BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE POWER COMPANY

I think I should let you all know that there is a very good chance the power company is watching you right now. Yes, as you read this, the power company may be sitting outside of your homes, watching your every move.

And how do I know this, you ask? Simple. They’ve got X-ray equipment, and they use it on a regular basis. I came across this startling fact (which has been conveniently avoided by mainstream media, who are obviously in the hip pocket of the power cartel) while doing a little research on my own power bill.

It all started when I got my power bill last month. I noted that the power bill was a lot higher than I had anticipated. Immediately, I did the sensible thing, which was to chastise my wife for leaving lights on and running the air conditioner at sub-arctic levels. She informed me that she had not even turned the air conditioner on in weeks, and oh by the way, who always leaves the front porch light on and who also can’t seem to hang his wet towel up on the rack and would it kill you to once in a blue moon put your dishes in the sink? Clearly, I opened a can of worms that should have been kept tightly sealed.

Once the return fire ceased, my wife asked me when the power company came out and read the meter. I told my wife that I didn’t recall them coming out. Normally, a light bulb would have gone on here, but in light of the most recent power bill, we opted to conserve with a thoughtful, “Hmmm.”

Two months prior, the power company had come out, and I had unlocked the back gate for them to come in and read the meter. But last month, to the best of our collective memory, the meter had gone unread.

So I called the power company and asked them about my bill. I informed the woman at the power company that no one came out and read the meter. She told me that they probably just hopped the fence. I told her this was unlikely because (a) we have a privacy fence that isn’t very easy to climb and (b) we have an attack Bassett. “Well,” she said, “he probably went to a neighbor’s yard and read it using binoculars.”

“Not unless he has X-ray binoculars, because the meter is behind a hedge,” I said.

“Oh, they do have X-ray binoculars,” she replied, I’m sure revealing a secret she was sworn to uphold.

Thinking I had perhaps misheard her, I said, “They have X-ray binoculars?”

“Oh, yes. They’re very powerful.”

“Powerful enough to see through shrubs?”

“I don’t know. But I know they’re X-ray.”

She did a little more digging in my records, and found out that the power company representative had not, in fact, used his X-ray binoculars, but had instead estimated the reading, I guess based on numbers for that night’s lottery or something. While I had her on the phone, I asked her if they could get an actual reading from this point forward. Not only was I not very fond of their estimates, but I surely didn’t want the gobs of X-rays streaming through my house each month.

Even though the power company had not used their top secret X-ray binoculars to read my meter, the cat was out of the bag. And, folks, this is a mighty big cat. The power company slipped up, and now their secret is out. (Now that I think about it, I wonder if it was the power company’s big push to get people to remove lead paint from their homes. Maybe lead paint ISN’T dangerous! Maybe it just blocks out the X-rays!)

It is clear to me that we have a serious national issue on our hands. You keep hearing about all of the power troubles out in California, and it begs the question: how do the X-ray binoculars come in to play? Oh, the issue is about power, for sure, but not the kind of power that runs your coffee pot. This is about the power to peer into your homes.

Who knows what other top secret devices the power company is using. Teleportation machines? Jet packs? Light sabers? Forget about China. Seems to me that the power company is the one we need to be doing surveillance on. After all, they’re already watching us.