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| 1. Life is not fair. And will never be fair in your favor. 2. Quiet always preceeds the storm. 3. Girls always think they are right even when they are wrong. 4. Girls will say the earth is flat if it jusifies their arguement. 5. Screen savers provide countless hours of entertainment. 6. If you try to make everyone happy you end up pissing everyone off. 7. Girls come and go, but blood is forever. 8. No matter how badly you screw up, you are still welcome at your parent's house. 9. Do as your parents say, they have the money for Saturday nights activities. 10. If there is any justice in the world, 2+2=4. 11. No matter how hard you study for a final exam, there will be something you never heard of before on it. 12. When in a fight with a younger sibling you always are at fault because you are older and know better. 13. There is no one true reality. 14. Parallel lines do cross. 15. Every work place has at least one jerk present. 16. Humanity believes safety is important until it inconviences or costs them money. 17. If something is bothering a guy, he will talk about it before 9PM. A girl will wait until you are asleep and then she wants to talk. 18. A guy is more likely to help around the house, if he is not nagged to do it. 19. Women all have the nagging chromosome. 20. A half naked blonde goddess will always have every guys attention even in the presence of a sporting event. 21. When one guy screws up with a girl, all guys pay for his mistake. 22. Your car will never break down when it is a bright, warm, sunny, day and you are within sight of your residence. 23. Guys can spend an entire day working on a car and still can't get it to start. 24. All electronics are female. They do things when they want to or not at all. 25. The 8 hours you are asleep will always go faster than the 8 hours spent at work. 26. Even perfect people screw up. 27. All chemistry teachers are related to the teacher on Charlie Brown cartoons. 28. Good doesn't always prevail over evil. 29. Even after all the schooling and training doctors go through, they still make mistakes. 30. No honest person wants to be a politian. 31. Always buy your girlfriend/wife a size small in clothing. Even if she is the Statue of Liberty. 32. When asked by a girl if you think she is fat, start talking about the weather. 33. When asked, if you could change one thing about your wife/girlfriend always reply, "NOTHING!" 34. Being cute and sweet will not guarantee you a date on Saturday Night. 35. All girls marry Prince Charming and most later on get a divorce from the biggest jerk. 36. Timing is everything! 37. Don't worry about the small stuff. 38. Things aren't always what they seem. 39. It is always easier to get yourself into trouble than getting yourself out. 40. Mathmatians have horrible grammar and English teachers can't do about 6th grade math. 41. All teachers believe their class is the most important thing in your life. 42. Just when you start having fun, someone always ruins it. 43. A religion can be wrong. 44. Science can't explain everything. 45. All activities are scheduled during your favorite television program. 46. People always believe an unidenified source over the people actually involved. 47. After putting something together, there will always be parts left over. 48. Things could always be worse. 49. Some people over complicate their lives to give themselves a feeling of being special. 50. Simplify, simplify, simplify 51. If at first you can't find the answer, stop thinking so hard. 52. Usually the best answer is the easiest and simpliest to find and understand. 53. The intelligence of the earth is a consant, but the population is growing. 54. There is a sucker born every minute. 55. Blondes aren't alwats as stupid as you think. 56. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, just remember the amount of manure it takes to keep it that way. 57. True friends will always stand by your side. 58. Always plan for the worst and hope for the best. 59. Don't ever rely on someone else to make you happy. |
60. Take time to smell the roses and look at
the stars. 61. A little imagination will go a long way. 62. If you fail the first time, try again, you can't do any worse the next time. 63. Everyday at least one thing has to go wrong. 64. One man's junk is another man's treasure. 65. Somethings about men, women will never understand. 66. Men should never try to understand a woman. 67. Don't pee on an electric fence. 68. Best way to learn something is to do it. 69. It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe. 70. The most wasted day of all is the one without laughter. 71. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. 72. You never miss the water until the well has run dry. 73. It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. 74. Happinesss is good health and a bad memory. 75. You can't steal second base and keep one foot on first. 76. A pesimist is an optimist with experience. 77. Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you. 78. It's better to ask some of the questions than to know all the answers. 79. A small man asks why he needs to know something. 80. I like to see a man proud of a place in which he lives. -A. Lincoln 81. Always forgive your enemies. That's what they hate the most. 82. He who fails to plan, plans to fail. 83. Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away. -Dorothy Parker 84. The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot. 85. Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. 86. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. 87. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 88. Never, ever stand near a person having one hand behind their back and a grenade pin in their mouth. 89. It's always darkest before you step on the cat. 90. You can take a horse to water, but you con't make it drink. 91. When in doubt, tell the truth. 92. If everything else fails, read the instructions. 93. Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat. 94. I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays. 95. Governments and churches are always the last to see the light. 96. Today's crazy person maybe tomorrow's hero. 97. When raising your children spend half as much money, and twice as much time. 98. When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum. 99. You're never too old to learn something stupid. 100. It is better to reamin silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. -Mark Twain 101. Don't argue with someone whoese neck is bigger than your head. 102. The hardest work in the world is that which should have been done yesterday. 103. Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. 104. Before criticizing a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot. 105. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 106. Think Oreos. 107. The shin is a device for finding furniture in the dark. 108. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. 109. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level. 110. Teenagers have a lot to learn from their parents, but the parents also have a lot to learn from teenagers. 111. A two year old can teach you a lot about the world, if you are willing to kneel down. 112. Your children are a direct reflection of your parenting. 113. Laughter is the best medicine. 114. I can be wrong, I do screw up, I am human. 115. It is easier to talk about values than actually living up to them. 116. Stand by your decisions. Don't say you are sorry. 117. Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. - Bokonon 118. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. 119. You can lead a man to slaughter, but you can't make him think. 120. Don't get mad, get even. 121. When you are late for your flight, security will always have to check your bag. 122. The metal detectors at the airport do pick up on bad attitudes. 123. People always complain to the person that has no power to change it. |
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