TAGI TRIBE VOTES TO OUST THE RETURNABLES!
Thursday • June 22, 2000

In a move that surprised no one, members of the Tagi Tribe voted celebrated slackers the Returnables off the island in last week's installment of "Survivor!"

The Returnables' fate was sealed when Frankie skipped an Immunity Challenge in order to build a bamboo roller rink and then washed his socks in the Tribe's drinking water.

"These geeks wouldn't last a day at Parris Island," former Navy SEAL and resident hardass Rudy grumbled, shaking his head. "It's bad enough they saddled me with a Jesus freak, some skirts and a nancy boy, but a pop band? That just ain't right..."

"It wasn't just that the roller rink was a bad idea," said Kelly, the Las Vegas river guide, as she cast the deciding vote at Tribal Council. "I mean, the coconut skates weren't even very comfortable."