Doug and Carrie are taking a shower. Doug is singing.

Carrie: All right. All right. Enough.
Doug: What? That's my Valentine's Day thing.
Carrie: Yes, it's adorable. Now could you step aside here and let a little bit of hot water hit me, please?
Doug: All right. Hold on. How's this. Here, how does that feel?
Carrie: Like I'm being spit on. Now come on! You have to move to this spot here.
Doug: OK. Well, just let up over here.
Carrie: I can't, sweetie. There's no room.
Doug: There you go. Whoa.
Carrie: OK.
Doug: OK. How's that?
Carrie: Yeah, better.
Doug: All right. Good. Cause I'm not done serenading you yet. Now, I'm going to kick things up a notch if you'll indulge me with a little day I think you might remember. Everybody dance now!
Carrie: Honey, I hate that song. Really. I do.
Doug: You hate it? What are you talking about? It's our song.
Carrie: Our song? What do you mean it's our song?
Doug: That was the song that was playing the first time I met you.
Carrie: It was?
Doug: Yeah, you don't remember?

The scene flashes back to the Wall Street Club a couple years earlier, where Doug is bouncing. Everybody Dance Now is playing on the speakers.

Doug: People, let's keep to the right. Keep to the right. What's up guy? Welcome to Wall Street. Can I see some ID? All right, so Connecticut ID, huh? What are you doing down here?
Patron: I go to school here.
Doug: Oh I see. OK. So you're from Connecticut, and you go to school down here.
Patron: Yeah.
Doug: You know what? Not buying it. OK? Hey people, the line! What's up ladies? Welcome to Wall Street. Can I see some ID?
Nicky: Actually, mine was stolen, but I swear I'm 22.
Doug: Enjoy the club. People, the line! Hey, guy in the mesh shirt. Bye bye! Yeah, take it easy. Don't even waste my time!

Richie, Doug's roommate, comes out of the club.

Richie: Moose! Moose. Could you get out here?
Doug: What are you talking about? I just started working.
Richie: Yeah, I know, I know, I know. But I just met this girl at the bar and I think I can get her back to our place. The only thing is, she won't go without her friend.
Doug: No! I'm not getting stuck with the "friend" again. OK? The friend is never as good as the actual girl.
Richie: That's not true this time. This one is really cute.
Doug: That's exactly what you said last time. Remember her?
Richie: Who?
Doug: Who. This one. Oh, Doug. I don't know, this just feels right.
Richie: Didn't stop you from sleeping with her.
Doug: Uh-huh. All right. Give me a couple of minutes, all right?
Richie: Yes! I'll go get the ladies.

Richie goes back into the club.

Doug: Hey Gerard. I need you to cover the front door. My uncle just got killed. Thank you. Yeah, he's in a better place now. OK.

Richie comes out with the girls.

Doug: What's up ladies?
Richie: Doug, this is Carrie.
Carrie: How are you doing?
Doug: Good.
Richie: And this is Lynn.
Lynn: Hey. I love your head set.
Doug: Oh yeah. This? Keeps me in touch with my staff. I don't rest unless I know they're all OK.
Lynn: Oh. That's cool.
Doug: No. That's survival.
Carrie: Hey. It's called excuse me! Why don't you try it next time?
Richie: Yeah. This one's a tiger.
Carrie: All right. I don't know if I'm loving the arm thing.
Richie: Yeah, sure. All right, so what you ladies, you got the address. We'll see you back at our house.
Carrie: OK. Bye.
Richie: What do you think?
Doug: Mine is great. Yours seems kind of bitchy.

Doug and Richie have gone back to their apartment.

Doug: Come on. Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up. We got to hurry up and decrap this place before they get here.
Richie: We got like two minutes. There's no way we're going to get it all.
Doug: Oh my God. You're right. All right, look. Don't panic. We just got to concentrate on the, on the big stuff, all right? What's the most disgusting thing about this place?
Richie: I got to go with the smell.
Doug: OK. Find it. I'll be in the kitchen.
Richie: Good. Good. Good. Hey, Moose. What happens if we both get lucky tonight? Who's going to get the bedroom?
Doug: That's a classy problem, my friend.
Richie: Whoa! I think I found the smell.
Doug: Oh good, man. Let it go. Mmm. That is bad. But that's not it. It's more in the meat family.
Richie: I'll keep looking.
Doug: All right.
Richie: Hey! I got a good idea! Why don't we get a book for the coffee table? This way it looks like we read.
Doug: Oh, good, good idea! Good idea!
Richie: You got one?
Doug: Yeah, you know what? I got my old, uh, SAT study book. OK? I'll break it open, I'll highlight some crap.
Richie: Oh, you know what? I forgot. I got to go get something. I'll be right back.
Doug: Whose dog is that?
Richie: It's that guy down the hall.
Doug: What the hell are you doing with it?
Richie: When I was hitting on Carrie, I told her that I rescued a stray from the pound.
Doug: Pound rescue. That's good. Can I get in on that with you? You know, like we both saw him and fell in love?
Richie: Actually, I already told her you fought me on it.
Doug: Oh great. I hate abandoned dogs. Thanks. Thanks. Way to start me off.

