Doug is stuck in the entrance to the attic in his and Carrie's closet. Their friends, Deb and Ray, are also in Doug and Carrie's bedroom. Carrie is upset with Doug, and Deb is upset with Ray.

Carrie: Beautiful! Just beautiful, Doug! I hope you're happy with yourself!
Doug: Yeah, I'm living my dream! Will you just get me out of here?! I'm stuck and it hurts!
Deb: So I'm a tight ass, huh, Ray?
Ray: I, I didn't say that. Uh, OK, I said that! But why did you tell her, huh?! You broke the code!
Doug: I was drowning! I was just trying to reach for something!
Deb: Don't blame it on him. You're the one who said it.
Carrie: What the hell were you thinking, trying to get up there??!
Doug: It was Ray's idea!
Ray: Stop it with Ray!
Deb: I cannot believe that you got your friend stuck up in the attic, you insult me behind my back.
Ray: I didn't mean it as an insult!
Deb: Oh, tight ass is not an insult? How does that work, Ray? Hey, swing by the house, meet Tight Ass and the kids.
Ray: Look, it wasn't like that! It's just, we got back from golf, and we were talking!

The show flashes back to earlier that day, when Doug and Ray are at Doug and Carrie's, after playing golf.

Doug: Yeah, yeah, Mr. Wedge! Oh yeah! Oh!
Ray: Stop it, please. Stop kissing! You're making me nauseous. All right, how much do I owe you?
Doug: Uh, eighteen bananas.
Ray: How do you get eighteen?
Doug: Played a dollar a hole, you lost every hole.
Ray: Hey, how about double or nothing, Jets-Denver game Sunday?
Doug: Are you kidding me? The Jets, at six points.
Ray: All right, you're on.
Doug: You're on!
Ray: All right, we're both on, then.
Doug: Hey, you know what? Why don't you come over here and watch the game on the big screen?
Ray: All right, yeah! But you got to promise me, no humping the TV if you win.
Doug: I can't give you that. I hump, win or lose.
Ray: Ah, wait a minute. I forgot. The game's not Sunday, it's a Saturday night game this week.
Doug: Aw man, you're right!
Ray: Uh.
Doug: I can't, I can't do it now! Saturday's date night with the wife.
Ray: Yeah, we used to have date night. Then we had kids. Now, date night is when she changes in front of me.
Doug: Yeah, I tell you. Carrie's a maniac. I can't mess with it. She'd be like, what, what, you want to watch the freaking Jets on our date night? Eh! I don't think so!
Ray: Hey, Deborah can be a little bit of a tight ass too, you know?
Doug: Oh, man. It's just, how insane is that? Grown men can't watch the game. Not allowed. Not allowed!
Ray: Hey, you know what we'll do? Why don't we get together with the wives, and then, you and I can watch the game.
Doug: Then we'll get hookers too. That'll be good.
Ray: No, I'm serious. We get together, we have dinner, and they start talking. Girlie stuff, and then we're in! They don't care what we're doing in the other room.
Doug: I guess if could work. What if they have nothing to say to each other?
Ray: Then we jump start them.
Doug: What?
Ray: Yeah, we jump start the conversation. You know, like, honey, didn't you just get your nails done at a place around here? And Carrie goes, what place? Boom! Yakkity yak. The game!

Doug is cooking with Carrie.

