I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics 
of interest to both of us. 

Please send: 

 __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______ 
 __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________ 
 __ Clean clothes! 

Relationships: 

__ What? 
__ I am in love with myself 
__ I am in love! 
__ I am engaged 
__ I got married last weekend 

My Roommate: 

__ Worships the ground I walk on 
__ Gave me a black eye 
__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason 
__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ??? 
__ Has fleas 

My Professors are: 

__ Sadistic water walkers 
__ Mental institution escapees 
__ Brain dead nerds 
__ Super oxygen thieves 

Latest News: 

__ I wrecked the car 
__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit 
limit 
__ You are going to have a grandchild 
__ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild 

Food: 

__ Is great! 
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking 
__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals 

Grades: 

__ I am making all A's 
__ I am not being properly challenged 
__ I will be home after this semester 

I study: 

__ Night and day 
__ All the time 
__ 80 hours a week 
__ Only on Sunday afternoon 
__ None of the above 

Daily Devotions: 

__ I read my Bible everyday 
__ I can't read 
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars 

On my last visit home, I left: 

__ My glasses 
__ My paper that was due yesterday 
__ The clothes you washed for me 
__ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills 
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment 
__ Other _____________________________________________ 

Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS 
Blue) 

Laundry: 

__ My white underwear is now _________________ 
__ I am saving money by not using detergent 
__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester 
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains 

My room: 

__ Can pass your "white glove" test 
__ Is only _____% full 
__ Could not be located last Saturday night 
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training 

Parties: 

__ I don't inhale 
__ I only go to meet people 
__ Haven't been to one since this morning 

Hope you: 

__ Miss me 
__ Can live without me 
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence 

Salutation: 

__ Your Daughter, 
__ Your Son, 
__ Yours, 

(Insert Name Here): ________________________