The door buzzes.

Doug: Oh, God. They're here. All right. Yeah. Come on up. What the hell are you doing?
Richie: What are you talking about?
Doug: That's my spot. Get out of it.
Richie: I ain't moving. Get out of here.

Doug jumps at Richie, and Richie moves over to the armchair.

Doug: Sorry, man. I need my spot. I look good here.
Richie: Fine.

The guys sit, waiting for the girls to come. They keep staring at the door, but no one knocks or comes in.

Doug: You gave them the apartment number right?

Carrie and Lynn are hanging out with Doug and Richie.

Doug: OK. Let's try one from the analogy section. Pride is to lion as what is to goose?
Lynn: Flock!
Doug: No. No. I'm sorry. The correct answer is gaggle. That answer again, gaggle.
Richie: Start drinking, honey.
Carrie: Uh, uh, uh. Quick question. Is this the whole evening here because I got to admit. I didn't study.
Richie: It's a drinking game. It's fun.
Carrie: It's the SATs. Don't you have any real games?
Doug: Uh, I gave all our real games to the kids I tutor at the orphanage.
Lynn: Oh, you tutor orphans? That is so sweet!
Doug: Yeah, I guess. You know. It just doesn't feel like enough though, you know? I mean, these kids have been given nothing in society. It's bad.
Lynn: God, you are such a sensitive guy! It's hard to believe that you bounce. Do you get into a lot of fights at the club?
Doug: You know, what it is? It's like I try everything I can not to fight. It's like I tell my boys. Always be nice. Be very nice. Until it's time to not be nice. Then. Be very not nice.
Lynn: Huh! I love that.
Doug: Yeah, I can't take full credit though. Patrick Swayze said it in Roadhouse.
Lynn: Oh, I never saw that movie.
Doug: You never saw it?
Lynn: No.
Doug: It's only the greatest movie ever made, except for Risky Business.
Richie: So, Carrie?
Carrie: Yeah?
Richie: Like baseball?
Carrie: Well, I've been to a few Met games.
Richie: Yeah? The Mets. The amazing Mets. You know why they call them that? Cause they're amazing.
Carrie: Well, that clears up that mystery.
Richie: You know what else would be amazing?
Carrie: Hm?
Richie: Your beautiful body in my bed.
Carrie: Yeah. You're right. That would be amazing. What's up with your dog?
Richie: Oh that? Yeah. He's OK. He's fine. Hey buddy! Come here, buddy! Come to Daddy! Come on! Oh, I forgot. He's deaf.
Doug: OK. How about some beers?
Richie: Yeah. Let's keep this party rolling, huh? Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!!
Doug: All right, ladies. Get ready cause we're coming up on the vocabulary section.
Carrie: Hurry.
Lynn: Huh. Carrie, Richie is so cute. You did good.
Carrie: I did good? The guy's a moron.
Lynn: Then why did you want to come back here?
Carrie: I don't know. I liked his cologne. Plus, he seemed a lot smarter when he was completely drowned out by music. I'm telling you, he should walk around with a boom box strapped to his head. I'm serious. You like your guy?
Lynn: Oh, Dan? Yeah he's you know, kind of sweet.
Carrie: I don't think his name is Dan.

Doug and Richie are talking in the kitchen.

Doug: I am so in!
Richie: You are. You are doing good, Moose. But I don't know about Carrie, though.
Doug: Yeah, she's uh, quite a cupcake. That one, huh?
Richie: I don't get it. We were totally hitting it off at the club. I look good, right? You says I look good.
Doug: You look great, man! She's so into you! It's a go for Richie.
Richie: I don't know.
Doug: Maybe you just got to kick things up a notch.
Richie: It's time to bust out the heavy artillery.