Doug: Oh, some more cayenne pepper to turn it up a notch, and boom! Let's turn it up another notch, and bam! Shemme sham! Hey honey, you want to watch me turn it up a notch? Huh? Come here, boom!
Carrie: OK, simmer down, Heffernan.
Doug: Uh, that's Cheffernan.
Carrie: You know what? That just gets funnier with each barbecue.
Doug: Hey, you want to hand me the uh, Worcestershire sauce?
Carrie: What did you say?
Doug: The uh, worcer, chester, sauce.
Carrie: That's not the way you say it!
Doug: Well, how do you say it?
Carrie: Well, I try not to. But if I have to, I say it very quickly. Pass me the Worcestershire sauce. You see? But when you say it slowly, it highlights your stupidity.
Doug: OK, how about we both learn to say it the right way?
Carrie: OK. All right.
Doug & Carrie: Worcer, worchest, worcershire...
Carrie: OK, that was fun.
Doug: It's going to be fun tonight, though, huh?
Carrie: Yes! It's going to be fun hanging out with a new couple. Is the wife nice?
Doug: What? Deborah? Oh yeah, very sweet. You're going to love her.
Carrie: She's not all Long Islandy, is she?
Doug: Oh no, not at all. What does that mean, anyway?
Carrie: You know! Like, that woman from Greatneck. I like, barely tapped her Jaguar in the Wallbounce parking lot, you remember her?
Doug: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Carrie: Yeah, she was like, you know, darling, you're not the only car in the parking lot, maybe you should look where you're going. Yeah, OK, why don't you look where my boot is going. What a freaking piece of work she was, right?
Doug: Listen, Deb's never met you, so tonight you might just want to tone it down a notch, huh? BOOM!
Carrie: What?
Doug: Uh, you know what I'm talking about. I don't want them to think I married a bouncer, you know what I'm saying? All right, I think I finally nailed the sauce. Can you uh, hand me the platter? Give me the platter? Come on, no platter, no platter, no platter!
Carrie: Tone it down?!
Doug: Oh Lord.
Carrie: So what are you saying? I embarrass you?
Doug: Embarrass me? No, no. I'm not, no, no, no. Have I paid you for baby yet?
Carrie: You don't like the way I act in front of other people, is that it?
Doug: No, no. You're fine! I'm just, what I meant was that people who don't know you, who don't know how great you are, sometimes have trouble seeing past your hard candy shell, to the delicious nut inside. You're a delicious nut, you are.
Carrie: Who?
Doug: You. You really are. You're a nut.
Carrie: Who can't see past my hard shell?
Doug: Nobody.
Carrie: Well, you just said it. Who?!
Doug: I don't know, I guess, at our wedding, some of my relatives said-
Carrie: Your relatives don't like me??!
Doug: Distant relatives! I barely even know them. Bonnie something or other, I don't know. Problem was, they never saw your inner nut.
Carrie: OK, would you shut up about the nut now? Do you know what you're telling me?! You don't like my personality!
Doug: Look, no, you're being crazy.
Carrie: I mean, if you're so ashamed of me, why the hell did you even marry me?!
Doug: You're hot.
Carrie: Ugh.
Doug: Carrie, it's a joke, I'm kidding! I love you!
Carrie: You know what? Just go away from me.
Doug: Come on, it's not you I'm worried about, all right? It's Deborah. Ray said she's tough to get along with. He called her a tight ass, that's a quote!
Carrie: OK, would you stop following me??!
Doug: Carrie, she's a tight ass!! Oh, come on, they're here, all right? Listen. I love you. Now please, can we just have a nice night? OK, that's the door. I'm going to go get it right now, OK? So we're good here? OK? We're OK, then? This, this is good. She's going to be, she's going to be fine!

Doug and Carrie are eating dinner with Ray and Deb. There is complete silence at the table for a few minutes.

Doug: You know, I made the marinade myself.
Deb: Did you?
Ray: He did, yeah. I told you he does that.
Doug: Yeah, yeah. Don't ask me what's in it, though, cause it's a Heffernan secret. Yeah. Carrie doesn't even know, right, hon?
Ray: Well, what ever is in it, it sure is yummy.
Deb: It's very yummy, yes.
Carrie: Uh, Deborah, could you please pass me a napkin?
Deb: Sure.
Carrie: How did I say that? Was that the right tone?
Doug: That was, that was fine.
Carrie: Because I could tone it down.
Doug: No, it was fine.
Carrie: OK.
Ray: You know what's funny about corn? People like to eat their corn north to south. Tonight, I want east to west. I like to go east to west. Like a little typewriter. Yum, yum, yum... click...
Carrie: You know what? I'm going to start the coffee. Oh, may I be excused?
Doug: Yes.
Carrie: Thanks.
Doug: You know, you don't have to ask.
Deb: I think I'm going to get in there and help her. OK? Oh, Ray! Tell Doug what's funny about lettuce.
Ray: What's going on?
Doug: Oh man. We had a fight. She wants me dead.
Ray: Man. Sorry. That's rough. Can I flip on the game?
Doug: Not yet.

Deb and Carrie are in the kitchen.

Deb: So, you OK?
Carrie: Yeah. I'm fine.
Deb: Yeah. You seemed a little upset when you jabbed him with the butter knife.
Carrie: It's just that Doug said something really stupid before you guys got here. Just hurt my feelings a little bit, yeah.
Deb: Oh, sorry.
Carrie: Thanks.
Deb: Yeah. I've always thought they should make a device to put on husbands that gives them a little shock when they say something stupid.
Carrie: Yes. Like a dog collar.
Deb: Exactly.
Carrie: And then it would be like, hey honey, did you gain a little weight? ZZZT.
Deb: Yes.
Carrie: See?
Deb: I mean, not enough juice to kill them, but enough to make them bite down really hard on their tongue?
Carrie: And then, you know, you would have like a little remote control that you can keep on your key chain?
Deb: Yeah, it's a silver key chain.
Carrie: With initials.
Deb: Exactly.

