eternal
digesting loops of infinity
breaking down experience
into growth
my gut is twisted and warped
a maze of amazements
turned in upon itself
over and over it coils
like the snake consuming itself.
-Elise April 11, 1996
slide on my spine
the cold sliver of dead metal
yet I hold my arms open
trying to trust
a dying hope flutters
like a tortured moth
my hand outreached
defenseless to cradle
breath catches to brace
as I risk the expected
the embrace closes in
I may weep in relief
then it comes as resigned
the blade thrusts and twists
bitter blood pours out in ruin
the blows repeat
my arms fall numb
eyes glaze in pain
and I am blind once more
-Elise April 10, 1996
with the deck I learned it on
from years ago
with the ship he sailed on
marking each card with his memory
repetitive as I play
I move aside a bit of yarn
broken from a Christmas ornament
I remember tying it on
well over a decade ago
time has passed so cruely
and so I play solitaire
as his mother taught me
playing endless hours to numb the pain
and so I followed her example
when he left me
as his father before left her
and we play solitaire
but maybe there is hope
she has finally found her someone
she will marry this June
I look around my room
empty, yet cluttered
filled with silence and the buzzing of the light
the rainbow rug haunts me from my past
this mottled sweater I wear new
has it contained my future?
I silently sit, playing solitaire
-Elise April 5, 1996
