"Taking It To Eleven", a This Is Spinal Tap fanfiction story by Lamia.

This story is set just after Nigel's return to the band. Rated XXX for seX seX seX! No beta readers, as usual.

Please review. These characters aren't mine except for Marisioux, so please don't sue!

Nigel felt as shocked and horrified as if he were seeing an unexpectedly tiny model of Stonehenge descend from the rafters. Against all plausibility, Spinal Tap had just had a drummer spontaneously combust onstage for the second time.

The crowd screamed, and Mook cut the cord on the emergency fire curtain. The band, suddenly separated from the audience, rushed to the drum kit. Nothing was left of Mick Shrimpton but a little stain on his drum seat.

Suddenly, a gentle moan was heard from the wings beside the stage. Everyone gasped. Marisioux! She'd been watching from backstage when Mick exploded! Everyone forgot about Mick and rushed to Marisioux's side. A broken drumstick had plunged itself into her gentle boozum. She looked tragically beautiful, covered in blood and tiny flecks of Mick.

Nigel burst into tears for the third time that day. Mick had known the dangers of being a Spinal Tap drummer, but Marisioux was so sweet, innocent, beautiful, and gentle! How could such a terrible thing happen to her?

Marisioux slowly opened her beautiful, gentle green and gold eyes and gently whispered, "Do not cry for me, Nigel. It will be alright. Everything has a purpose. When life closes a door, it opens a window." Then she closed her gentle eyes again.

Jeanine, ever the domineering harpy, immediately took charge. "Stand back, stand back everyone!" she shrieked shrewishly. "I'm the manager here! Come on, come on, pick her up! We've got to go to the emergency room. God, why can't anything go right on this bloody tour?"

Derek and Viv lifted Marisioux into their arms, where she hung limp and beautiful. They followed Jeanine to the emergency exit. A moment later, Nigel found himself standing alone with David on the darkened stage.

David shook his head sadly. "That poor, sweet, innocent, beautiful, gentle girl," he said. Nigel put his arm around David, his best friend, his bandmate, and the only man he would ever love. He remembered what Marisioux had told him. "Everything has a purpose. When life closes a door, it opens a window."

"Come on, David," he said comfortingly. "I'll take you back to the hotel."

Soon they were back in David's swank (that means "fancy" in England) king leisure sweet. Nigel suddenly felt as nervous as a man trying to pass through an airport metal detector with a foil-wrapped zucchini in his trousers. This was his big chance to open his heart, mind, and soul to David, but he didn't know what to say. Instead he poured them each a drink from the minibar.

David spoke first. "I'm really glad you came back to the group, Nigel. I missed you."

"I missed you too, David. I'm so sorry I ran off that way. I was confused. I just want you to know that...I love you."

David nodded. "I love you too, mate."

Nigel felt as frustrated as if he were trying to make a sandwich with miniature bread. David didn't understand. He wasn't talking about brotherly love, or friendly love, or bandmately love. But did he dare speak the name of the love that dare not speak its name?

Suddenly he had an idea. He could say it in song. They were both musicians, and what better way to express his love than through a song, a public domain song with lyrics from which he could quote freely without fear of copyright restrictions?

"David," he said, "I have something to say to you."

David looked up from his seat on the king-sized bed as Nigel began to sing.

"De Camptown ladies sing dis song -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! De Camptown racetrack five miles long -- Oh! Doo-dah day! I come down dah wid my hat caved in -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! I go back home wid a pocket full of tin -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

David gazed into Nigel's warm chocolate eyes with his own beautiful amethyst orbs as he realized the meaning that Nigel meant.

"Nigel," he softly said, "Do you mean it?"

Nigel placed his hands on David's sholders.

"Gwine to run all night! Gwine to run all day!"

Their tounges met as eagerly as drunken strangers at a party full of insurance salesmen.

"I'll bet my money on de bob-tail nag, somebody bet on de bay!"

David's peacock-blue spandex trousers joined Nigel's banana-yellow trousers in a colorful pile on the floor.

"De long tail filly and de big black hoss -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! Dey fly de track and dey both cut across -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

Sheetrock drifted all around them and everywhere in a hazy white cloud as the headboard pounded against the wall.

"De blind hoss sticken in a big mud hole -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! Can't touch bottom wid a ten foot pole -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

A lamp fell from the nightstand and crashed to the floor.

"Old muley cow come on to de track -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! De bob-tail fling her ober his back -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

A spark from the broken lamp set David's discarded spandex trousers on fire.

"Den fly along like a rail-road car -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! Runnin' a race with a shootin' star -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

An alarm began to sound.

"Seen dem flyin' on a ten mile heat -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! Round de race track, den repeat -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

Suddenly, five swarthy, well-muscled young firemen broke down the door, carrying a huge firehose.

"I win my money on de bob-tail nag -- Doo-dah! Doo-dah! I keep my money in an old tow-bag -- Oh! Doo-dah day!"

The firemen unleashed their enormous hose on the passionately burning flames as Nigel realized it was time for the extra push over the cliff. It was time for him to take it to eleven.

"Oh Nigel!"

"Oh David!"

"Oh Nigel!"

"Oh David!"

"Oh David! No, wait, that's me."

"Oh Nigel! No, that's me as well. Perhaps we should just begin again."

"Fine by me. Whenever you're ready."

"Oh David!"

"Oh Nigel!"

"Oh David!"

"Oh Nigel!"

"Oh! Doo-dah day!"

Nigel and David lay drenched and gasping on the water-soaked bed, covered in ash and sheetrock, the orchid tendrils of David's golden mane moistly tangling with Nigel's auburn mullet. The firemen quietly left the room, pulling the broken door closed behind them.

Nigel closed his eyes and rested his head against David's chest, secure in the knowledge that once a couple has finally had sex, the rest of their relationship is bound to be easy. It would be nothing but fun for them both from now on.

Sure enough, a moment later he felt David's lips against his ear.

"Darling," David whispered huskily, "Shall we go try the hot tub?"

And so they did. Marisioux's sacrafice had not been in vein.

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