Doug and Richie have turned on their black light in the living room.

Doug: Huh? This is pretty cool, huh?
Lynn: Yeah, it's kind of trippy.
Doug: Hey, check out my choppers.
Richie: So, Carrie.
Carrie: Yeah?
Richie: Feeling what I'm feeling?
Carrie: I don't know. Are you feeling nauseous?
Richie: A little bit.
Carrie: What kind of beer is this? It tastes kind of weird.
Richie: Oh, it's Canadian. It's uh, Stout Lager. Ale.
Carrie: There's definitely something wrong with it.
Doug: Actually, mine tastes a little weird too.
Lynn: It's not weird. It tastes like gin.
Carrie: You put gin in our beers?
Richie: I was out of vodka.
Carrie: It's not funny, you idiot!
Richie: Hey, I was trying to loosen things up a bit. You've been bitching and moaning since you got here. You're like my mother.
Carrie: Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like me, Fonzie? That's OK. All right, Lynn. Come on. Get your mini backpack, we're out.
Lynn: Oh, Carrie, come on!
Doug: What the hell are you doing? Why are you spiking the beers?
Richie: Well, I was trying to get them in bed.
Doug: OK. That explains theirs, what about mine? Ladies, ladies, whoa, whoa, hang on, man! There's no reason to go!
Lynn: Yeah, Carrie! I agree with Dan. I mean, you are making a huge deal out of nothing.
Doug: Who?
Carrie: Oh, am I? When should I make a big deal about it, huh? When we're stuffed in oil drums and buried under the building?
Doug: Did she call me Dan?
Richie: Hey, you know what? Just go. And I'll tell you something else. It's your loss because I was going to show you my fireman's uniform.
Carrie: Oh, really? Because I was going to sleep with you just so I could hear your little amazing Mets story again. What was it? Oh yeah. They're amazing. That's great. Let's go. Let's go.
Lynn: Um, I'd love to see your fireman's uniform, Richie.
Doug: Huh?
Carrie: Lynn!
Lynn: Well, I'm sorry. I would.
Richie: All right. Come on.
Doug: That uniform's nothing! I got a Little League uniform that blows it away!
Carrie: Lynn! Come on! You're my ride home!
Lynn: He's so cute.
Carrie: Lynn!
Doug: Lynn?
Carrie: Lynn!
Doug: Lynn?

Doug and Carrie are in the living room talking.

Doug: What are they doing?
Carrie: What do you think they're doing?
Doug: I don't know. Maybe he really is just showing her his uniform.
Carrie: I heard moaning.
Doug: Maybe she's injured.
Carrie: Yeah. That's it. That's it.
Doug: I don't believe this. She was my date!
Carrie: Yeah? Well, I got news for you. Your date's not going so well.
Doug: All I know is if you would have gone in there and checked out his stupid uniform, I'd be with Lynn right now and everything would be fine!
Carrie: Hey, hey. Don't blame this on me. If you can't get Lynn to sleep with you, that's your fault. Cause I'll tell you, she sleeps with everybody.
Doug: That's great. Yeah, good. Keep it coming.
Carrie: What the hell is that smell?
Doug: We don't know!! Will you take a break from your bad personality?!
Carrie: Excuse me, Billy Ray Doofus. But I happen to have a very nice personality when I am not sitting in a stinky apartment being drugged with a disgusting beer gin cocktail! I think I'm going to be sick.
Doug: Well, if you're going to puke, don't puke here, OK? You got to puke in the bathroom.
Carrie: All right, could you stop saying the word puke? Because it makes me want to puke.
Doug: OK. I didn't know it was going to make you sick. I won't say it anymore. You want to see my collection of puke-a-shells?

Carrie is sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. Doug has changed his shirt.

