Free

At night I just can't sleep
This feeling hurts too deep
Just wondering if you're okay
Wondering how you're doing so far away

I hope that you're all right
And that you can sleep at night
I hope the bars don't chain your heart
And that those walls don't tear you apart

I wish I could be there with you
To protect you from all they do
I hope you still think of me
Because I think of you constantly

I guess there's only one thing I can do
Just promise that I'll always be here for you
I promise that I'll always try
And I promise to hold you when you cry

I know you think that I don't care
And that I'm not gonna be there
But that's really not true
Because I really do love you

In case you haven't figured it out
You're the only thing I think about
No one else can make me feel like this
Laying here dying for a kiss

But you're trapped so far away
And now I'm waiting for that day
Waiting for them to set you free
Waiting for you to come back to me

---------

I Remember

I remember all the pain you brought
And how you always wanted more
I remember every evil thought
And how you'd always run for the door

I remember every word you said
Why did you always lie?
I remember every tear I shed
But still I wonder why?

Because I remember holding you
And how cute you could be
And I remember loving you
And how I felt when you were with me

Don't you remember how perfect it was?
Did you forget how you needed me?
I just thought I'd ask because
I remember being happy

---------

My place

Sitting peacefully on my bed
Trying to gather my thoughts
Looking for some truth in my head
Something to tell those waiting to be taught

Cigarette smoke fills my chest
And I wield only a pen
I guess its time that I confessed
I don't think I'm a leader of men

After all really who am I?
What knowledge do I possess?
I can't answer every why
I'm just as lost as the rest

I don't have any more answers than you
But still I feel compelled to write
But really what can my words do
When I'm not even sure I'm right?

I'm just another confused waste
Trying to understand the truth
Deep down I know it's just not my place
To be the one teaching the youth

But still here I sit on my bed
Trying to gather all of my thoughts
Pen in hand waiting to be led
And I realize I'm the one needing to be taught

----------

Another Chance

Heavy head on my pillow
It still smells like you
But I just want you to know
That I'm glad we're through

I'd give anything
For another day
Without you
I'd do anything
For another chance to say
Fuck you

Lying quietly in my bed
I close my eyes and feel your touch
I can still hear everything you said
And I never liked it very much

You always tried to hurt me
But now it doesn't hurt anymore
You always wanted to use me
But I'm stronger than I was before

I'd give anything
For another day
Without you
I'd do anything
For another chance to say
Fuck you

Looking back at every memory
I only have one thing left to say
I hope your happy without me
Cuz I never loved you anyway

You always tried to hurt me
But now it doesn't hurt anymore
You always wanted to use me
But I'm stronger than I was before

I'd give anything
For another day
Without you
I'd do anything
For another chance to say
Fuck you

---------

Dying For Greed

People dying, Children crying,
Everyone lying, No one trying
To make amends, It never ends
No one defends, the blood of your friends,
You can't ignore, so kill some more
Go to war, but what for?
For money? For power? For fame? For glamour?
Rob our brothers, rape our mothers
Fuck ourselves and kill the others

Feed the need for selfish greed
Acquire the fire of self desire
Kill each other so you can survive
Kill yourself before you're even alive

So you wanna rule the land, every grain of sand
Hold it in your hand, You'll never understand
You want control, that's your goal
But you'll pay the toll and lose your soul
For this world you stole
So ride your stag, go ahead and brag
Plant your flag, put on your tag
Write your name, make your claim
Play your game, It's all the same
You want power from the start, it's tearing you apart
If you were smart, you'd save your heart

But you just feed the need for selfish greed
And acquire the fire of self desire
You kill each other so you can survive
You kill yourself before you're even alive

It makes me ill to see who you'd kill
For a dollar bill and you still
Buy shit you don't need for your greed
You'd do any deed, make any man bleed
So buy a ferari and tell the homeless you're sorry
Drive by the starving, Run over the dying
Do you ever think that we're on the brink
That in a blink, we could all sink?
Where would your mansion be? Listen to me
Why can't you see that life is free?

