Grocery Information

On Sears hairdryer:

"Do not use while sleeping."

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my  hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be winner! No purchase necessary.

Details inside."

(The shoplifter special.)

On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap"

(And that would be how . . .?)

On some Schwan frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(But it's *just* a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert

(printed on bottom of box):

"Do not turn upside down."

(Too late!)

On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating."

(As night follows the day . . . )

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(But wouldn't this save more time?)

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

Written On the Packaging is:

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:

"not to be used for the other use."

(I gotta admit, I'm curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: contains nuts."

(Talk about a newsflash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child's superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you tofly."

(What a rip off!)

On a Swedish chain saw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Was there a spate of this happening somewhere?) >>

On some containers of M&M's:

" Warning:  Too many M&Ms may be hazardous to your waistline."

(and I needed to know that because?)