Doug: OK. I work in a bar. I've seen hundreds of people puke. They've all managed to miss me. Congratulations. But on the plus side, this place has a new smell now.
Carrie: Hey, listen um. Thanks for holding my hair back when I was throwing up.
Doug: Yeah, forget about it. I was basically steering you away from my Sports Illustrated. Look at that, a little smile there, huh? See you look nice when you smile. You should try to work that into the rotation a little more often.
Carrie: Ha ha. So, uh, bouncing. That's your thing? You like that?
Doug: Yeah, you know. It's good for now. I like working with my hands. It's really just a stepping stone, though.
Carrie: To what?
Doug: I want to open my own sandwich shop.
Carrie: Uh-huh.
Doug: You know. A little neighborhood place where people can come by if they want a sandwich.
Carrie: A sandwich shop.
Doug: Yeah, yeah. Like a cool little place, you know? With great sandwiches. And each sandwich will be named after one of my buddies.
Carrie: Oh. Sounds great. But what if you have a falling out with one of your buddies, and he represents a classic sandwich?
Doug: I didn't work out all the details yet. So how about you? What do you do?
Carrie: Well, I am currently interviewing for a very high-powered executive assistant position in Manhattan. But uh, for right now, I'm working at Food Town.
Doug: Oh, the one on Hillside Avenue?
Carrie: No, the one on Northern Boulevard.
Doug: Oh. Cause I go to the other one. But I'm sure they're all good.
Carrie: Yeah. I mean, it's a chain. Pretty standard.
Doug: Wait a second. Where's the dog? Why is the door open? You left the door open?!
Carrie: I did not!
Doug: You did so! Before, when you were about to leave!
Carrie: No, I'm sure I closed it!
Doug: No, you didn't! Do you see this area? It should be covered, by this!!
Carrie: Well, I am sorry! I was a little disoriented with your little light show, OK?
Doug: Richie!! Guy!
Richie: Not a great time, Moose!
Doug: Yeah. Carrie left the door open and the dog got away.
Richie: So?
Doug: So I think someone should look for him! And if you remember, I was against getting him. So I think it should be you.
Richie: Moose, I'm begging you! Stop talking!
Doug: All right, fine. But I'm not going to look for the dog, so you can forget it.
Lynn: Dan?
Doug: Yeah?
Lynn: Could you get me a Fresca?
Doug: No!
Carrie: Wait a minute. Aren't one of you guys going to go look for your dog?
Doug: It's not even our dog, all right? Richie borrowed him from a neighbor to impress you with his sensitivity so you'd sleep with him.
Richie: You know, there's...
Doug: SHUT UP!!

Doug and Carrie are driving around looking for the dog.

Doug: Where the hell is that dog?
Carrie: Do you think that maybe we could put the top up?
Doug: Excuse me. It's a sports car. OK? You want to get the whole experience. Otherwise, you might as well just drive a station wagon.
Carrie: I'm freezing. Could you please put the top up?
Doug: It's broken.
Carrie: Then could you at least put the heat on?
Doug: It's broken.
Carrie: This is great. I have to sit in this piece of crap while the wind rakes through my hair. It's perfect.
Doug: What are you worried about? You got enough hair spray in there to stop a bullet.
Carrie: Excuse me. This happens to be a style from a magazine.
Doug: Oh yeah? What magazine is that? The "Too Much Hair Spray Gazette?"
Carrie: OK. You know what? Let's just look for the dog, OK?
Doug: I would love to look for the dog.
Carrie: Well, good. Why don't you start calling his name, then?
Doug: Cause I don't know his name.
Carrie: Well, say something!
Doug: Lassie! Spot! Toto!
Carrie: Wait, wait, wait, wait. I think that's him.
Doug: Where?
Carrie: Right in front of that house.
Doug: Wow. He's really giving himself a once-over, huh?

The dog is in the car, and Carrie is sitting in the backseat while the dog sits in the passenger seat.

Carrie: This is nice. Real nice.
Doug: Yeah, well. I'm glad you're happy. Could you please not sit on my softball stuff?
Carrie: You know what? I was going to stay home tonight. I really was.
Doug: Yeah? Well, thanks for slapping on a couple coats of paint and coming out.
Carrie: You know what? Stop the car.
Doug: I'm just kidding around, all right?
Carrie: I said stop the car!!
Doug: AHH! Pinch the guy driving! That's smart!
Carrie: I'm getting out.
Doug: Where are you going?
Carrie: I'm going home. There's a bus stop right over there.
Doug: You can't go to that bus stop, all right? This is not a great neighborhood.
Carrie: I will take my chances!!
Doug: But, I'm serious, OK? I Will leave you.
Carrie: Good. Go.
Doug: I'm serious. I'm not coming back.
Carrie: Good. Don't.
Doug: Fine.

Doug starts to drive away, and then stops the car.

Doug: What am I doing? She's so annoying. She has high hair, she totally didn't get the sandwich shop thing. Just pull away, man. Just pull away.

Doug puts the car in reverse and picks Carrie up.
Doug is at work bouncing.