Still you feed your need for selfish greed
And Acquire your fire for self desire
Kill each other so you can survive
Kill yourself before you're even alive

So fuck your power and your money, Isn't it funny?
You spend all your time, commiting your crime
And you see that I'm without a dime
Yet you see my smile and see that I'll
Be happy for a while, while you're in denial
Sell all your shit and do a bit
Of good with it. Don't just sit
And watch the world die, and let it go without a sigh
Stand up and defy and find out why
We end ourselves and offend ourselves
And don't defend ourselves and won't befriend ourselves

And why we feed our need for selfish greed
And acquire the fire of self desire
We kill each other so we can survive
We kill ourselves before we're even alive

---------

In My Bed

Lying in my bed
Don't wanna lift my head
I wanna sleep instead
And think about what you said

And wonder why
I wanna cry
And slowly die
And never try

To change my fate
Cuz it's too late
And I can't wait
To end this hate

To close my eyes
And begin my demise
As my soul dies
I hear your lies

They echo in my brain
Driving me insane
Making me profane
Creating all this pain

Love is all so fake
Something we could never make
So my life I quietly take
And I pray I never wake

Dying in my bed
I'll never lift my head
I think I'll die instead
Thinking about what you said

----------

Stay

Stay here with me
And we'll be happy
You're the fire of my desire
You take me higher
You make me smile
So stay a while
Stay forever in my arms
I'll keep you from their worldly harms
Just you and me against them all
Side by side we'll never fall
With just one kiss
We'll have pure bliss
They can't hurt us when we're together
So my love, stay forever

----------

Apathy

I gently kiss your lips
They feel so cold and plain
I feel your fingertips
But you can't feel my pain

I stare at you all night
But you just stare blankly
I hold you so close and so tight
I just wish that you would hold me

I get mad and scream and cry
Still you just sit there
I can't seem to understand why
You don't even seem to care

I wish I could make you love me
But its your indifference that I hate
Love me or leave me please choose quickly
Because I don't think I can wait

I feel like this charade is getting older
And I only have myself to blame
Loving you is like loving a boulder
Kiss it or kick it, it reacts the same

----------

Dreamless Sleep

When I was little I used to dream
I believed in santa and people with wings
Sometimes I was on football team
Other times I was a purple elephant that sings

Then alot of bad things happened to me
And my world began to fall apart
My family life became misery
And boy after boy broke my heart

My dreams turned into nightmares
And I'd wake up in the night crying
Every night I'd say my prayers
And still I'd dream of dying

Then one day it all ended
I didn't dream anymore
I never again pretended
It seemed I had found a cure

Had I just given up on wishing
And lost the will to hope?
Were all of my dreams vanishing
Leaving me at the end of my rope?

To some this may seem like the reason
But really I don't dream anymore because of you
My reality with you is better than any illusion
Because you make all of my dreams come true

----------

Cheers to You

I wake up in the grass
Must have been drinking again
I crawl back to your house
But you won't let me in

Everything's spinning
I smell like beer
I'm sorry if I said some things
That you didn't want to hear

You say I look pathetic
That I really should grow up
But you're the reason that I drink
And drink until I throw up

So pour another shot
And I'll drink this one to you
The one that's out and doing the things
That you told me not to do

So cheers to your hypocrisy
After this I won't be able to think
To think of the way you broke my heart
And drove me to drink

---------

Too Much

Another night
The stars don't shine
Clouds cover the moon
Don't tell me its fine

I just wanted to be in love
I just wanted something I was sure of

Another kiss
Your lips are cold
Your eyes are empty
This is getting old

I just wanted to be in love
I just wanted something I was sure of
So hold me in your arms and kiss me like you mean it

Another memory
Looking back in tears
Wishing it was different
Alone with all my fears

I just wanted to be in love
I just wanted something I was sure of
So hold me in your arms and kiss me like you mean it

I just wanted to be in love
I just wanted something I was sure of
I just wanted too much
I just wanted you to mean it
You never mean it.....

