Doug and Carrie are in the kitchen getting ready to go on a double date with Spence and his new girlfriend, Becky.

Carrie: Doug!
Doug: I'm here. I'm ready.
Carrie: Where's the blanket?
Doug: What?
Carrie: I just yelled up for you to bring down a blanket.
Doug: Oh, I couldn't understand you. Whatever you wanted, I was just hoping it would blow over.
Carrie: Well, it hasn't. We are seeing a movie in the park, and I would prefer a layer of protection between me and whatever the
police force just left.
Doug: Huh, it's not bad enough we got to go out with Spence and his new girlfriend, we got to go see a movie in a park?
Carrie: Doug, I think it's great that he finally has a date. Come on. We have to be supportive. He is your friend.
Doug: Yeah, but he's not a double date friend. He's the third wheel. He's the one who watches the coach when the rest of us are out
dancing.
Carrie: Well, tonight he has a date and we have to leave in five minutes.
Doug: So you uh, still on this blanket kick, or...
Carrie: YES! GO! Dad! Your dinner's ready!
Arthur: Great. I worked up quite an appetite at my "Movement to Music" class. Bring on the pickles.
Carrie: Here you go.
Arthur: A meal in a tray. Thank you stewardess. When do we land?
Carrie: I'm sorry, Dad. I didn't have time to make you a whole thing.
Arthur: Probably for the best, based on last night's pink chicken scare.
Carrie: What are you doing?
Doug: What? You wanted a blanket.
Carrie: That is the comforter from our bed!
Doug: Why do you always give me jobs where you know I'm going to fail? So what movie are we seeing anyway?
Carrie: Casablanca.
Doug: Oh. Black and white movie?
Carrie: It's a great movie. Dad, back me up here.
Arthur: Casablanca. Never saw it.
Carrie: You must have! Humphrey Bogart owns a cafe, Ingrid Bergman walks back into-
Arthur: Don't ruin it for me!! LALALALALALALALALALA!!

Doug and Carrie are at the movie with Spence and Becky.

Carrie: What is the matter with you?
Doug: I got to keep shifting. My ass is so asleep it's dreaming.
Becky: Hey, anybody hungry? I made some stuff. Mango spring rolls.
Carrie: Mm-hmm.
Becky: And cider basted spare ribs.
Carrie: Wow Becky. You made all this for the movie?
Becky: Don't worry. I go to the Culinary Institute, so this is a project for one of my classes.
Doug: Well, feel free to tell the teacher that Doug ate your homework. What is this?
Becky: Oh, it's a shrimp and chive quesadilla. With salsa and chili sour cream.
Doug: Really?
Becky: You like it?
Doug: Like it? I got a chunk in my teeth I'm saving for the ride home.
Becky: Really? You're so nice. Why are you picking out the chives?
Spence: Cause they activate my Potemkin Reese syndrome.
Doug: MMM!
Becky: What? What, what?
Doug: What are these crispy nuggets, and why aren't they in every vending machine across the country?
Becky: Here, try them with the dipping sauces.
Doug: What do you got?
Becky: I got honey mustard, and don't laugh. Chocolate.
Doug: Don't you laugh when I dip one nugget in both.

Arthur is watching a movie in the living room. Carrie comes downstairs.

Carrie: Oh! You got Casablanca.
Arthur: It's marvelous. Bogart chooses the greater good over his own desires. Quite an uplifting message.
Carrie: I know. It's a classic.
Arthur: Actually, while I was at the video store, another box caught my eye. Some kind of a holiday picture.
Carrie: It's a Wonderful Life?
Arthur: Who knows? Maybe I discovered a hidden gem.
Carrie: I think we both did.

Doug comes in the back door as Carrie walks into the kitchen.

