TIME OUT FOR BAD BEHAVIOR

Well, I’ve reached the point that I knew would come eventually. Yes, it’s discipline time in the Gibbons household.

My daughter is now 20 months old, which seems like a lovable and innocent age for people without children 20 months and older. But in fact, 20 months is the age where children develop a side of their personality that makes them do very non-lovable and non-innocent things, like climbing on the dinner table when you turn your back for two seconds or drawing on the dog.

So, because of her exploration of new boundaries, my wife and I must venture into the realm of discipline. My wife and I employ the modernized approach of time out. Actually, the concept of time out is nothing knew. Only the name has changed. When I was growing up, it was called “Go Stand in the Corner, Lest I Sell You to the Circus.” I’m not too keen on calling it time out, because that sounds like you’re just taking a breather, and you’ll be back in the game in a jiffy. I wanted to call it Camp Shutdown, but my wife overruled me.

So time out has become the discipline approach of choice. I thought it would work as follows: (1) child misbehaves (2) child is told to stop misbehaving or go to time-out (3) child misbehaves again (4) child gets sent to time out (5) child learns valuable lesson and has shiny new halo.

Well, as it turns out, there are many, many avenues that you can take down the path to time out, and not one has resulted in a long-term halo shine.

The most common issue that gets my daughter in trouble is standing up in her chair. When she is eating, she will get bored with her meal, and decide to stand up and take a survey of her surroundings. Well, this is a big no-no in my house, because chairs are for sitting, not doing your impression of Washington crossing the Delaware. When she stands up, I sternly instruct her to sit down. She laughs. I tell her again to sit down. She throws macaroni and cheese on the floor. I tell her that she has until three to sit down, or I’m sending her to time out. “One…” I start the count, and then she completely throws down an ace.

In a flash, she screams, “Two three good girl!” and sits down, grinning and flinging macaroni and cheese. Now I don’t know about you, but it’s very disheartening to get outsmarted by someone who frequently puts diapers on a Tickle Me Elmo.

Since my counting has proved less than effective, I have switched over to the general, “If you do not stop, I’ll put you in time out.” She doesn’t take me seriously, though, because whenever I say it, she stares at me for a second and goes right back to climbing the bookshelves or poking the cat with the broom.

When I do reach the point where I have to bring down the hammer of justice, I always ending up coming out as the big loser. You know the old cliché of “this will hurt me more than it will hurt you”? Well, try keeping a squirming 20-month old in a corner for 60 seconds, and you’ll understand what that means. Since my daughter will not voluntarily go to her cell, I have to hold her there in the corner. Her first move is to begin screaming at a decibel loud enough to have the neighbors concerned. She then starts flailing her arms and legs, which invariably make contact with various sensitive areas on Daddy, making Daddy join in the screamfest. Then she pulls out the coup de grace and starts clawing the walls. As my sister once said, “Geez, why not just stand her next to a chalkboard and let her go all out.” The sound of little nails raking down a wall, combined with ear-splitting shrieks and white-hot pain make for a fun filled minute!

Now, before you get the idea that my child is some sort of problem child, I have to say that she is a great kid. But she’s at the age where she is testing the limitations and finding her boundaries. And also starting to learn consequences. We are learning our way as parents, so we just have to take it one step at a time. I would love to be able to sit her down and reason with her, explaining to her why it was not a good idea to stand on the dishwasher door. But quite frankly, reasoning with a child is like reasoning with a file cabinet. I do think she is starting to learn that time out is not a place she likes to visit, because she will, on occasion, shape up when you mention time-out. To a kid, 60 seconds in a corner must be like 10 years in Leavenworth. But as soon as it’s over, she forgets pretty quickly and I give her a hug and everything’s OK. Except for the walls. I’ll show you the claw marks some time.

E-mail me at mwg1234@yahoo.com.