THE KEYS TO A GREAT VACATION

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When I tell people that I took my 4-year-old parasailing, I usually get one of two responses:

1. What were you thinking?

2. Seriously. What were you thinking?

Well, I was thinking that we were down in the Keys on vacation, and my daughter, Allie, said she wanted to go parasailing. And, as a parent, I think I am qualified to say that anything my daughter wants is allowed, so long as I can have fun doing it, too.

Originally, the plan was for me to go alone. But when Allie heard I was going, she decided she wanted to go, too. Granted, she had no idea what parasailing was, but it sounded fun to her nonetheless. I walked her down to the dock where the boat would take off from and showed her what we would be doing. I showed her how high we would be going. “Are you sure you want to go that high?” I asked.

“Daddy, we were a LOT higher than that on the airplane.” Touché.

Several people have questioned my wife’s sanity for OKing this. She, however, is a wise one. As she said, “We drove a car to Atlanta. Flew on a plane to Miami. Drove a car from Miami. And stopped in convenience stores in Atlanta and Miami. This is the least dangerous thing she’s done all week.”

So before we knew it, we were on the boat, harnessed up and ready to take to the sky. As the large parachute unfurled behind the boat, I watched for my daughter to flinch. Nothing. “Are we going up now?” she asked.

The crew members fastened a couple of harnesses to us, and latched us onto the rope that would take us skyward. I was sitting on the deck of the boat, and Allie was sitting on my lap. As the rope began to let out, I was gingerly lifted off the deck, and in a few seconds, we were slowly lifting above the water, the harness holding us like a giant swing. At the peak of the flight, we were about 400 feet above the beautiful green water of the Keys.

It’s amazingly quiet and still during the parasail ride. Allie was asking all kinds of questions (”Is that a fish? Is that a fish? How about that?”), and never wavered at all. After about 15 minutes, they began to reel us in. They set us on the deck of the boat just as easily as we had left, and Allie immediately asked the boat captain if we could go again.

While that was certainly the high point of my vacation, there certainly were some other good times. Such as:

1. Snorkeling. My brother-in-law, niece and I went down to Bahia Honda key for some snorkeling. I tell you that we went there because, quite simply, I love the way Bahia Honda sounds. Say it out loud. Bahia Honda. Just rolls off the tongue. While snorkeling, I came face to face with a four-foot barracuda, a terror of the deep, a razor blade with scales. And I am only partially certain that the thing was even alive, because it basically just sat there for about 20 minutes. Do fish nap?

2. Petting the dolphins. My wife and daughter got to spend 30 minutes hanging out with the dolphin trainers. I asked Allie if they said “So long, and thanks for all the fish.” She stared at me blankly.

3. While they petted dolphins, I hooked dolphins 16 miles out at sea. We chartered a boat one afternoon and hauled in about 20 of the delish fish. When we were greeted at the dock by my family, I said, “We’re eating dolphin tonight!” Once we managed to get my daughter to stop crying, we explained to her about porpoises vs. mahi-mahi.

4. Manatee time. The marina we stayed at had frequent manatee visitors, and they would mosey up to the dock and drink fresh water from the hoses. I am not quite sure how long one must be at sea to see one of these things and think mermaid.

5. The Pirate Ship. The place we stayed had a wading pool with a pirate ship in the middle, and several slides and tunnels for kids to play on. There were also water cannons that you could spray people with. This was good for my son, Parker, who finally had some firepower to compensate for his smaller size. My wife and I had a slight parental disagreement one day on the slide when several kids (not with us) were wallowing in the pool at the base of the slide, backing up the slide line at top. Allie looked to us, knowing that the rule is wait until the bottom is clear before you slide. My wife asked the kids to move along, and they chose not to hear her. I asked them to move and they chose not to hear me. So I turned to Allie and said, “Hey, their fault. Allie, go feet first. Those boys are now bowling pins.” Apparently, my wife thinks that was a little unnecessary. I think we could have invented a cool extreme sport and taught a valuable lesson at the same time.

The entire week was a fantastic vacation, and I am eagerly looking to do it again. Maybe next time we’ll skydive.

Tune in next week for the final installment of the vacation. (I plan to release the three prequels years down the road.) And find out just how much fun it is to be stranded in an airport with tired children. Oh, and did I mention the lightning? Let’s just say lightning + airplane = bad time