Wonder

 

I didn’t know there was so much anxiety surrounding me. I didn’t understand. Every day I learn something new, and it frightens me.

 

I hate to live in a world where I can be oblivious to other people’s needs and aspirations. I think of myself as selfish.  But there are so many deep thoughts inside my head, so many unanswered questions. Mine must be the mind of a writer, haunted and tortured by my own thoughts, living in a prison I built out of my own rage and ignorance. 

 

This must make no sense to you at all, but I hope that somehow you understand. I am more than what meets the eye, though your eyes have not met me yet.  I hate to sound so poetic and puzzle-like, but It’s the riddle of life that keeps me restless.

 

The idea of freeing my mind is mandatory. I don’t want to be tortured anymore. Every day I wish for my life to be simple, but simplicity can mean lack of excitement. I don’t mean to be a coward, so somehow I end up playing the villain. Us humans tend to apply a wrong definition of strength.  It’s not about physical power, or stamina. It’s about being smart enough to know when to walk away and when to fight. It’s about courage and timing.  One must have a great sense to know when it’s proper to rise to the occasion. People need each other everyday but are too afraid of rejection, so they don’t act on their feelings.

 

So one must wonder about human nature and the way things tend to happen. Is it too difficult to make life simple? Do we have to go through tons of inexplicable and excruciating pain for a brief taste of happiness? Is it all worth it in the end, when you rest your head on the pillow and think about your day? Should life be more practical just so you won’t have to ponder about it? I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. But I look at the world everyday: nature, people; I observe their behaviours and it keeps hitting me hard and throwing me to a far off place. Maybe I’m not meant to understand. Maybe I should just feel and choose as I please. Maybe it’s all a big waste of time. But I can’t help but wonder.