Title: Figuring It Out - Part Four
Author: White Witch
Email: whitewitch@poetic.com
Rating: R
Summary: It takes more than just pencil and paper to figure things out.
Feedback: Yes, please. Flames included. I just love having those bad ones. Really perk me! NOT! Just give it to me. I can handle ‘em.
Archives Rights: Fanfiction.net. You want just ask.
Disclaimers: Own nothing. Except the plot. If there’s actually one here. Hehehe... Any new characters are mine. Fox and Marvel take credit for the characters.
Author’s Notes: My first attempt at UST. Hehehe…Don’t say I didn’t warn you! I recommend you to listen to the song: Talk Show Host by Radiohead while reading this fic. It plainly sets the mood, I think. Especially when things get hot! Hehehe...I was listening to it while writing. Also, THANK YOU, MARISA, for beta-ing me!!!! Doing a series ain't easy without making lots of mistakes - grammar, spelling, etc. Glad I found her!!!;)

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PART FOUR

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Radiohead - Talk Show Host lyrics

I want to, I want to be someone else or I'll explode
Floating upon the surface for
The birds, the birds, the birds

You want me, well fucking well come and find me
I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches
And nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing

You want me, well, come on and break the door down
You want me, fucking come on and break the door down
I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready...

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Rogue hadn’t been sleeping. Sitting in the dark for the past hours didn’t help. Neither did the soft, haunting music playing on her Discman soothe her thoughts. Her knees came up from under the covers. Leaning on them, she pushed the unfinished sketch aside. It slipped onto the floor.

Something was wrong. No, SHE did something wrong. She hurt Logan. When that usually wouldn't have bothered her, today it hit her hard. Really hard. To watch him, half-clothed, still aroused but all enraged, stomping out of the room, she knew it wasn't their usual verbal sparring.

Not when it ended up with her wanting him so badly and him sincerely showing that he really yearned for her. Their routine never ended like that. At least not from her perspective. He never showed any lust for her, let alone affection.

But Jubilee kept telling her otherwise. 

"Babe, he is SO into you!" Her best friend would often whack her with the cushion to prove her point.

"Yeah, he's so into makin' me mad!" She would frown.

"You're doing the same to him. That's love, babe. That's love."

Yeah, rahgt! But, could it be? If it wasn’t, then where did all that fear came from? A fear that made her yell at him, accusing him of being dangerous when she hadn't meant it one bit. He wasn't dangerous. She was. 

No, there was nothing between them. Nothing. It was impossible for her. She couldn't touch. Let alone love--

“Shit, Ah need a beer!” Emotions exhausted her easily. 

She jumped up, not caring she was wearing too little for a Rogue. It was late, so nobody should be around. If they were, then, well, accidents happened. If they want to touch her bare arms sprouting out from her tank top and her long legs hidden little from her shorts, well, not her problem. She wasn’t in the mood to care. Caring hurt right now.

The kitchen was her destination, towards that secret compartment of the fridge where six cans laid chilled and never exhausted in supply. 

“Great!” She grumbled, hearing the noises from the kitchen as she entered. Apparently there was someone else up at this late hour. She never had trouble scaring away those little mutant kids. All the more reason to do it now, since she needed to channel her frustrations somewhere. So this one should be a no-brainer.

But when she saw the tanned, huge figure closing the fridge's door with a can in his hand, her heart felt really cold. Very, very cold.

Logan...wearing nothing but his boxers. Too much skin on him. Too much skin on her.

They stood still, unsure what to do. His hazel eyes widened in surprise and her own green ones filled with guilt.

But the soft features soon hardened into a grimace. He snarled, "You wanna get outta my way?!"

"Ah'm--" She wanted to say sorry. Sorry for blocking his way. Sorry for hurting him. She wanted to tell him it was a spur of the moment weakness, a moment of fear. A fear that she could be falling for him. And there was nothing she could do about it.

But he didn't care. He didn't want to hear her finish her sentence. He walked past--nearly touching her.

The sudden move caused her to flinch hard, banging herself onto the wooden wall. She bored a small hole through it.

Her shoulder hurt. But something else hurt more.

"Hey, you all right?" He glanced over to see.

"Go to hell." She straightened, her back towards him. Rage was beginning to overwhelm any self-pity she was beginning to feel. But why was she even feeling it?

