SOLD HOME AWAY FROM HOME

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You will be pleased to know that I am once again a single-home owner.

You may recall that I recently purchased a new house. Unlike sensible shoppers, I skipped the rather important first step of selling my other home beforehand. So, for the past nine months or so, I have been the proud owner of a summer home in addition to my new home.

That may sound all fancy schmancy, but the truth of the matter is I wanted this second home about as much as I wanted a third arm. But, fortunately, the home selling Gods have smiled upon me, and someone has finally found my previous dwelling to be the perfect fit for them.

And I’ll tell you this much – selling a house is a whole lot more fun that buying a house, and not just because they hand you a check at the end of the whole thing. There was no stress whatsoever for us as sellers. I know that during my two tours of home-buying duty, I was a nervous wreck. Would they accept my offer? Was the house in good shape? Were the neighbors psychotic cult members, just waiting to lure me into the dark world of animal sacrifice and backwards song lyrics? I worried over the littlest things. But with selling a house, you haven’t a worry in the world, once the bidding commences.

We knew what price we were hoping for, and all we had to do was sit and wait for the interested buyers to shoot us off an offer. Unless it was painfully low (“We’ll give you two goats and a copy of ABBA’s Greatest Hits…”), then I knew we could reach common ground.

We found out that we were getting an offer one day before we were to head of town for a weekend. Our realtor called us and asked if we had time to review a contract before we left, like we were going to say, “Nah, we’ve got more important stuff to do. Just tell ‘em it’s not a good time.”

Our realtor was top notch through all of this. She’s my age, so I consider her young. I still look at myself as a kid, so she fits the same bill in my eyes. My wife often reminds me that as I approach the age of 30, I can no longer use the “irresponsible kid” excuse. However, I plan to hang my hat on that one for a while longer, until at least a judge tells me I can’t.

Shortly after she told us about the bid, she was over at our house with the contract for our review. Fortunately, the bid was in the ballpark of where we wanted to be (they offered three goats and two ABBA albums), so we knew that we would be able to come to terms.

Of course, we had to go through the inspections and a few repairs here and there, but that was not really my concern, since my wife handled most of that. One thing I have learned in life – when it comes to doing things – anything – I just let my wife handle it. She has no tolerance for the inevitable complaining I will do for even the most routine task, so she just takes the helm as a preventative measure. My part of most any task of this sort usually involves having a beer and working my crossword.

After a few short weeks of jumping through the usual hoops, we were ready for the closing. This would be my third closing, although my first as a seller. But the previous two went smooth as silk. We went in, signed 84 billion documents that all contained very important information, I’m sure, grabbed some keys and went on our way.

Apparently, however, some closings do not go easily. Apparently some closings go bad. Very bad. When I mentioned how closings were a snap, and this one should probably take, oh, 15-20 minutes, both of the realtors got horrified looks on their face, as if I had just said, “Watch me eat this live kitten!” I guess speaking of the closing ease is the no-no of the real estate world, the Macbeth of realtors, if you will.

But, of course, as yours truly said, the closing went off hitchless. NEVER DOUBT ME! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?! WHAT I SAY IS THE LAW!!!

Sorry. Got a little carried away. Anyway, so the closing ended up rather uneventfully, and in no time the new owner was off with the keys to his new house, while we walked away with our check. I am sure he will love the new house, just as we did. And, since my wife and I are now in the house that we plan on being in for a long, long time, I am sure that this will be my last house closing for a long, long time. For one thing, the goats love it.

E-mail me at mwg1234@yahoo.com.