THE GHOST SHIT 
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet 
paper,but there's no shit in the bowl. 

THE CLEAN SHIT 
The kind where you feel the shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but 
there's no shit on the toilet paper. 

THE WET SHIT 
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end 
up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you 
don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. 

THE SECOND WAVE SHIT 
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your 
knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more. 

THE BRAIN HEMMORRHAGE THROUGH THE NOSE SHIT 
Also known as "pop a vein in your forehead shit". You have to strain 
so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a 
stroke. 

THE CORN SHIT 
No explanation necessary. 

THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT 
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down 
without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush. 

THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER SHIT 
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. 
It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the 
toilet bowl after you flush. 

THE GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT 
The kind of shit where you want to shit, but even after straining your 
guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. 

THE WET CHEEKS SHIT Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind 
that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed 
with toilet water. 

THE LIQUID SHIT 
That's the kind where yellow-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, 
splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, 
chronically burns your tender poop-chute. 

THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT 
A class all its own. 

THE CROWD PLEASER 
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to 
show it to someone before flushing. 

THE MOOD ENHANCER 
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby 
allowing you to be your old self again. 

THE RITUAL 
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with 
the aid of a newspaper. 

THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT 
A shit so noteworthy it would be recorded for future generations. 

THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT 
This shit has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity 
within the next 7 hours is affected. 

THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT 
This is any shit created in the presence of another person. 

THE GROANER 
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. 

THE FLOATER 
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to 
resurface after many flushings. 

THE RANGER 
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a 
rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to 
push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. 

THE PHANTOM SHIT 
This shit appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to 
putting it there. 

THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT 
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. 
Requires patience and muscle control. 

THE BOMBSHELL 
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at the time that is either 
inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you 
are nowhere near shitting facilities. 

THE SNAKE CHARMER 
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening 
position - usually harmless. 

THE OLYMPIC SHIT 
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any 
competitive event in which you are entered, and bears a close 
resemblance to the Drinker's Shit. 

THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT 
This shit may be of any variety but it always deposited either in the 
woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. 

THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT 
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from 
God when you actually CAN'T shit. 

PREMEDITATED SHIT 
Laxative induced. Doesn't count. 

SHITZOPHRENIA 
Fear of shitting - can be fatal] 

THE ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT 
Also known as the "Still Going" shit. 

THE POWER DUMP SHIT 
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when 
you're done. 

THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT 
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and overflows all 
over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln 
Log Shit.) 

THE SPINAL TAP SHIT 
the kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got 
to be coming out sideways. 

THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT 
Similar to the Lincoln Log and the Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and 
size of the turd resembles a tall beer can. Vacuous air space remains 
in the rectum for some time afterwards. 

THE PORRIDGE SHIT 
The type of shit that comes out like tootpaste, and just keeps on 
coming. You have two choices: 
(a) flush and keep going, or 
(b) risk piling up to your butt while you sit there  helpless. 

THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT 
When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of 
your rectum on the way out in the morning. 

THE "I THINK I"M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT 
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles 
and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.