Because you can't have him! The thought was right. Because she couldn't. Simple as that. Better to be angry than feel hurt and confused. Better this to make him go away and not let him see that she could be feeling something for him. 

But the rude response didn't work well on him. "You wanna say that to my face?!" He was fully turned to her now, hunched and dangerous.

"Don't push me, Wolverine." Her fists clenched tight against her sides.

It surprised him. One moment he wanted her. He wanted her more than anything in his life when she responded equally to him. No woman ever did that. Not Jean with his casual flirting. Not all those women with all the casual sex. Nothing was casual about Rogue. Nothing. And he couldn’t understand it why.

Yet now, he wouldn't have it any other way than...NO! He wouldn't hurt her. No matter how confused she was making him now. He wouldn't hurt her. But still, she had been right. He was dangerous. He was an animal. He couldn’t deny that. So let him show her then. 

The claws came out.

“Try me!” He growled at her. If this was all it came down to, so be it.

She would have accepted his challenge. She was the Rogue, second only to Wolverine. Even his adamantium skeleton couldn’t withstand her strength and invulnerability. But she didn’t want that. Not right now. The rage wasn't enough to spur that. The emotional rampage inside her was draining her. She couldn’t do it. Couldn't punch him no matter how strong she was. Couldn’t touch him to hurt him.

The rage diminished and the hurt returned.

“It ain’t you, Logan.” The words just tumbled out. Their meanings were vague. 

“It ain't you." She repeated. Then she turned to him, looking down at her naked hands in disgust. Her disgusting skin.

She didn't dare to look at him. Hugging herself, she stepped back. But she had more to say. It was best she let it all out in the open now. Best for both of them to clear things up and be on their separate ways.

"Do you understand, Logan? Ah didn't mean it when--Ah got scared. Because guys don't respond to me like that. Like you did. It's always one-sided." Her voice faltered. 

"Ah'm sorry, Logan. Ah got carried away with mah--" Feelings? The word was silent. 

"Things weren't supposed to go that way. Ah was--well, Ah'm sorry."

She couldn't tell the truth. She couldn't. How could she? Tell him she liked him? That she was attracted to him? Even in love with him? He would find it ridiculous. Probably laugh at her. They were always on each other's nerves, remember? What if he pitied her? That would be worse. She didn't need that. It was best she left.

“Rogue.” The claws retracted back slowly.

She stood quiet where she was. Her back to him, not wanting to let him see she was weak now. No more the nasty Rogue. No more the bitchy Rogue. She was nothing. Nothing.

He came up behind her.

Quiet.

Both knew now there was something between them. It wasn’t spite. It wasn’t loath. It was something contrary to what they kept telling themselves. They couldn't deny anymore. They shouldn't.

Yet they stood quiet, not knowing where to begin.

She shut her eyes, feeling his warm breath on her. He was too close than he had ever been with her. Especially with that much of her skin exposed. Too close. She had to go before things get dangerous. Before--

A rough hand settled on her waist. She trembled, relieved slightly that the top was long enough to cover her there.

“You want me?” He whispered hotly against her ear. No ridicule in his tone.

She hissed sharply when he brushed a finger lightly on her exposed neck. Too quickly for her skin to react.

“Ah can’t.” She whispered back, pulling away from him. But he stopped her.

“I want you.” She felt more of the wanton desire than actually heard him. So lost in it, that she never realized as both his hands held her waist, holding her too possessively. “I’ve been wanting you for so long, Rogue.”

“You can’t.” But her moans betrayed her words. She breathed hard at the sensations of his hands stroking her sides, trailing dangerously close to her breasts. Only the thin top separating the touch but the heat burned her deep.

She felt herself turned.

“Touch me.” He pleaded, his gaze more intense that she had ever known.

She wanted to scream at his request. She wanted to touch him if she could. She really did. Yet she knew that desire could never be fulfilled. Never. So she had to make sure he knew it. There was little choice. No choice at all. Thus, the illogical anger towards him.

“Logan, Ah can't!” She pulled away. Finally, a good distance between them. Her hands clasped tight against her sides.

“I’ll heal.” His reasoning seemed too simple. Naïve even.

She gazed down, not really sure what to think. It felt so surreal right now. To actually have him reciprocating her feelings. To actually have him wanting her even though she couldn’t touch, willing to risk his life to let her touch him--he could be playing with her. But to see such clear sincerity in him--

“C'mon, I’m ready.” He noted her hesitance.

