sobs. "That's why Jessy. I didn't tell you how I felt Babe because I wanted you to do what was right for you." Zac explained. "But I didn't Zac. I did what I thought you wanted because that's how you acted. You acted like a baby would get in the way of living our life. Zac I didn't like you for acting that way. The number of times I wanted to scream at you for acting like our baby would be wrong. Zac how'd we go so wrong." Jessy asked. "I don't know babe, but together we really suck at this." Zac answered then snickered. "We did do it together though Zac, that's got to count for something. At least we messed it up together." Jessy giggled, adding, "We're pathetic." "Yeah I lied to myself to protect you but you went and lied to yourself so the not me and the not you suck. They suck big time." Zac declared turning her to face him. "I'm sorry. I never meant for this to hurt you. Jessy I should have told you, trusted you to do the right thing if I was honest with you because I do babe I trust you with everything especially our babies. Jessy I should have told you that I feel it wasn't my place to play God. If God wants us to have a baby now than Chele, Tay, Mandy and Ike will just have to put up with the baby crying, needing all our attention because that's what babies do and if they don't like it they can move." Zac shared. "Oh God Zac." Jessy started to cry, finishing, "That's how I honestly felt. Why didn't we just trust ourselves. Why did I have to be me, thinking of other people. God Zac why didn't I think about us, about our baby first. This is my fault isn't it. Zac I'm so sorry. I did this not you, I started this myself because I worried about the four of them. I was so mean to you a minute ago and it wasn't your fault. Oh baby I'm so sorry. Forgive me Zac?" Jessy begged. "Jessy I love you and you know I admire that you think of others. This one backfired but this is just once to the thousands of times I'm so proud of you and the way you think of others. Babe I don't think your thinking of them was wrong. I think both of us not being honest about how we really felt is what went wrong." Zac admitted. "I think your awfully smart about these things. Zac I'm tired of laying on the floor. Do you think we can get up?" Jessy asked and they got up, dressed and headed to bed. "Zac?" Jessy asked. "Yeah babe?" Zac asked holding her closer. "I don't want to take the pill any more. I'm so tired of having to talk myself into taking it. Arguing with myself to convince myself it's right. Boy am I stubborn. Everyday at 2pm I fought with myself, forcing myself into swallowing that thing. Why didn't I say there's something wrong here?" Jessy asked. "Oh babe.." Zac said pausing to caress her face, continuing, "Jessy I still feel it's your decision, but babe I don't want you to take the pill. I don't want us to do anything to not get pregnant because if God thinks we should have a baby, then we should trust him that it's right." Zac shared, adding, "I feel so much better being honest with you. The times, so many times I wanted to tell you but something always stopped me." "Me too Zac. We're so much better this way, true to each other." Jessy added as they gazed deep into each others souls becoming one drifting off to sleep. "Wow. I don't think I've ever seen anything so perfect. Look at them." Taylor said noticing Zac and Jessy so peaceful as they slept. "You're right baby. They sure are meant to be as you guys put it." Chele agreed. "Sssh Jessy was up sick last night." Zac whispered. "She okay?" Chele asked. "Yeah she's fine now. Never better." Zac answered kissing the top of Jessy's head. "How could she not be with you loving her as much as you do." Chele said making her way to the bathroom to join Taylor. "Sis okay?" Taylor asked. "Yeah TayBear. She's fine baby." Chele said hugging him tight. "Wow. What did I do baby?" Taylor asked. "You're better than any teddy bear, you hug back." Chele declared. They dressed and joined the others for breakfast explaining Jessy had been sick during the night and they were sleeping in. After breakfast they woke them to pack for the flight home. Over the next three week that was their life, one flight after another criss crossing the country appearing on Howie, Tonight Show, Letterman, Regis and Kathie Lee, Today, After Breakfast, Oprah, Good Morning America and all the rest even appearing on Rosie again before Isaac and Mandy returned to school. Instead of living in the dorms this year Isaac moved in with Mandy but really didn't tell the world only Chele, Tay, Jessy and Zac and the four of them were constantly flying here and there with calls into Isaac and Mandy to include them in interviews. The family gathered for Zac's birthday, Isaac and Mandy returning for a long weekend. Every free minute Jessy had was spent on her school work and a week earlier than estimated, Jessy completed her final tests successfully and graduated high school a month before her 17th birthday. All attentions now were focused on the upcoming wedding.
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Part Forty-nine - Day Has Come
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