Meanwhile, Doug and Ray are in the living room.

Doug: Hey, hey, hey, they're laughing.
Ray: That's good. Laughter good. Come on. Let's turn the game on now.
Doug: Mmm. Not yet. It's too soon.
Ray: Come on. It's a big game, and it's happening right now in there. Let it out.
Doug: I want to. It's just, I wish I knew she wasn't so mad at me.
Ray: Go in. Check it out.
Doug: No. I don't think so. I think it's too soon.
Ray: Are you kidding? It's like Deaf Comedy Jam in there.
Doug: You know what? I'll test her out. I'll grab a beer, and I'll, I'll give her a kiss on the cheek.
Ray: OK.
Doug: OK, a little premature. No!
Ray: Aw, come on. The first quarter's practically over, turn it on, please!
Doug: Look, I can't. Come on. I'm supposed to be sad and sorry about what I did, all that stuff.
Ray: Well, give me something. How about, hey, let's go picture, no sound. You can give me picture, no sound.
Doug: All right!
Ray: Yah-hah!
Doug: Hey!
Ray: Sorry, sorry. Hey, oh, what's with the picture, man?
Doug: Oh man. This happened once before.

In the kitchen, Deb and Carrie are still talking.

Deb: So what did he say, anyway?
Carrie: He told me to tone myself down.
Deb: HUH! Oh, maybe the collar should kill him.
Carrie: I know. And then he just kept going and digging himself deeper, saying oh, he didn't mean it, trying to blame it on Ray, oh honey, it's not you, it's Deborah, uh, Ray says she's a real tight ass. And then it's just your hard shell, you know? Inside is a delicious nut, you know? It was just so, are you OK?

Doug and Ray have gone up to Doug and Carrie's bedroom to see if they can fix the picture on the TV.

Ray: What's up there?
Doug: The main cable connection comes in through the attic. I just got to get up there and jiggle the wires and the picture will be fine.
Ray: All right, well, jiggle it, cause it's almost halftime.
Doug: All right, I just got to shimmy up through the trapdoor.
Ray: Well, you got a ladder or something?
Doug: No, it's fine. Just give me a boost.
Ray: So no ladder?
Doug: Do you want to watch the game?
Ray: Well, you...
Doug: Come on, give me ten fingers!
Ray: All right, all right.
Doug: Come on. Come on, I'm almost there.
Ray: Well, hurry.
Doug: I can't. Come on, just give me a couple more inches, I can't reach it.
Ray: OH! Oh God!
Doug: Ray! Ray! Oh my God, I'm stuck!
Ray: AAAAAH!!
Doug: Ray?

Deb and Carrie come upstairs, and it is back to present time events.

Deb: Tight ass?!!
Ray: Uh-oh.
Carrie: Doug?
Deb: How's your back?
Ray: It still hurts.
Deb: Good.
Doug: Is there anyone down there who can scratch my inner thigh?
Carrie: Doug. Richie's here.
Richie: Hey, Moose. It's me, Richie.
Doug: Really? Is that what she meant when she said Richie's here? Just get me down!!
Richie: Whoa. Somebody's cranky. Hey, Santa Claus! You missed!
Carrie: Uh, Checkie! You want to get him down now, please?
Richie: All right, let me check this out.
Ray: Oh, ow.
Chenz: You guys all right?
Deb: Well, he's got a pinched nerve, and apparently, I have a tight ass.
Ray: Don't say that to the fireman.
Doug: What the hell's going on down there?
Richie: All right, Moose, relax. We got you covered. Hey, Chenz, go get me a big stick. If we whack him, maybe candy will come out. One, two, three, push!
Doug: Easy! Easy! You're taking skin!!
Richie: Keep pushing!
Doug: Stop pushing! Is it bad that I'm dizzy?
Richie: No, no, it's normal. It's not normal, better get him out of there.
Doug: I can hear you!
Carrie: Well, could you hurry up and get him down?
Deb: Uh, Carrie, can I use your phone cause I need to check on the kids.
Carrie: Yeah. It's right over there, sweetie.
Deb: You know what? With all this, I'm going to go downstairs.
Ray: Hey wait. I'll go with you. Huh? We'll do it together. Just me and you. Oh, now that's uncalled for.
Richie: All right, we're going to have to cut.
Doug: What?!
Carrie: What do you have to cut?
Richie: His legs. About here ought to do it. Oh, nice try, Moose!
Carrie: OK, Doug. Could you stop it, please?! Do you want to be up there all night??! So what do you have to cut?
Richie: A couple ceiling beams ought to do it. Yo Eric, go radio in. Tell him we need the buzzer.
Eric: Got it.
Carrie: Yeah, wait, wait, wait. What's the buzzer?
Doug: Yeah, what's the buzzer?
Richie: Don't worry Moose. It's a saw. We won't hurt you.
Carrie: OK, I'm not worried about him, I'm worried about my closet. Is there any other way?
Richie: Well, you could just leave him up there and not feed him for a couple of days.
Carrie: OK. He's not that funny!

