Hi. I'm Jay -- the "beet" of the band. (Oops I meen "beat", I've never 
bean so good at spelling. Oh, look. Sumbody even spelt 
my naim rong. It is supposed to be "Kloschinsky". Ha Ha.). I've beet 
those skins for many years, starting in a hi skool band. (I 
guess I shud have spend more time in English class -- but druming was 
much mor fun!) I am a man of few words, but if you got 
allot (or is that gaw tallot) of beers or sum fine wisky, I will do some 
pretty wiked immatations for you. Like Jim Ignatowsky 
(from Taxi -- anybody stay up late enough to see those reruns -- it's 
after Star Trek?). Or the marshan from Bugs Bunny. 
Maybe even the en tire Bugs Bunny cast? 
I like to pull out the golf hammers once in a while. It's the best weigh 
to relacks befour a gig, I always say. Drum stix is kinda 
like golf stix, aren't they? 

Oh -- gotta go! Sylvester is about to eat dat dam Tweety Berd -- don't 
wanna miss that! 

 It is wrong for someone to go to jail because they say something like 
"Man, that shit is whack!" 

miscellaneous swarming air of families. I watch 
her all the time doing things in measured 
sequence, skillfully, with seeming ease, unlike my 
former wives, who had a tendency to feel 
estranged from the objective world -- a self-absorbed and high-strung 
bunch, with ties to 
the intelligence community. 
"It's not the station wagons I wanted to see. 
What are the people like? Do the women wear 
plaid skirts, cable-knit sweaters? Are the men in 
hacking jackets? What's a hacking jacket?" 

Episode Eighteen 

(it's late...it's so late...) 

Repeat after me: 

I did not sanction the world to be this way. 

This bag is not a toy. 

It is wrong to love ice cream more than your spouse. 

Plutonium is not a god. 

There is nothing wrong with the word 'vagina'. 

Jesus had a beard. 

Noah had a boat. 

Joseph had a coat. 

But Jesus had a beard. 

Three times before you have felt the madness. 

Known the terror. 

Lived the horror. 

But this is the one you've been screaming for. 

There is nothing wrong with the word 'apothecary'. 

Insomnia is not a toy. 

Leisure rules. 

Eventually, everyone goes to the zoo. 

Be obsequious, and have your knees removed. 

Purple and clairvoyant. 
We are young despite the years; we are old despite the 
times. 

THE RICH ARE NOT EVIL AT BIRTH; THE FOLLOWING COUNTRIES ARE GOVERNED PROPERLY; 
A PIPELINE SHOULD NOT CARRY LIVING CREATURES; 
DEATH COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT; 
A SPECIES IS ONLY AS GOOD AS ITS EVOLUTION; 
LEE HARVEY OSWALD ACTED ALONE; 
THERE IS NO JEWISH CONSPIRACY; 
CLUB SODA WILL REMOVE CERTAIN STAINS FROM UPHOLSTERY; 
COWBOY BOOTS SHOULD NOT BE SO EXPENSIVE THAT EVERYONE CAN'T AFFORD A PAIR; 
MELANIN IS NOT A MEASURE OF APTITUDE; 
DO NOT SCREAM AT THE SKY UNLESS YOU MEAN IT; 
PRAYER WORKS; 
THERE IS MUCH FUN TO BE HAD WITH A SLIPPERY GLOVE. 

(you have been saved...can you give me amen?) 

-Darkman 

Finally, I'll add that adding small frogs to your coffee enhances 
absorption of several psychogenic tannins, a useful technique for 
studying temporary insanity. 

[Yeah, whatever...] 

1) Sometimes we're a hit together. Sometimes we're a hit together. 
2) Regrets just make you mad. Will make you keep a sharpened knife. 
3) She say, "Not paw gal and pat her ass, you big ape, but ask, ply, and get her hot for sin." 
4) Ted was wig boy for Big Joe Ely. One day, Joe can not 
see his wig. Joe say, "Wig boy? You eat the wig? Huh?" 
"Sir, I'll say not," say Ted. Big Joe get mad, get cop. 
Now Ted, sad wig boy, sit and rot. Big Joe Ely has new wig boy, 
Lee Roy Yen. It's odd, how mad Joe got for one wig, huh? 
5) See I have a rhyme assisting, 
My feeble brain, its tasks resisting. 

and 
 

May I have a large container of coffee? 
6) "leechbelly" it sounds like it ought to be the name of a particularly 
unfortunate plant with blood-colored leaves, doesn't it? 
7) "Dogwood," I said, and then, "cowslip." 
8) A weak homomorph's Post Office delivers so I don't 
count it as a homomorph, but that sense of "gallon" is never used. 

[Thanks for my time and it is real lat e and I neeeedd 
sleep>>>!!  BYESS!!! 

Cheesy comments on life 

Another day over. Another day older. One less day until finals. One day 
closer to death. 
Yes. Once again, I've lost my direction in life. As often happens, it's 
Prozac time for Chris. Actually, that isn't true. I've never 
even seen a Prozac pill, though I think they're blue. And I suspect I'm 
moody because of the massive quantities of caffeine I've 
been ingesting. I figured that out last night... at 5:00 am... caffeine 
sucks when you want to sleep. So no more caffeine for me. 
Not today. Not tomorrow. But probably the day after 'cause my tolerence 
will have dropped back to normal by then. 
Here's some famous words from the Caffeine FAQ: 
    "Finally, I'll add that adding small frogs to your coffee enhances absorption of several psychogenic tannins, a useful 
technique for studying temporary insanity." 
Really. It was in there. Strange, eh? 
I figure I'm missing three things in my life. I need more Monty Python 
in my blood. [I think my ex-roommate stole my Life of 
Brian tape] I need more time on the slopes. And I need a real 
relationship. Not one of those stupid one-nighters, not that I've 
even had one of them for yonks. 'Course, the speed I move at, I'll 
probably stay single until the year 2000 because I won't get 
off my butt and actually *call* anyone. 
We are meant to get some snow tonight. With a high of about zero 
tomorrow. I think I'll take my snowboard out, catch the 
bus, and hike over to Snow Valley for a few morning hours. 
-=Christopher Thompson=- 
[Next time... Chris rediscovers his happy pills]