Smash Hits article with Mel C-7th to 20th May 1997
"Come and 'ave a biscuit if you think you 'ard enough," we invited Mel C. "Agghhh!" she crumbled...
No! Not the biscuit tin!
What was the last thing that made you angry? (Very irately) The last thing that made me angry was when Liverpool lost 3-0 to Paris St. Germain. That made me really angry.
What would you call your life story? Erm...oh God...I'd like to call it The Rise and Rise of Melanie Chisholm (collapses about laughing). I'm just being sarky!
JAMMY DODGER
Are you a good kisser? I think I probably was when I was getting a bit of practice, but I've probably got worse since. Anyone out there I can practice on?
Do you get chatted up a lot? No. Never, ever. I've not had a boyfriend for over a year, and I want that printed in Smash Hits. If there are any lads out there, send your requests in to Smash Hits and we'll go on a date. I'm in pretty desperate need of a man. Even before I was a popstar I was never really chatted up - I've always been one of the lads.
Do you read your own fan mail? I'll tell you what we do - we have people who read all our fan mail. We get sacks and sacks, but if any of the letters are addressed personally to us we read them, and we try to read as many as we can. Mind you, I only get one or two letters - it's the rest of them that get all the fan mail.
Have you ever used a bidet? Only to wash my feet in, like everyone else. I had a pee in one the other day - we were in Europe somewhere and there were two toilets - but, you know, the five of us always go to the toilet at the same time. I was busting for a pee and Geri was on the bog, so I had a wee in the bidet. (Giggles cheekily)
What's the last thing you think about before you go to sleep? I always like to think about what's happened in the day. Everything happens so fast, sometimes you just don't get the chance to appreciate it. I always have a think about what I'm doing the following day as well.
Do you admit when you fart? (Laughing) I don't have to, because all the other girls know anyway. They go "MEL!!" So it's best to admit to it, because if they don't get prior warning they get very angry indeed.
Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. I've always avoided it like the plague because I'm really shy about things like that. Whenever someone goes, "Let's play Spin the Bottle," I always say, "Oh, I'm just going to the shop," or "Ooh, I'm just nipping to the loo!" I'm a real chicken.
How old were you when you first got drunk? I think I was about fifteen. It was really funny because, you know when you're underage and really dress up to look older? Well imagine me with a handbag and shoes on - do you know what I mean? I really tried to be a woman. And we all sat there in the pub, and we even tried to talk about the sort of things we thought 18-year-olds would
talk about - decorating our houses and stuff. Of course, when you're 18 you just go to the pub in your jeans and don't care. I'm not really a lover of getting drunk though - because I'm quite health-conscious I hate anything that makes me feel crap. I don't even drink Coke or coffee or tea - I don't like any stimulants.
How many drinks does it take to get you drunk? I used to be quite a good drinker - it used to be about four pints, but I don't drink beer anymore because I started getting a beer belly, which isn't very attractive in a girl wearing a crop top, is it?
Have you ever stolen anything? The Spice Girls are like a gang of kleptomaniacs (ie. people who can't help nicking stuff)! Whenever we're in a posh restaurant we'll always thieve the salt or pepper or a vase or something, just for a dare. I always have to hide the evidence.
What does heaven look like? I reckon it's up in the clouds and it's all white and fluffy. God sits on a golden throne, ona big cloud and it's all lovely and sunny. I don't even know if I believe in God, though. I believe in something, but I don't know what it is (???). But if God was a character I reckon he'd be the way they portray him - with a big, white, flowing beard. I'd like to imagine him quite muscular with a deep voice - very powerful.
Why do men have nipples? I dunno, 'cos they need them, I suppose! They don't?! Oh, to show they've got a feminine side, then.
If you found Aladdin's lamp, what would you wish for? For Liverpool to win the double this year (Doh!), for the Spice Girls to be together forever and, finally, for as many wishes as I wanted. (Ooh, crafty indeed!)
Have you ever crushed anyone between your muscular thighs? (Screams with laughter) Oh God! I have in a fight with Melanie Brown! No, I haven't really, but I did once give Geri a black eye. She gets caught in the crossfire when me and Mel fight.
TOUGH COOKIE
What further shady secrets can we look forward to reading about you in the papers? (Covering the tape machine) You know what? You didn't want to say that today. (Laughs) Erm, the thing with the papers is expect anything, because they print what they want to print, whether it's true or not. Don't believe everything you read, especially in the tabloid press. Before I was doing this I thought the stories in the papers were true, but 99 times out of 100 they're not.
What's the most important thing your parents taught you? To believe in yourself. Always do what you wanna do and don't ever succumb to peer pressure.
What was the last argument you had? It'll have been with Mel B! It's usually after too many lemonades, so I can never remember exactly what they're about. It's a bit of a red mist that descends.
Why does the Leaning Tower of Pisa lean? (Chuckles) Because it's in Italy and they're all a bit funny there. We did a really bizarre show there with East 17. The host is this really suave Italian bloke and he keeps rapping and bursting into song. He's in this Dolce & Gabbana suit going: "G-der, g-der, g-der, g-der-g-di-g-der" (Mels - ahem -Italian rapping) over all the songs. East 17 were brilliant - we told them beforehand to make funny faces at the camera and they did! Terry was fantastic at it - really, really funny.
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