I am writing to tell you how very sorry I am that Susan Ann Norton Walker is no longer with us.  It tears at my heart to know that she is gone and can no longer phone or email me.  I always thought highly of her and see that only her untimely death has prevented her from contacting me, her very best friend in this world.  Please, permit me to speak at her funeral.  Here are a few of the gut wrenching, tear jerking, heart breaking thoughts I wish to convey...

     Alas, good bye dear, dear Sue.  We hardly heard from Ye!  Had I known your time was so short, I would have gone off my low fat diet of baked chicken and other bland dishes, and come and hoisted a few jelly donuts with you.  I would have gone and seen some romantic movie, with a rating of PG or less, with you (probably Lady and the Tramp).  I would have oogled the well built men of Chippendales on the Sally Jessy Raphael Show with you one last time.  But it seems the good die young and some just die whenever.  At least you were taken when you were in your prime.  I never learned about prime numbers in school. I think I was absent that day.  But anyway you were one dependable broad!  I cleaned many a dish with you in my ear moaning about Rebecca Ellsworth being late or about Daniel's teacher giving so much homework that you could hardly keep your housework done for writing his reports for him.  I will never look at a Bottle of Palmolive dishwashing soap again without recalling those hours of free phone calls we used to indulge in.  I will never forget that you had more shoes than Emelda Marcos.  I always thought it odd you had such a shoe fetish.  However, I managed to accept you for who you were and was sure glad I bought stock in Payless shoe store, where you shopped frequently.  I saw the flag at Taco Bell was lowered to half-mast in honor of your passing.  This has never been done before.  New product development has named a burrito after you...The Burrito SUEpreme.   I get misty-eyed just thinking how flattered you'd be if you had lived to see this day!

        Your family will miss you I am sure.  But they'll get over it.

        In closing I would just like to say that I will miss Sue Walker.  I was a better person for knowing her.  I would have been even better had she chatted with me more often these last few months.  I mean God did put us out here in ***** together... but we can't see why things happen as they do.  So here's one last inhale on her inhaler for the road. Cough. Spit. Spew. Let's all look up to heaven, put your vacuum in the upright position and place your hand on your heart to bit a fond farewell to a real sweet girl...(I'm still talking about sue)  BYE BYE SUE BEE!!!!
 
  YE SUE BEE!!!!
 
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