Doug: Hey honey.
Carrie: Hi! Do you want to order some take out?
Doug: Na, I'm not really hungry.
Carrie: Seriously. Where do you want to order from?
Doug: No, I'm not. I'm not hungry. I was over at Spence's, and Becky made me these incredible grilled scallops with bacon. Bacon!
Carrie: Well, why didn't you tell me you were having dinner over there? I've been waiting for you.
Doug: I wasn't planning on it. I just stopped by and she asked me my opinion on a few of her recipes. I actually brought a couple of
scallops back for you, but there was a very long line at Northern Boulevard, and they went away.
Carrie: Well, you took them as far as you could, hon.
Doug: Get this. She asked me if I'd do this for her like twice a week.
Carrie: What do you mean? Like, just go over there and eat?
Doug: Yeah.
Carrie: Well. Why can't Spence just help her?
Doug: Because he's allergic to everything. The guy is like one sesame seed away from living in a plastic bubble.
Carrie: OK, well. If that's what you want to do.
Doug: What? What's the matter?
Carrie: Well, I just don't think with your four digit cholesterol that eating professionally is the best thing for you right now.
Doug: Come on, Carr.
Carrie: I'm serious.
Doug: So am I. Come on. Look, I've eaten a lot of food in my day cooked by a lot of different people, and I got to tell you, this kid's
got it. Carrie, let me be part of this. Like Superman, I was put here for a reason.

Doug is in the bedroom talking on the phone with Becky.

Doug: What are you cooking, Becky? You got Monterey Jack cheese melting inside the burger? It's an inside out cheeseburger, is
that what you're telling me? Oh, God, does that sound good.

Carrie comes into the bedroom with a laundry basket.

Doug: OK. Let me just throw this at you, OK? Now, what if, instead of fries, you went with sweet potato wedges? Oh, stop, stop. No.
Hey, Einstein was a genius.

Carrie places the basket roughly down on the bed next to Doug.

Doug: Oh, hey, hon. OK, so I'll see you Thursday. All right, bye.
Carrie: Surprised you didn't try to suck the food through the phone line.
Doug: OK. Look. Before you start copping attitude, I'm going to the gym again. So with all the extra food, it's a push. This area right
here will remain unchanged. That's my pledge to you.
Carrie: It's not just that, Doug. It's this whole thing with Becky.
Doug: Thing? There isn't a thing.
Carrie: Oh. I think there's a thing.
Doug: Are you saying I'm attracted to her or something?
Carrie: I don't know what it is, Doug. All I know is you just spent a half hour on the phone with her. You hang up. No, you hang up.
Doug: Look, I am not interested in Becky at all! We have one thing in common, that's it. You're being ridiculous!
Carrie: I don't think I am.
Doug: Oh. So according to you, it is somehow wrong for me to go to my friend's house where his girlfriend cooks me stuff.
Carrie: Yeah.
Doug: Where does it end, Carrie? Hey, you know what? The 70 year old dispatcher lady at IPS made me brownies. Should I just
march into her cage and go 'You know what Shawntel? It is over!'
Carrie: The point is I don't have little relationships with other men where I'm talking to them on the phone, hanging out with them,
because we have stuff in common, because I know it would bother you.
Doug: Well, you know what? It absolutely wouldn't.
Carrie: No? No? Because there's a partner at my work who keeps asking me to go jogging with him in the morning. He's one of the
younger partners, you know, on his way up? So I guess it would be fine with you if I did that?
Doug: Yeah.
Carrie: Oh, good. Good! I'm glad we had this conversation because this opens up a whole new world for me.

Carrie is jogging with the partner, Mr. Thompson, from her work.

Mr. Thompson: You know, they say you actually burn more calories speed walking than running.
Carrie: Really.

Carrie sees Spence sitting alone on a bench.

Carrie: Spence?
Spence: Oh, hey Carrie.
Carrie: Oh, I got to stop. He owes me money.
Mr. Thompson: Well, I'll circle around.
Carrie: OK!
Spence: Who was that?
Carrie: He's one of the partners from my law firm. Listen, if Doug asks, he's got a rock hard ass, OK?
Spence: Ooh. What's going on?
Carrie: What's going on is, I'm jogging with this putz every morning because Doug is spending all this time with your girlfriend.
Spence: Yeah, what is up with that?
Carrie: I don't know. You tell me.
Spence: Well, they're so annoying. You know? It's like, 'Ooh, Doug, taste this. Doug, dip that. Spence, go get Doug a shrimp fork.'
Carrie: Oh, I know! And how about that "incredible veal dish" she makes, right? Not getting that.
Spence: Thank you!
Carrie: It's like ease the product on the garlic, honey.
Spence: Pure showboat.
Carrie: I know!
Mr. Thompson: You coming, Carrie?
Carrie: Oh, yeah. Just get me my freaking money.

Doug comes home from work, and Carrie is taking a nap. Doug wakes Carrie up.

