FRANCE RENAMES THE RETURNABLES
Tuesday • March 11, 2003

PARIS - Responding to the U.S. Congress move to take the "french" out of such delicacies as "french fries" and "french toast" and replace it with the word "freedom," France's Foreign Ministry spokesman Francois Rivasseau today announced his government's plans to rename a popular American-based music combo.

"From this moment forward," Rivasseau told a gathering of international press, "The Chicago garage-pop band The Returnables will be known to French citizenry only as The Frenchables. We now consider them one of our own."

When asked why The Returnables were chosen, Rivasseu cited the band members' long history as peace advocates as well as their "curiously strong bond with Canada." Plus, he added, "France doesn't really have any rockin' bands to call its own."