They told me it was forever. Go to school. Learn the ropes. Train your mind. When I was finished they'd have a place waiting for me. They did. A small office, in the middle of the cubicle trough. Last years model of computer, a telephone and a desk. My world was a 4x4 box of grey enclosure. I learned quickly. How to play the game. Who to take to dinner. Who to ignore in the elevator. What to talk about at the water cooler. Soon my office had been moved to the corner of the room. If I pushed my head against the wall hard enough, I could see out of one of the windows. I wasn't elite enough to get my own window. But I knew that I was in the running. I gave it my all. I defined the grindstone. Worked the weekends. Never missed a company event. Got an impressive girlfriend. Showed her off. Got a thumbs up from the department manager. I knew what that meant. Next weekend at the managers house. Tennis in his backyard. Discussing overseas operations. Business was increasing. Needed someone to manage those overseas operations. Take care of business. I was in the running.

I gave it more than I had. Lowered costs. Upped profits. Found new customers. Upsold them all. Worked nights. Pillows under the desk. Made it my everything. Met with the department manager. I'd been given the job. Would be managing everything overseas. We were expanding our workforce all over the world. First job. Close a plant in Michigan. Second. Open one in Indonesia. Third. Develop a new workers contract. Less pay. More labour. Times change. They must adapt. Workers in this country not fitted for our work. Too many demands. Overseas they're less choosy. More suited for our company. Job became everything. Got a bonus from the company. Invited to the brass Christmas party. A sign of appreciation. A sign of promise. Rubbed elbows. Met the shareholders. Good impression. Girlfriend on form. Good chance of partnership. Downsizing was the word. Plants closing faster than they opened. Profits screaming higher and higher. Bonus after bonus. Promotion after promotion. Surpassing the department manager. Girlfriend happier and happier. Then it all crashed.

Order came through one Friday. Layoffs sit better on Fridays. Less suicides. Profit estimations were less than expected. Stock could fall 1/8th of a cent. Had to shut down another American office. Mine. I filled out the forms. Typed up the memo. Mass emailed it to everyone at my office. Ten minutes later. The first of the workers came in. Questions. Astonishment. Anger. Outrage. Tears. Sickness. I had little answers. I'm not at liberty to say. You'll have to consult our attorneys. There's little I can do for you. Please fill out your 2 weeks compensation forms. You will still receieve 10% employee discount. Quickly called security. Escorts needed. You have until 3pm to clear out your desks. When the office had emptied. I spoke to the East Coast Manager. Where would I be reassigned. He was very pleasant. Very calm. Unfortunately. You won't be needed anymore. Thanks for your time though. It's been a blast. Please make sure. To take your pick. Of any of the company watches. They're usually reserved for retirees. But you gave us so many good years. It's our way. Of saying thanks. Oh and don't forget. You still get your employee discount. He said it with a nod. Reclining behind his desk. The wall between us. As my eyes shifted down. From his smoke stained grin. To the watches at the bottom. Of his desk. In between. I noticed an envelope. Standard Company Bonus Form. Lots of zeros. On his cheque. Our offices closed. Another job well done.

I never took the watch. Just turned on my heel. He read my thoughts. Didn't call me back. I crawled back to my office. It seemed empty. It lost it's worth. Picked up my briefcase. Left everything else. Office was dead. No missing workorders. No whirring computers. No ringing phones. No work. I left that day. Security waited. In the elevator. Escorted me out. All eyes on me. The guards left me. At the car. Good luck sir. Then they left. I drove home slowly. Staring at the tower. In the sky. That was. My job. That was. My Living. So many years. Add It Up. A watch. A pursuit. Of self destruction. A pursuit. Without question.