Carrie: Rock hard ass!
Doug: No, honey. It's me.
Carrie: Oh.
Doug: Carrie, these jogs are wiping you out. You, you really don't need to keep doing this to prove a point.
Carrie: I am not doing this to prove a point. I love the chill of early morning.
Doug: If hanging out with Becky bothers you this much, you know what? It's not worth it.
Carrie: Really?
Doug: Yes. Yeah, and you know what? In fact, come with me. Loving husband in action. Here we go.

Doug takes the phone and starts dialing.

Doug: This is the kind of guy you married, OK? It's the machine. Becky, hi. Uh, yeah, it's Doug. Listen, I'm not going to be able to
come over and do the food thing anymore. Yeah, I'm really busy at work and I got a lot of things going on. So uh, from now on, send
the food over with Spence, and I'll give him my comments, OK? All right, thank you. Bye bye. See, now everybody wins. I don't see
her anymore, and I still get to eat her food. Which reminds me, I got some leftover pasta here. This is great. Ah, spaghetti and
meatballs. Sounds boring, doesn't it? Not when it's three different colored noodles. Phaza! Mm. That's incredible.
Carrie: OK. You know what? Um, this isn't going to work for me either.
Doug: What?
Carrie: Yeah, I don't want you eating her food.
Doug: I told you, I'm not attracted to her, I'm not seeing her anymore!
Carrie: But you're still involved!
Doug: With her spaghetti!
Carrie: Even so!
Doug: I'm eating it! I'm not sleeping with it! It's food!!
Carrie: Exactly! It's like you're having a food affair!
Doug: Eating is not cheating!
Carrie: Well, it still bothers me!!
Doug: OK, fine. You know what?! You win!! OK?! You know what, well, she found us out, so I'm going to have to end it. Yeah, oh
yeah, I love you spaghetti, but you're going to have to go! Oh, just one more kiss! Oh, Daddy loves you! Oh!

Carrie walks into the living room while Arthur is watching a movie.

Carrie: Oh! It's a Wonderful Life. Pretty great, huh?
Arthur: Actually, I think this one's a swing and a miss.
Carrie: What are you talking about? It's one of the greatest movies of all time.
Arthur: Then I don't get it. With George Bailey, the town couldn't be duller. Without him, there's nightclubs, casinos, it's fabulous! I
wish he never had been born.
Carrie: Well, that's a fresh take on it.
Arthur: By the way, I was talking to Spence, he was recommending a film about a young girl from Kansas who goes to some
magical land. Have you heard of it, darling?
Carrie: Good Lord!
Arthur: Well, I understand there are some midgets in it, and that spells funny. Anyway, I invited Spence and his new lady friend over
to watch it with us tomorrow night.
Carrie: What? No!
Arthur: What's the matter?
Carrie: Oh, I, I had this big thing with Doug and Spence's girlfriend. It's a long story, but basically, he likes her spaghetti too much.
Arthur: I see, and uh, what is spaghetti a euphemism for?
Carrie: No, Dad. He really just likes her spaghetti.
Arthur: Uh huh. And did you catch him "liking her spaghetti?"
Carrie: Dad! It's really the food! Becky's a great cook, and Doug loves what she makes!
Arthur: Well, what's wrong with that?
Carrie: I want him to like what I make, you know? It's like, remember how Mom used to make those huge dinners with the
homemade biscuits and gravy, you'd be so happy?
Arthur: Oh, sure. But your mother was home all day. You're a career woman.
Carrie: Yeah, but even if I wasn't. I mean, I'm not like Mom or Becky. You know? I don't have it in me. I'm not a nurturer.
Arthur: Of course you are. Why, you've been nothing but warm and loving to me!
Carrie: Oh, that's not true. I make you sleep in the basement.
Arthur: I know. I was just trying to throw you a bone.

Doug is at work eating lunch with Deacon.

