Alaska: Come, freeze your butt off 

Arizona: Winter home to 150,000 snowbirds 

Arkansas: At least we're not Mississippi 

California: The Granola State 
Nobody's actually from here 
Fast reloading lanes available 
The really long state 

Colorado: 
Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here 
Official home of the winter ski bunny 

Connecticut: 
Way too close to New York 

Delaware: 
You'll need a map to find us 
So close to Washington you can smell it 

Florida: 
The Gunshine State 
Elephant Graveyard; where the old Republicans go to die 
Senior citizen discounts available 
Come, enjoy the humidity 
The snow capital of the US 

Georgia: 
Home of the Rednecks 
Gateway to Florida 
Confederate money welcome 

Hawaii: 
Sure, we've got Interstates... drive on over 
Book 'em Danno 
Tom Selik, Jack Lord, Don Ho - Paradise! 
Come, get lai-ed 

Idaho: 
Ain't nothing here 
We don't care if you spell potato with an "e" 
Land of a billion "eyes" 

Illinois: 
Land of the voting dead 
Gateway to Iowa 

Indiana: 
Home of David Letterman 
Iowa: 
Just east of Omaha 
It's easy to spell 
Kansas: 
Hayfever capital of the Midwest 
Dole slept here 
There's no place like home 
Ya want flat, we got flat 

Kentucky: 
Tobacco is a vegetable 
We're all related 
Gateway to Nashville 

Louisiana: 
Swim the beautiful Bayou 
Cancer Alley's just a name, and names will never hurt you 

Maine: 
For Sale 
You can spit on Canada from here 

Maryland: 
If it weren't for Washington, you couldn't find us 

Massachusetts: 
Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted 
Kennedy, hmmmm... 

Michigan: 
Land of the free, home of the Buick 

Minnesota: 
Not Sweden, but we try to act like it 
Sure beats Canada 

Mississippi: 
We're lucky we can spell it 
Why would you want to come here? 

Missouri: 
Gateway to Kansas 
Here's mine, Show Me yours 
We're better than Illinois 

Montana: 
Land of the Big Sky, and very little else 
We've got lots of 10'x10' shacks in the woods 
It's where you're wanted. 
At least our cows are sane. 

Nebraska: 
More corn than Kansas 
Go to Kansas, turn north 

Nevada: 
More weirdos than Alaska (warmer too) 
2 words - Death Valley 
3:5 you'll leave broke 
We have our own nuclear testing site 

New Hampshire: 
Like Old Hampshire, only newer 
About as exciting as Vermont 
New Jersey: 
You have the right to remain silent, 
You have the right to an attorney... 
Tell 'em Guido sent ya 

New Mexico: 
Lizards make excellent pets 
We have reservations 
Alien Welcome Center - Roswell 

New York: 
At least we're not New Jersey! 
We're more than a big city; we're a state 
Like we CARE about a motto 
English spoken here; sometimes 

North Carolina: 
Five million people; Fifteen last names 
We're bigger than South Carolina 
North Dakota: 
The OTHER South Dakota 
Ohio: 
Don't judge us by Cleveland 
Proud polluters of Lake Erie 
We're easy to spell 

Oklahoma: 
We're OK, you're NOT! 
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto 

Oregon: 
As pretty as California but not as weird 
We're not named after a musical instrument 
You can see the sunset from here 

Pennsylvania: 
Cook with coal 
Free lub job with oil change 

Rhode Island: 
Size ain't everything 
Nobody famous came from Rhode Island 

South Carolina: 
Just south of North Carolina 

South Dakota: 
Closer than North Dakota 

Tennessee: 
The Educashun State 
Thank goodness we've still got Elvis 
A great fixer-upper 

Texas: 
Si Hablo Ingles 
See, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas! 

Utah: 
Our Jesus is better than your Jesus 
At least our sheep can't talk 

Vermont: 
Bet ya can't name 2 of our towns 

Virginia: 
Please don't confuse us with West Virginia! 

Washington: 
We like our state, so STAY OUT! 

West Virgina: 
Where "family values" has a different meaning 

Wisconsin: 
Land of funny accents. 
Say "Cheeeese" 

Wyoming: 
Where men are lonely and sheep are scared