| All right my friends...long time no see. For those of you who actually enjoy this, sorry for the delay. I've been feeling safe, and lazy as well. Didn't have a need to write, not that I need to now, not that the need ever really goes away. But let's get to what brings me here today: The survivors. For those of us who made it! I'm quite proud. And we know damn well that the battle never ends, that we will always fight the disease. Some days are better than others. We fight the urges. We try to laugh and understand a lot more than before. We don't talk about death as often. We have plans. We have goals. Aren't we all just so darn cute and well adjusted? Ok, that was obviously sarcasm. We'll never be well adjusted! Who wants to be? But then again, who wants to be me? To be us? The sick, the unwanted...the party poopers...the clinically, mentally and utterly depressed. Yet I consider myself a survivor. And it only took me 10 years. But let's not dwell on it, or on what happened for that matter. It's long gone, mission accomplished. I feel well. I'm glad I do. I'm glad some of my friends do too. It's hard to lose, hard to grasp the knowledge that we might not be here tomorrow, that there is an end. And in the past, we searched for that end, we tempted our fate, we toyed with the trigger as we stared at the gun, thinking "why keep on?". We did worse than that, too. I know it. In spite of all the sorrow and all the hate, I still have no regrets. It was a great effort to get better, and an even bigger task to stay well. I'm one of the few that made it, for some of them still struggle to cope amongst the living, to fake happiness and put on the "I'm okay" mask everyday. It's sad, really. I try to stay true to myself, be eloquent, be sincere. And most of all, be strong. Being sick takes some much energy, it's exhausting. This is my letter of closure. I can finally say I'm awake, looking through my own eyes, looking at the world as they see me for one of them, not an outsider. And it's not that I'm just one of the rest, the sheep, a needle in a haystack. We all shine with our very own particular light. I never wanted to fit in. I just want to be alive. And after all things said, I want to thank all of you for sticking by me through the years, hopefully you will all stay better and continue the recovery. I'm proud of you. We are not alone. Many of us suffer too, don't forget that. Take care. You are loved |
| Closure |