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It had been a while since a wrote a poem, let alone a good short story. I've been riding waves, up and down hills of emotional conduct. Distress, joy, sadness, anger,  hyperactivity, a whole shade of grays, not necessarily black and white for my small self.

 

It has been interesting to observe my behaviour. Much like a rat lab, I suffer from one too many rarities that make for a "rich inner life". A mind so complex that has been labelled as "complicated" and "dramatic". But nevermind my critics and persecutors, envy thrives on those who feed it with their insecurities. I am clear on not letting them get me down.

 

I've been exposed to put downs rather than ego boosters my whole life. For those around me, it was easier to let me know when I did wrong instead of praising my so called talents. That caused my "low self esteem". No one there to pat my back, no "H*llmark" moments, no sappy father and daughter talks or anything. Just me against myself.

 

I'm not complaining, or blaming the people who raised me. I am raised and old enough  to  tell right from wrong. I am grown up. So I won't mask behind their lack of affection, I won't blame my rebellious state on the overbearing ways in which I was brought up. They  place the blame on me, I place the fault everywhere else. I am to blame for seeing this wrong behaviour and not steering clear from it. Not much else. Like I said, I won't stand here to complain, but I don't blame myself either. Now I have the power to change.

 

Just last night I was called an "inspiration". Some people say they've learned from me, some even love me more than anything or anybody else in their world. I have helped others in distress, offering a shoulder to cry on, lending a friendly ear when they come unload their sorrows. I have been known to be sincere, a good friend. Now how would those things make me a completely evil person? Everyone can be bad...but must they be reprehended for life? must they be punished over and over for one random incident? I believe not. If a person like me can be inspiring, helpful, sincere and even good; then anyone can be so too. It doesn't take much. It barely requires an effort. It is harder to be nice than mean, that I will admit, for I have been both throughout my existence. But I stick to the shades of grey theory: one cannot be 100% bad or good for that matter.