Doug: Hey man.
Deacon: What's up?
Doug: That Tupperware looks familiar. Is that, is that Becky's?
Deacon: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She made some stuff for me. Said she wanted my opinion.
Doug: You know, I used to do that, but whatever.
Deacon: Yeah, she said, uh, you couldn't do it anymore.
Doug: Yeah, Carrie got all psycho about it.
Deacon: Oh. One man's psycho wife is another man's turkey meatloaf. And oh, sweet potato wedges. Mm.
Doug: Huh. You know, she got that idea from me, but hey, a billion years ago.
Deacon: MMM!
Doug: You know, you just, you just can't eat it. You got to think about it, you know? You're supposed to give her a professional
opinion.
Deacon: Well, my professional opinion is, damn.
Doug: You know what? This ain't right.
Deacon: What?
Doug: This food is supposed to be mine. It's meant for me. You see this label? After the 'D,' it should say 'oug,' not 'eacon.'
Deacon: You're crazy, man.
Doug: No, no, no. No, you know what? I'm not gone from Becky's table for two minutes, and you're already sitting down sticking your
fork in my food!
Deacon: You getting busy with this chick or something?
Doug: No. Oh my God. Carrie's right. I'm having a food affair.
Deacon: Excuse me.

Carrie is cooking dinner and Doug comes home from work.

Doug: Hey honey, I, I got to talk to you.
Carrie: Hey. Stir this.
Doug: what? What's going on?
Carrie: Oh. My dad invited Spence and Becky over to watch "The Wizard of Oz," and I am making dinner. I am cooking all the things
you love in the world. Oh crap! The biscuits.
Doug: You don't have to do all this.
Carrie: Yes Doug. You are not getting what you need from me. I need to nurture you.
Doug: No. No. I was totally wrong! OK? I got crazy over Becky's food. It was stupid. It's over now.
Carrie: No, no, no. Doug, listen to me. You are a big guy. You love food, and I took you for granted. I just assumed whatever slop I
put in front of you, you'd be fine with.
Doug: I was fine with it! Look at me! I could eat the table and be happy!
Carrie: The point is, I didn't put anything into it. You know? I didn't put any love into it, like Becky does.
Doug: Carrie, look. You got to believe me, OK? It doesn't matter what Becky makes her food with. Love, little chunks of ham. I don't
need it.
Carrie: Really?
Doug: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I love you, and whatever you, you make for me, that's all I need.
Carrie: Thank you, hon.

There is a knock at the back door.

Carrie: Oh, that's them. Come on.
Doug: OK. All right.
Spence: We're here.
Becky: Hi! Thanks for having us.
Carrie: Oh, no problem!
Becky: I threw together a little salad.
Carrie: Thank you.
Doug: Excuse me.
Carrie: That was so sweet.
Becky: I'm glad to help if you need me.
Carrie: Oh, I'm sure you are. But the salad is quite enough. Especially after I specifically told you not to bring anything.
Becky: Well, I thought I should bring something.
Carrie: Yeah, I'm sure you did, but um, I did tell you not to bring anything. I guess next time, I'll just have to put it in writing. Huh?!
HA!
Doug: Honey, I'm just going to bring the crackers into the other room.
Carrie: OK, sweetie. All right, you listen to me, cookie. I'm on to your game, OK, and it ain't going to work.

Everyone is sitting down to eat.

Carrie: OK, we've got fried chicken, biscuits and gravy, salad. Dig in.
Doug: Everything looks great, honey.
Carrie: Thank you.
Spence: Here, here. Bravo, Carrie.
Carrie: Becky? Breast or thigh?
Becky: Um, whatever you say.
Arthur: Wow, Carrie! You've outdone yourself with the salad. The pine nuts. The cheese. Douglas, why aren't you having salad?
Doug: Uh, um, I'm not really in the mood for salad.
Arthur: Have some. It's delicious.
Doug: No thank you.
Arthur: Your wife has made you salad with love! Eat it, you ungrateful bastard!!
Carrie: Actually, Dad. Becky made the salad.
Arthur: Oh, I see. Well then, have a biscuit. Some of them came out pretty well.

Carrie and Doug are cleaning up after dinner.

Carrie: Hey hon. I'll get that.
Doug: No way. You made a delicious, nurturing meal. I'm cleaning it up, OK?
Carrie: Yeah?
Doug: Absolutely. I'm full here, but more importantly, I'm full here.

Doug goes into the kitchen to clean up, and eyes the bowl of salad. Meanwhile in the living room, Carrie, Arthur, and Spence and
Becky are watching the movie.

Spence: I can't believe he's never seen "The Wizard of Oz."
Carrie: So how are you liking it so far, Dad?
Arthur: Is anyone else but me terrified?
Carrie: Who wants some more coffee?
Spence: Uh, sure!
Carrie: OK. I'll go make another pot.

Carrie goes into the kitchen and catches Doug finishing off the salad.