April 12, 1999

My grandmother hasn’t tasted lettuce in over 50 years. She said it just didn’t agree with her. So she had her last salad somewhere around 1949. She has never had a taco. She has never had a burrito. Those are foreign foods. They don’t agree with her either. She never had a corn dog until she moved into a retirement home. Hotdogs don’t agree with her. So she would just eat the cornbread. When they served sloppy joes, she wouldn’t even go to supper. She’d just eat the banana she won at bingo.

She used to work a crossword puzzle everyday of her life. She was a whiz at them. Now she can’t hold her hand steady to write in the little boxes. So she watches Wheel of Fortune. She loves that Vanna White. She’s had two children you know. And if you don’t, my grandmother will tell you all about it. Then she’ll show you her doll. It’s a Barbie size Vanna. She also has Vanna’s autograph. It says “To Alpha Love, Vanna White.” My aunt got it for her. It’s on the dresser by her TV.

My grandmother says she wouldn’t want to die in an airplane crash. If she did, she hoped it would be a good lick and over with quickly. She just turned 92 on April Fool’s day.

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