"CRUSHED"

I grew up in a small country town. It was a lovely place to grow up. Everyone was so friendly and almost everyone knew your name. By the time I went to highschool I had gotten rid of the braces that had plagued my teeth all through my early years. I began to notice guys and guys began to notice me.

I had a crush on this boy that I kept seeing at school carnivals, at footy games, just about everywhere I looked I saw him. He was older than me, and when he walked into a room every girl stopped to look and comment. He was very popular with all of the girls and I always felt that I was invisible. Don't get me wrong - I was never short of a date.

My only problem was that I became one-track minded. Every date I went on became a blur, when I would often zone out and daydream of HIM rather than my own date. I wrote HIS name on everything I owned and on things I didn't. I began to show up where I thought he would be - football training, choir practice, the local lunchbar where he hung out with his friends. Still he never really noticed me. He did say "Hello" once and that made me feel like I was walking on air for a week. Sad isn't it?

When he graduated, he left our town, determined to make it as a star. Friends would report back to me about his latest auditions and I would daydream that I was there too. They even reported back to me about his latest girlfriends, which would often make my heart heavy and bring tears to my eyes. When I heard that he had gotten engaged I was devastated. I felt that he had betrayed me. How stupid to feel such an emotion when he had never really known me. I was elated when it fell through.

I magine my suprise one day when I picked up a magazine to read at the heairdressers one day. This lovely guy I had a crush on for so long was now a member of an up-and-coming boy band. He became more and more unaccessible. I became relegated to the sidelines with the multitudes of obsessed fans. Whenever I tried to tell anyone about my feelings they would comment : "So, you're a groupie, too?"

I began to cut out clippings and photos from every magazine and newspaper I could get my hands on. I collected the CD's and the videos just so I could watch and hear him over and over again. My dreams felt like reality. My reality felt like a dream. If there was a concert I was there. Lucky for me that my bookshop business had really taken off. I don't know how I would have survived after the amount of money I would spend on my obsession.

One day a nice young man came into my bookshop. We hit it off straight away. He made me forget, for a time, about my obsession. We married and were content for five years until, tragically, he was killed in action. I was shattered. I felt that I had nothing left to live for. My crush didn't even know I existed, and my husband was dead. What was a girl to do? I spent the next couple of years burying myself in my work. Anytime someone came in to ask about anything to do with music or musicians I would refer them to my business partner, Tanya. I just didn't want to deal with anything but getting through the day.

It was the day that I turned thirty that changed my life. Tanya had organised a special instore event. She refused to tell me what it was, except to say that it would be good for business and that I would be pleasantly suprised. And suprised I was. In walked five of the sexiest guys in music you could ever see. I was dumb-struck. Here THEY were in my bookshop. I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked that unknowingly I stepped backwards against the support to one of the bookshelves. The shelf began to teeter towards me. The next thing I knew a pair of really strong arms had gathered me up. I buried my head into his chest. All thos repressed memories of highschool came flooding back.

When he finally put me down, I began to cry - a mixture of relief and regret. His friend looked at me with worry and asked : "Sexy lady - why are you so sad?". I explained that I was just relieved to be sitting here and not lying under a bookshelf. The rest of the day went by in a blur. The books were signed, the takings were up and everyone was happy. I thought that I would never see HIM again so I mustered up the courage to hug him and kiss hime goodbye.

A few days later, I was cleaning out the cash register and found a folded note. I started to thow it out but something made me stop. I opened it and began to read. "HOMETOWN GIRLS ARE THE BEST, MY DEAR ERIKA. PLEASE CALL ME ON ____________, LOVE KEVIN." The heavens were smiling on me that day. I took the plunge and made the call. And the rest is history.

I no longer work in the bookshop. I just don't have the time anymore. With running after little Anastasia and Jerald IV, there is no time left. I get to sign my name as ERIKA RICHARDSON. And I go to bed every night with the sexiest man on earth. My life is complete.

By Erika C.

(c) 1999 - all events in this story are purely fictional