Meanwhile, in the attic, Doug is talking to himself in different voices.

Doug: Oh, you don't like my house, Nick? My house stinks? Yeah, that's right it stinks. My whole life stinks. You need proper management, you can't get any proper management. Crap thunder! Yeah, I got crap thunder, but I ain't got no luck to do it.

Carrie comes in through the window.

Doug: Hey.
Carrie: Hi.
Doug: What are you doing up here?
Carrie: It's going to be at least another hour. Thought you might be getting hungry. And I also thought you had a right to know that Richie's getting ready to paint your toenails.
Doug: He is?
Richie: OW!
Carrie: OK, well, if I ever need asbestos, I know where to go. Here.
Doug: Oh, thanks. What, no juice box?
Carrie: Excuse me, I had to climb up the freaking trellis to bring you this. I needed one free hand.
Doug: You never heard of a backpack? What, I'm kidding! I'm kidding! It's a joke! What, are you still mad at me?
Carrie: Yes!
Doug: What? What, let's talk it out. What?
Carrie: Doug?
Doug: Yeah?
Carrie: How do you feel in general about mice, or maybe, a rat?
Doug: Not a fan, why? Behind me?
Carrie: Doug?
Doug: Is there a rat behind me?
Carrie: OK, would you just relax?!
Doug: I can't relax, all right?! Right now, I'm about eighteen inches tall, and I smell like barbecue!!
Carrie: Doug!! Don't panic!! He's not even paying attention to-
Doug: Is he coming towards me?
Carrie: Well, he's closer than he was.
Doug: Oh, for the sweet love of God, kill it!! Use your shoe!!
Carrie: I can't kill it!! Ooh.

Carrie tosses the sandwich at the rat.

Carrie: There. It worked. He's eating it.
Doug: Good. Good. You think he's going to finish it?

Ray and Deb come back upstairs.

Ray: Hey, Doug.
Doug: Yeah.
Ray: Listen, we got to go. Babysitter's waiting.
Doug: Oh, all right. Hey, thanks for coming.
Carrie: Yeah, thanks you guys.
Deb: Yeah, hey, thanks for having us. It was so nice meeting you, Carrie.
Carrie: Oh, it was nice meeting you. Hey, let's have lunch.
Deb: Oh, absolutely, I'll call you. Bye Doug.
Doug: Bye Deb. See you Ray. Thanks again for coming.
Ray: All right, man. Hey, thank you. Thank you, it was fun. It was really fun. Yeah, what are you, an eleven, cause I'm an eleven.
Deb: All right, Ray.

Carrie is in the attic with Doug.

Doug: Wao, wao, wao, wao, bah, bah, wao.
Carrie: I don't know. Sanford and Son?
Doug: No. What's Happening.
Carrie: Oh. How does Sanford and Son go?
Doug: Duh! Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Wah, wah, wah, ben, neh, deh.
Carrie: All right. All right!! Can we stop playing this now?
Doug: All right. Fine, but you're forfeiting. You owe me ten bucks.
Carrie: It's so worth it.
Doug: Richie, that's not even funny! Get that out of there!
Richie: Sorry, Moose! Couldn't resist. Good news. The saw is here. We'll have you out in two minutes!
Doug: All right, but careful!
Carrie: I better get down there and make sure he doesn't cut off anything I need.
Doug: Yeah, good idea. Oh, and Carrie? I'm really, really sorry about what I said. OK?
Carrie: OK.
Doug: I'm not embarrassed by you. Not at all.
Carrie: That's very nice coming from a man who's wearing his house as a belt.
Doug: I love you.
Carrie: I love you too.
Doug: Come on, pour some sugar on me, huh?

Carrie is helping Doug with his burn.

Doug: Easy! It's raw, it's raw! Pain! Pain!
Carrie: I'm sorry.
Doug: First of all, you shouldn't be using the ointment. Get the spray.
Carrie: You kind of look like Saturn. That's the one with the ring around it, right?
Doug: Yeah, all right would you get the spray, please?

Carrie sprays some medicine on Doug's burn.