SCIENTISTS TO CLOAN RETURNABLES!
Thursday • August 9, 2001

WASHINGTON - Sparking an international debate on ethics and moral responsibility, three prominent genetic researchers announced their plan to clone Chicago-based pop sensations The Returnables sometime in the year 2002.

"Really, all we'll be doing is bypassing the corporate ogres" said Dr. Brigitte Boisselier, a renegade chemist based in the Bahamas. "A lab in Orlando, Florida, has been cranking out the reconfigured genes of New Kids on The Block for years now. You can call 'em 'N Sync, Backstreet Boys, or whatever you want. Check the DNA, and you'll see Danny, Donny, Jordan, Jon and little Joey."

Dr. Mark Siegler, a professor at the Univeristy of Chicago, was one of the first to voice his objection. "Have you even seen these Returnables? At least 98 Degrees could dance a little."