Returnables Stripped of Gold Medals!
Thursday • September 28, 2000

SYDNEY - The Returnables' reign as Kings of Men Gymnastics came to an abrubt end after pommel horse specialist/drummer Art Pop Lee Ray tested positive for what the IOC has termed "unacceptable levels" of cheap wine.

Team Returnables admitted to downing "a few" bottles of Thunderbird prior to the competition to "help take the edge off," but denies the fortified wine may have aided their performance. "You try putting back a fifth of that stuff before working those rings," a disappointed Frankie Lee Ray said. "If anything, we should've been given the silver and bronze, too."