"Dude, let's get Prince Alberts and then take some viagra"
     - Nate (being serious)

"I feel like i'm in a bowl of soup....seriously, a bowl of soup....chunky beef....SEX SOUP!!"
     - Rob

"*whispers* everyone wins when you play commie blackjack"
     - Luke at the casino

"Anyways, I'm going to rest up for bowling tomorrow"
     - Randy

"You look pretty old for an old year old"
     - RyRy

"Dude, when it comes to [whatever we were discussing] there's only black and white. There's no grey area....or Mexicans"
     - Nate

"Dude, I think she tried to give me head once but she failed miserably"
     - Joel B.

"I can't wait to have my huge penis"
     - Rob

"Can't really help ya at the moment, however if you want me to be stoned I'd be more than happy to deliver"
     - Nate

"All black people are angry, they want you to 'get out the way'...happy MLK Jr. Day."
     - Paul

"Winter time is for karate"
     - RyRy

"I can't wait till you get your i'm a wasted life ticket in the mail"
     - Rob L

"They're dead! Get over it!"
     - Ryry yelling at mourners in a cemetery

"DUI on a keyboard"
     - The stupidest family in the world

"Ok, I have to go take a Christmas poo"
     - Steve

"If I see somebody jerkin it into some soup, I tend to go for a sandwich"
     - Luke

"is that like, oh my, CHEEZE WHIZ"
     - RyRy

"Taking cans back is like getting aluminum welfare"
     - Luke

"Ohh....wipe your ass!"
     - Rob

"I gotta stand up for this one, it's deep"
     - Me, as i vigorously scratch my scrote

"Did the kitchen just talk to you?"
     - Rob L

"Canada is quite possibly the best thing ever"
     - Ian V

"somewhere in the night a sad little taco cried out for his brothers and sisters, so i came to the rescue....and ate him"
     - Peter

"Dude, if you eat nothing but fiber I swear to god you'll never have to wipe your ass again"...."Where's the fun in that?"
     - Luke and Rob

"You're so testy today, testy like a gonad"
     - Matt J.

"I'm seriously craving some vagina....I am!"
     - Rob

"I'm growing way too much hair on my balls, i don't think even monkeys would brave this jungle"
    - Matt S.

"recycling is just procrastination of throwing something away"
    - Matt J.

"The best thing about christmas? Blowjobs."
    - Gene Simmons

"I...got my d s'ed by your mom....for the very first time...i can't deny you (as Alive by POD plays on in the background)"
    - Annoymous

"What if you were an ancient barbarian? I bet a real embarrassing thing would be if you were sacking Rome and your cape got caught on something and you couldn't get it unhooked. Then you would have to ask another barbarian to unhook it for you."
    -Ryry

"...it always amazes me how often your mom and cunt end up in the same sentence."
    - Me talking to Steve

"See, you're not really paying for sex. You're paying for her to leave after sex!"     - My Philosophy Prof.