----------

Open Yourself

Open your mind
So you can know me
Open your eyes
So you can show me

Open yourself to me
Let me come in
It's so cold outside
And so warm under your skin

Open your heart
So you can feel me
Open your hands
So you can heal me

Open yourself to me
Let me come in
It's so cold outside
And so warm under your skin

Open your mouth
So you can feed me
Open your vein
So you can bleed me

Open yourself
Let me in

---------

When I Fall

I'm running but not looking
I don't wanna see it when I fall
Gonna fall
Gonna die
Too afraid to try

I'm living but not breathing
I don't wanna feel it when I fall
Gonna fall
Gonna die
Too afraid to cry

Another day
Another chance to start over
Another day
Another chance to end it all

I'm flying but not stopping
I don't wanna fear it when I fall
Gonna fall
Gonna die
Too afraid to wonder why

Another day
Another chance to start over
Another day
Another chance to end it all

----------

When I Was Young

When I was young I met a boy
Who stole my heart away
Time went on my love grew strong
I loved him more each day

By and by we grew apart
I began to see other guys
I drifted away from my first love
I filled his head with lies

By my side my first boy stayed
Loving me more and more
Then one day he'd had enough
And walked right out the door

Time went on day by day
I went from guy to guy
One heartbreak to the next
Somehow I never knew why

So now here I am all grown up
With nothing left to show
All I have is loneliness
And nowhere left to go

I wish I could go back
To the days of my childhood
If I knew then what I know now
By my love I would have stood

If only he'd take me back
I'd be the perfect girl
He deserves so much better
He deserves the entire world

So maybe one day we'll meet again
In this world we're among
And maybe it'll be how it should've been
The way it was when I was young

----------

Your Hypocricy

I look into your eyes
And I can see your fate.
You shall meet your doom
Because of all your hate.

I can't stand your hypocricy.
No compassion have you shown.
Yet let he who is without sin
Cast the first stone.

I see the way you look at me
And I know what's on your mind.
You think I'm on my way to hell
But you aren't too far behind.

You preach to me of Jesus.
You tell me he's my guide.
You say that I should follow him.
By your own words you should abide.

But look how much you love your Christ
You left him on a cross to die.
You killed your God long ago
And his name you did deny

So for all these reasons I'll continue to fight you
Until you reach your dying day.
Then before your Messiah you shall stand
And for all your sins you shall pay

----------

Decisions

I used to have a puppy
We'd run and play all day.
My puppy made me so happy
But then my puppy ran away.

I cried myself to sleep that night.
I thought the tears would never end.
Mom and dad put posters up
Hoping someone would find my friend.

Some time went by
And he couldn't be found.
So I got a new dog
To replace my hound.

My new dog was wonderful
Everything was going great
Until my old dog came back
By some twist of fate.

So now what to do?
I had to pick one
I couldn't keep both
When all was said and done.

Should I keep my old pup
That I've had all my life?
The dog that I loved as a child
That was with me through all my strife?

Or should I take the new dog?
A chance to learn from my mistakes.
A chance to do things right.
Time to fix it before it breaks.

Old friends or new beginnings?
Which do I want by my side?
I think about it all day long
But I just can't decide

----------

Out Of My Head

Every time I close my eyes
You are all I see.
I wish that I could hold you close
I wish you were here with me.

Your face is engraved in my head
And your eyes that pierced my soul.
Your smile is carved in my skull
And your love that made me whole.

My mind is filled with memories
With every song I listen to.
I can't get your scent out of my clothes
Everything reminds me of you.

