Empire, The Cannes film festival press interview-July 1997
We'll Tell You What We Want
Ye Gods, can it be true? The Spice Girls making a movie? Christopher Hemblade goes to the biggest event in Cannes: The Spice Girls Press Conference...
The buzz at Cannes rivalled Madonna with In Bed With Madonna in 1992 or Pamela Anderson with Barb Wire in 1994. Being The Spice Girls, the tunesome fivesome we at Empire have lauded so, we were a little shocked to learn they're doing a movie. The Spice Girls? Oh no. Girl Power isn't getting all Ingmar Bergman on us (a man who wasn't prepared to come to Cannes to recieve his lifetime achievement award, anyway). Well, actuslly they're doing a Monkees-cum-Hard Day's Night style film with cameos by Richard E. Grant and the like. The Spice Movie. We sent slaphead extraordinaire Christopher Hemblade to witness history in the making and this is what he saw...
(Scenes of hysteria outside the Hotel Martinez dressed as tarts and boys without body hair jostle and heave, while five likely lasses get all sassy on the balcony above them... Minutes later, in a room below the atmosphere is equally feverish)
Geri:(Looking down on Andy Coulson of The Sun) "Oh we've got some familiar faces here."
MC: Good morning. Bonjour. We have the president of Polygram, Stewart Till and I think he has a few facts he would like to share with us.
Stewart Till: Ladies thank you. Polygram is financing this movie, distributing this film in the UK, France, Belgium and Holland... (Spice Girls interrrupting)... Barnaby Thompson is producer of the film and Simon Fuller is executive producer of the film, Spice The Movie...
Mel B: Ooooooh. Mobiles off.
Till: We're starting to film in June and the film will be released at the end of the year.
Mel B: I can't wait.
Geri: We are going to pick the people who are going to ask the questions basically. So whoever has the biggest smile, nicest vibe...
Victoria: Gentleman in the front row.
Baz Bamigboye (Daily Mail): Who are you going to play?
Victoria: Ourselves, basically. Five days in the life of the Spice Girls leading up to our big live performance.
Mel B: Characters are going to be exaggerated, if you can exaggerate our characters anymore. Us, having a larf, getting up to all sorts on a little adventure. Very intense but with a fun element. Because that's what we do day in, day out. It's going to show the world, well damn, what we're like.
Emma: Fun. Love. Adventure. Loads of everything.
Geri: It's a parody of ourselves. We're taking the mickey. It's also a celebration of London, the 90s. You'll see our inner and outer struggles. The dedication to our fans. The media. The media.
Mel B: The media.
Geri: Whether you like the Spice Girls or not, it will work on many levels. (Hushed consternation in the audience) Bob Spiers is a great director who has done Fawlty Towers and Absolutely Fabulous. It'll provoke some thought in you. And now the lady with the long hair.
Lady With the Long Hair: Is there going to be romantic interest?
Geri: It's going to have everything. Take you up there. You'll just have to wait and see.
Mel B: There is not going to be a full on love interest because we're about Girl Power at the end of the day. But hopefully I will have a good scene in that kind of area.
Geri: We've been debating on who gets to snog Brad Pitt.
David Wigg (Daily Express): Would you like your new fan Prince Charles to have a role?
Mel B: No. I cast him but he wasn't that good.
Geri: There is a casting touch.
David Wigg: What about kissing him?
Geri: Victoria didn't kiss him. I did.
Victoria: Look at that ring on my finger, honey.
Geri: I would say Victoria was far more posh.
Victoria: I had a better suit on. (Muted laughter) Geri: She's far too posh to kiss the Prince.
Victoria: He tried and I said hang on a minute.
Geri: At the end of the day, bus driver or Royalty, we treat everyone the same.
Mel B: Everyone stare at the man in the grey jumper. He's got really bad body language. No one's allowed to cross their arms here.
Geri: Mr. Red Jacket.
Mr. Red Jacket: Do you have any nerves? (Pronounced "nearves") Mel B:Nearves? Nearves? Acting yourself is one of the hardest things, but I don't think so.
Geri: It might be a smash and I might give Jodie Foster a run for her money. We're excited and we do that. (All shake uncontrollably) Mel B: We'll have this lady here with the glasses.
Bespectacled Lady: What, me?
Mel B: You've got glasses on your head. Did you not know?
Victoria: You thought you'd lost them, didn't you?
Bespectacled Lady: What do you think of Cannes?
Geri: I think we don't make it seriously. Anyone does luvvy darling. Hahaha! We turned up in those head scarves and we're having a larf. And our own parties are always the best.
(Empire raises a hand)
Mel B: Yeah, you with the bald head.
Victoria: Shiny head.
Geri: Bald is beautiful. Bald is cool.
Mel B: And bald is back.
Victoria: Demi Moore.
Mel C: Better than a hairy back.
Mel B: Go on, you can ask your question now.
Empire: If he begged hard enough would you give Liam Gallagher a part?
Mel B: I'd refuse him. I don't think so.
Geri: If he did a piece on Hamlet possibly, I'd make him do a little epilogue.
Mel C: If there was a part for him.
Mel B: There will be lots of cameos with celebrities - Richard E. Grant will be in there.
Radio 4 Type Voice: Geri, did you pinch Prince Charles' bum?
Geri: Yes, I'm a proffessional bottom pincher. Why stop at a Prince?
Radio 4 Type Voice: What was it like?
Mel B: Wobbly.
Geri: It's classified. Not bad.
Mel B: Geri has drawn someone in the audience. Can you identify yourself please?
(Everyone titters) Brit Journalist: Can I have a part?
Mel B: Show us your abdominal muscles.
Geri: He could play the villain. I mean, he is the media.
Eastern European Journo: What do you think of Michael Jackson being here?
Victoria:(Deadpan) Hope he had a nice time.
Geri: Off The Wall is the best album.
Central European Journo: What do you think of renaissance in British Film Industry?
Geri: we're proud to be British and it's fantastic when it crosses over like that. We're just Spice Girls and we're proud to be female. Anyway. I think this has got a bit serious so shall we do a Mexican wave?
Victoria: Yeah, or else we're not carrying on.
(Said humiliation of journalists proceeds with everyone being forced to do Mexican wave as press conference disintegrates) All: Yeah, you look really cool now.
(The shenanigans end with them singing Say You'll Be There a capella. Shock: they can sing) All: Thank you and goodnight.
(Fine, but it's lunchtime)
Get your own Free Home Page