Hello, my name is XXXXXXXXX.  I am suffering from rare and deadly 
diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of 
being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not 
sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who 
actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in 
Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the 
cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took 
pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site 
will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter. 

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and 
everyone you send "his" email to $1000?  How fucking stupid are you? 
Ooooh,looky here!  If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get 
laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog!  What a bunch of 
bullshit.  So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the 
people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid 
forwards.  Maybe the evil chainletter leprechauns will come into my dorm 
room and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was 
started by Jesus in 5A.D. and was brought to this country by midget 
pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be 
in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of 
blatant stupidity.  Fuck them.  If you're going to forward something, at 
least send something mildly amusing.  I've seen all the "send this to 50 
of your closest friends,and this poor, wretched excuse for a  human 
being will somehow receive a nickel 
from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't 
fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're 
actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your 
own unpopularity.  Thank you, and feel free to delete this email without 
sending it on to others (unless they have it coming). 
 

What are games missing today. What are people missing. What are animals 
missing? Games lack technology, and always will. People lack Starcraft. 
Animals lack intelligence. If animals had intelligence do you think they 
would care about Starcraft? Would they have enough instinct to invade 
Bliz HQ? I am thinking at the moment and have nothing to say, yet I do. 
Stupid mind is playing tricks on me, but how can it because without my 
mind, tricks could not be played on me. Y do we need velcrow now that 
we have saudering irons? Wouldn't battery-flavored bubble gum be tasty? 
I wonder if some company in the future would be dumb enough to make a 
candy bar called " Piece o shit" and that it looked like shit. That 
would be funny, but nobody would buy it. I am hungry. I think i'll go 
eat some quiches. Quiches are good. Miniture pie crusts with stuff in 
em I call em. They're really good. REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!! I'm still 
hungry. Maybe it's because I haven't eaten my quiches, yet alone 
prepared them. Isn't potato a strange word? Sometimes it looks like 
potato and sometimes it doesn't. WHAT THE HELL IS A POTATO? It's mush! 
Mush that tastes like.......POTATO!!!! I'm getting confused. what 
would we do without butter? Well, for one thing, the entire world 
would lose about 1,000,000,000 pounds. Y do people get fat? I despise 
fat people that go to all you can eat buffets. U know y? Because I 
work at a buffet! They come up for a little meat and you think,"Gosh, 
this person is trying to keep the weight down." Then a few minutes 
later they come back for some more meat and then some more and then 
some more AND THEN SOME MORE. GUESS WHAT?!?!?! THEY ATE THE WHOLE 
FRICKEN 20 POUNDS OF ROAST BEEF!!!!!!! 
 
 

MEMORANDUM 
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals 
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course 
of normal conversation with their coworkers.  Due to complaints received 
from some employees who may be easily  offended, this type of 
language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the critical 
importance of being able to accurately express your feelings 
when communicating with  coworkers, therefore, a list of preferred 
new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and 
information can continue in an effective manner without risk of 
offending our more sensitive employees. Preferred Phrase * Old Phrase 
 
 
 
 

-------------------------------------------------------------------- 
 

     Perhaps I can work late 
     * When the fuck do you expect me to do this? 

     I'm certain that is not feasible 
     * No fucking way 

     Really? 
     * You've got to be shitting me 

     Perhaps you should check with ... 
     * Tell someone who gives a shit 

     Of course I'm concerned 
     * Ask me if I give a shit 

     I wasn't involved in that project 
     * Its not my fucking problem 

     That's interesting behavior 
     * What the fuck?? 

     I'm not sure I can implement this 
     * Fuck it, it won't work 

     I'll try to schedule that 
     * Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner? 

     Are you sure this is a problem 
     * Who the fuck cares? 

     He's not familiar with the problem 
     * He's got his head up his ass 

     Excuse me sir? 
     * Eat shit and die motherfucker 

     So you weren't happy with it? 
     *Kiss my ass 

     I'm a bit overloaded at this moment 
     * Fuck it, I'm on salary 

     I don't think you understand 
     * Shove it up your ass 

     I love a challenge 
     * This job sucks 

     You want me to take care of that? 
     * Who the hell died and made you boss? 

     I see 
     * Blow me 

     Yes, we really should discuss it 
     * Another fucking meeting 

     I don't think this will be a problem 
     * I really don't give a shit 

     He's somewhat insensitive 
     * He's a fucking prick 

     She's an aggressive go getter 
     * She's a ball busting bitch 

     I think you could use more training 
     * You don't know what the fuck you're doing