And somehow In all these thoughts of you
I always seem to find,
That I just can't get you out of my head,
And I think I'm going out of my mind

----------

Save Tonight

We lay there in darkness
The moon lights your face
You look into my eyes
I long for your embrace

I want you to stay forever
More than you'll ever know
But I cannot escape the truth
Tomorrow you'll have to go

So kiss my lips
And hold me tight
Forget tomorrow
And save tonight

----------

What They Say

They say that I'm too young
And they say that you're too old
They say that we can't be
But that's just what I'm told

They say that we're too far apart
They say that you can't trust me
They say that we just won't work out
But that's just what they decree

They say that things are too messed up
They say that you're beyond my reach
They say that I should just give up on you
But that's just what they preach

They say I like you too much
They say you like me the same
They say that we're both crazy fools
But that's just what they proclaim

But I think you make me happy
And I think I want you to stay
But that's just what I think
And I don't care what they say

----------

Clarity

I've spent half my life
Being treated like dirt
Getting used and abused
And feeling so hurt

I thought that happiness was
The absence of pain
I thought that sun was
The absence of rain
I wasted so much time
With guys who broke my heart
Over and over again
I let them rip me apart

Then one day I met you
And all of that changed
I smiled and laughed again
My heart was rearranged

For one day you were in my life
For one day you were mine to hold
I'll carry that memory deep in my heart
And think of you when I grow old

In one day you changed my heart forever
You changed my view on guys
One day was all it took
To make me open my eyes

----------

How Will It End?

You loved me more than I could have dreamed
You gave me more space than I could ask for
You always forgave all my stupid mistakes
But somehow I was always wanting more

I kept pushing, You kept bending
Will this have a happy ending?

I bent you so far you broke
I can't seem to find the pieces
Now I'm left with the shattered remains
Of broken promises with no releases

I kept pushing, You kept bending
Will this have a happy ending?

I think you're on to me
I think you've begun to learn
Now you're gone and I'm alone
Waiting for you to return

I keep pushing, how far will you bend
Now I wonder, how will it end?

Now I'm left alone and crying
Now you're gone and now I see
All the things that I once had
And what you really meant to me

I kept pushing, how far can you bend
Now I wonder, is this the end?

----------

Where I belong

The days are growing colder
The nights are becoming hell
So much pain inside my heart
But I hide it all so well

I hold my head high and shrug
I pretend that I'm ok
But in my head I'm killing myself
Just to make it through the day

I tell you my life is peachy
I preach of other guys
But they mean nothing to me
My soul is in your eyes

I want to tell you I love you
But the words just won't come out
I'm so afraid of being hurt
And once again being without

Maybe one day I won't be afraid
Maybe one day I'll be able to say
My love for you is eternal
I'll love you more each day

I'm so sick of hiding my heart
I'm tired of being so strong
I just want to lay here in your arms
On your chest where I belong

----------

Lost

A thousand knives pierce my side
I feel my heart begin to die
Too much pain for my soul to bear
But my eyes won't let me cry

I feel the blood trickle down
If I only paid attention If only I knew
I guess I wasn't really watching
Somehow I had forgotten you

You don't look at me any more
All you see is her
I'm only a distant memory now
But your love for her is sure

It's my own fault I suppose
I took you for granted alot
I should have tried harder
I should have really fought

So now I'm left with all this pain
Lying here bleeding on the floor
Even though crimson clouds my vision
I can still see you walk out the door

You don't love me anymore
Please don't pretend you do
Your heart is mine no more
My dear I've lost you

----------

Better

I try so hard to make you proud
I push myself as hard as i can
I do the best that I can manage
Hoping that you'll be my biggest fan
But you're not so I'll do better

I do my best and what do I get
Yelling and screaming from you
Constantly preaching about all my faults
I hope that maybe this time you won't boo
But you do so I'm gonna do better

So I try harder and push myself further
But all you do is yell and scream
Why can't I be good enough for you
I thought we were on the same team
But we're not so I'll have to do better

Finally I forget about you and all you did
I push myself for me and me alone
I sweat and I bleed and try so hard
Hoping I can make it on my own
And I can I'm doing better

I look and still see you yelling from the sidelines
Still telling me I'll never be good enough
But why don't you get up and play a few rounds
You pretend but you're not so tough
I'd like to see you do better.....