“Ah'll kill you.”

"You won't." He paused. His eyes grazed her features adoringly. "Those government fuckers didn't. So you won't. Besides, I'll take you any day, Rogue. Any day to have you near me. Any day to have you tell me I'm a jerk. Because any woman should be able to say that to her man." 

The confession surprised her. She didn't know what to say.

"Rogue." He leaned towards her, hands back on her waist, pulling her closer. "Touch me."

Her hand hovered over his cheek. It was shaking, cold and damped. Tingling too as it remembered what touch was. She wanted only a feathery touch on his cheek. To pull it back as soon as she felt the warmth of it.

But--

It was pure touch. Real touch. His warm, moist lips on hers. His rough skin tickling her chin. His soft tongue languidly brushing against hers. His warm breath on her face. But she must pull back. This was dangerous. She could kill him.

But to feel. To feel him. To know again this was a touch she had been yearning all her life, she pushed against him, tiptoeing to get closer to him, breathing in his scent as deeply as he was with hers. Her hands rummaging through his hair, wanting, no, craving to feel more of him. She passed her own tongue against his, tasting him greedily. 

He moaned.

She pulled back, immediately, fearing he was in pain.

“What?” A dazed reply from him. He wasn’t in pain but was more aroused than ever. His boxers weren’t hiding his feelings well.

“Logan, how is it possible?” She hadn’t noticed he was holding her tightly now. Too much of his skin was on her and there was no reaction.

But he wasn’t going to be distracted by her worries. He claimed her lips again, rubbing himself against her where their pelvises met. Fondling the rise of her back as his hands got lower. Aching only for her. Thrilled that she was responding again. 

But he needed more of her. He breathed hard, never breaking their kiss as he let his hand under her top, caressing her warm, firm stomach. Feeling her arched under him as he stroked the underside of her soft breasts.

But he had to tear his lips away from her to groan. He gasped for air as he realized his control was on the edge. The lazy movements on his groin, of her hand stroking him softly up and down his length, they were tearing him apart.

He breathed hard on her ear. “You. Want. Me?”

He hadn’t realized he had trapped her against the wall. He watched her cheeks flushed and lips swollen. She was panting hard too.

“Do you?” He would have howled at the permission she gave him.

Not tearing his eyes away from her, he pulled the top over her head, finding himself breathing shallow to see her finally. The real her. All skin for him.

"You're so beautiful." He wasn't aware he had spoken his thoughts. His fingers gently wandered lightly over the mounds of flesh he could only see once, and now he could touch them. 

But she turned away shyly, covering her exposed breasts with her arms. He pulled them away, whispering huskily, “Let me feel them.”

But he didn’t really need to hear her permission. He kneaded her soft breasts gently, reveling in the feel of them, loving how they were all his. She was all his. And he was hers. He smiled, watching her lost in the sensations. Then, he rubbed a thumb lightly over a nipple. 

Her breath inhaled sharply, only making him harder. He pressed her against the wall, lapping at her neck, making her trembled as he drew himself to her collarbone. She whimpered when he finally reached one of her breasts.

And he refused to let go of it. She wouldn’t let him if he could.

She groaned when he changed to the other one. Kissing it, licking around the white mound before going straight for the darker, sensitive area. All the time she squirmed at the touches, making it more difficult for him to control his own needs. He could smell how wet she was. She was so ready for him. So ready. He needed those shorts off her. He needed his boxers off him.

But she pulled away from him, shoving him aside, shocking him greatly. 

His mouth laid open. His tongue slightly out.

“Lo-gan.” Breathless as she stood behind him. “This--this ain’t rahgt.”

“I don't think so, baby. You love me, I love you. We’re doing what most couples are doing, resolving –-”

“No, Ah mean, Ah can touch you. That ain’t possible. Unless this is a dream.” Clear panic in her eyes.

But he gently grabbed her waist, marveling at how her breasts bounced before they settled on his chest.

“Why don’t we just do this while it lasts?”

The panic in her changed to fear. He was going to leave her when it was over. 

“Relax, Rogue. I’m not leaving you.”

“But, how--”

“We’ll figure it out when the time comes, darlin’.”

And he wouldn’t let her say anymore. “You want me, don’t you?”

That was enough to shut her up.

"Ah'm ready."

That was enough to remind him where he left off.