September 30, 1998 (TN): A 21 year old male from Knoxville was found masturbating in his bedroom in what police described as an "uncontrollable, unstoppable, UNBELIEVABLE fit of self-gratification…". Firefighters were called to the scene Monday by a neighbor who smelled something burning.  The young male was found nude, conducting self-pleasure at an 'alarming' pace. Genitals aflame and hand firmly attached to his penis, the boy denied ALL forms of help.  Police reports confirm the boy is a member of www.xxxspace.com ,an Internet web site which has been connected with the hot displays of horny women engaging in SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. 

Investigator Officer Hardway dismissed the "incident" as a result of prolonged exposure to http://www.xxxspace.com 

Hardway confessed: "This is ONE of the most perverse things I have EVER been witness to" 
  
  
  
  
 

  
Subject: I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. 
  
  
  

you have to get a laugh out of this one.... 

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline.  Needless to say 
the 
helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the 
WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause". 
Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee: 

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" 

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." 
"What sort of trouble?" 
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went 
away." 
"Went away?" 
"They disappeared." 
"Hmm.  So what does your screen look like now?" 
"Nothing." 
"Nothing?" 
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." 
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" 
"How do I tell?" 
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" 
"What's a sea-prompt?" 
"Never mind.  Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There 
isn't 
any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I 
type." 
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?" 
"What's a monitor?" 
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it 
have 
a little light that tells you when it's on?" 
"I don't know." 
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power 
cord 
goes into it.  Can you see that?" 
"Yes, I think so." 
"Great.  Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged 
into the wall." 
".......Yes, it is." 
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two 
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" 
"No." 
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the 
other 
cable." 
"....... Okay, here it is." 
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back 
of 
your computer." 
"I can't reach." 
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" 
"No." 
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" 
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because 
it's dark." 
"Dark?" 
"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in 
from the window." 
"Well, turn on the office light then." 
"I can't." 
"No?  Why not?" 
"Because there's a power outrage." 
"A power... A power outrage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you 
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came 
in?" 
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." 
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like 
it was when you got it. 
Then take it back to the store you bought it from." 
"Really? Is it that bad?" 
"Yes, I'm afraid it is." 
"Well, all right then, I suppose.  What do I tell them?" 
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.