----------

My Struggle

Everyday another struggle
Every minute another test
I need some peaceful refuge
I need a place to rest

Everyday I fight so hard
Always trying to live on
One stab wound after another
Not too long before I'm gone

I'm blinded by the past behind me
I'm afraid of the future that lies ahead
I've come so close to my end before
I fear that next time I'll be dead

Life's a constant battle
Constantly biting at my feet
Always breaking me down inside
Until I reach defeat

I'm always fighting to stay alive
My life I shall defend
One day I'll get away from this
One day my struggle shall end...

----------

My Dream

In my dreams I see you
I hold you close to me
In my slumber I want you
Your love is ecstacy

In my fantasy we run away
To a paradise beyond the moon
In my illusion we'll always stay
But reality comes too soon

My vision becomes faded,
My paradise begins to disappear
My heaven is jaded
But I do not fear

Because when the morning breaks
And when my dream is through
I know that I will wake
Laying next to you....

----------

Leap of Faith

Standing at the top of a cliff
Gazing over the edge
I can feel my body getting stiff
Paralyzed at that ledge

I used to watch the breath-taking view
And feel my problems melt away
And there's nothing that I wouldn't do
If it meant that I could stay

The water used to look so crystal clear
The soft breeze caressing my face
But now this ledge is the source of my fear
I need to get away from this place

I stare at the ground below my feet
It seems so far from me
My hands are tied I face my defeat
And jump into the sea

----------

Rain

Sometimes I feel like a drop of rain
Falling through the air
With hundreds of others and feeling so plain
I wish that I was rare

As I plummet towards the Earth I wonder
What future lies ahead
Surrounded by lightning and thunder
Wishing for sun instead

My course remains unknown to me
My path is still unclear
What lies ahead I cannot see
But yet I do not fear

Perhaps I'll fall into a calm stream
And float there all of my life
Sailing along under a bright sun beam
Washing away all of my strife

Or maybe I'll fall into a city full of crime
And be swept away in confusion
Maybe I'll trickle into the sewer slime
And die in all the pollution

Or maybe I'll fall into an endless sea
Like so many others who came before
Lost in an ocean of raindrops like me
Longing to be something more

Or perhaps I'll be blown into the air
Back towards the brilliant sun
And perhaps my journey will end right there
Before it had even begun

----------

Falling to the Sea

Sometimes I feel like the world is too much
Too much to handle too much to bare
All I want is a gentle touch
Instead I get a family that doesn't care

I can't stand my father he just doesn't see
He yells and screams and always gets mad
If only he knew how much he hurts me
He seems like a stranger not my dad

My brothers don't see the pain they make
The pain in my heart from watching them fail
With every new day comes a new mistake
A new life in intensive care or a new life in jail

My mother was the one that I could look up to
She was always so smart and always a good mother
But watching all of this what could she do
She couldn't save us for we had turned on each other

Everything I've loved has been ripped from my hands
Passersby tell me of Jesus who for me gave his all
I try to explain everything to them but no one understands
How can I follow a god who just watches me fall

So I think I'll just keep walking down the road of life
Keep loving keep trusting keep letting myself get hurt
Keep trying so hard to overcome all my strife
Keep failing keep falling head first in the dirt

But sometimes I wonder how much longer can I last
How much more can I take before I can't seem to stand
I look to the future but I'm always tripping on the past
Always tripping and falling but where will I land

I'm falling through the air not able to see
What lies below or what I'm headed for
I just keep staring up where I began my journey
Just lost in the memories of what came before

Somehow I have to turn around and face the abyss below
I have to gather all of my courage and prepare for the worst
I face an ocean of possibilities they're endless I know
Somehow I have to face that ocean and dive in head first