UNITED NATIONS TO INSPECT RETURNABLES COMMAND CENTER
Tuesday • October 1, 2002

CHICAGO (AP) - Stepping up the pressure after weeks of heated debated, U.N. inspectors announced they would soon launch "unconditional and unrestricted" searches of The Returnables Command Center. "We'll be opening every fridge, turning over every ashtray, and testing every discarded bottle we find," chief U.N. inspector Hans Blix told reporters. "We want to make sure these clowns are indeed chemical-free." Blaze St. John, spokesman for The Returnables, Inc.©, said the beloved Chicago entertainers welcomed the opportunity to clear their name and added "they've been drinking, like, gallons of water. So bring it on."