by Lisette: Lisette_an@hotmail.com

Legalese: The television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related characters and material belong to Joss Whedon and UPN.  All things Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling.  I claim ownership solely of the story idea - no profit will be made by this.

Author's Note: Okay, I officially love you people!  I have had the WORST day today and taking a few minutes from work to check my reviews and nearly getting bowled over by them... it made me smile and caused the blood lust for idiotic computer technicians who know less than me to drop dramatically!  I suppose that I should be thanking you then on behalf of myself and that poor soul as well! ;p And on that note, I wish I could leave you with more fun-loving action, but alas, some other stuff had to be addressed before I could move on with the main plot, making this a much needed filler chapter - but ahoy, scooby sightings ahead! ;p I hope you all enjoy!

New Author's Note: And on another new note, I've just received some bad news here and I may not be around for a bit - I apologize in advance for that.  I don't have the heart to go into the usual thanks, so we'll just leave it as thanks to everyone for the support.  Hopefully I'll be around soon enough to keep you all going - I think I'm going to be needing the distraction.  Thank you.

"I am here to love you, to hold you in my arms, to protect you.  I am here to learn from you and to receive your love in return.  I am here because there is no other place to be... Leaving you once was hard enough; to have done it a second time would have been impossible.  I loved you too much to have let you go again."
-Nicholas Sparks-  

    Samuel had shown great foresight in the creation of the small portkey that the Hogwarts group had used.  After all, to have the magical key bring them anywhere else but to Buffy's friends, and especially anywhere in the bright sunshine that still covered Sunnydale, would have just wasted time, caused Angel to go up in a blaze of fire and ash, and caused an already unstable slayer to become even more unbalanced.  Thus, the head of the council allowed himself a brief pat on the back as the slayer and the vampire stumbled slightly, clinging to each other as the dizziness passed through their systems even as their eyes took in the deserted parking garage that rest below the large hospital.  A premature pat on the back, it seemed.

    As Buffy's eyes swept over the familiar, cavernous room, she found her dizziness amplified as the screams of the past threatened to consume her once more.  Grimacing, she felt Angel's strong arms wrap around her small frame as shivers seemed to cause her body to tremble, her face growing even paler.  Harry had drawn upon the core of Buffy's magical slayerness when he used her magic to apparate them within the grounds of Hogwarts, weakening her and adding fuel to the fire when Voldemort had attacked and cost her a pint or two of blood - when that physical weakness was combined with the emotional turmoil of Angel's sudden and confusing arrival with the attack on her friends... it was no wonder that her usual barriers were quickly falling beneath the memories of the horrors she had committed in this same parking garage.

    "Buffy, hold on - stay with us."

    Even as the world seemed to blur and melt away, Buffy forced herself to focus on her watcher's words as she felt Angel lift her up and cradle her against his broad chest.  This time there was far too much that needed her attention and Buffy knew that she couldn't allow herself to be swept up in the haunting memories of the past - no matter how viciously they attacked her. 

    People needed her.

    Her friends needed her.

    With that thought giving her strength, Buffy forced her eyes open and began pushing against Angel's chest, forcing him to place her back on her feet.  "I'm fine," she whispered, hoping that she could convince her trembling limbs to heed her words even as she swayed slightly on her feet.  "A bit dizzy," she amended, green eyes that were lined with dark shadows lifting, a weak smile aimed at the men who stared at her with such open concern.  "But fine," she added, her voice hardening with an underlying layer of steel.

    "I... I'm so sorry.  I - I hadn't thought," Samuel stammereed, obviously realizing the folly of his ways just a little too late as he remembered in hindsight that the site of their arrival was also the site of the murder of Quentin Travers and his fellow council-men.  Rupert and the others had reported that Buffy didn't seem to remember what had happened while under the control of Mr. Lyle and in relation to those murders but... well, it now certainly seemed as though the others had been misled for Buffy's reaction all but confirmed that she did indeed remember everything that had transpired that day.

    "Hey, all will be forgiven if you just lead the way to my friends," Buffy murmured, brushing the man's concern aside and reluctantly accepting Angel's strength as the elevator she hadn't even quite realized that they had entered dinged to a stop, the wide doors parting before them.  And with her first view of what awaited them, Buffy realized that Samuel had already been in the process of doing so.  Instantly the weakened slayer found her eyes drawn to a small waiting room that opened up before them.  More importantly, she found her eyes drawn towards Willow, Xander, Oz and a stranger, all sitting in plastic, hard-backed chairs in the corner of the room.  For a moment, with their presence not yet noted, Buffy allowed her eyes to greedily drink in the sight of her friends - friends that she hadn't quite realized how much she had missed until this moment. 

    Willow was sitting side by side with Oz, her hand held in his and her eyes, though obviously dark with worry and perhaps even grief, were shining as she chatted animatedly with Xander and the girl that he sat beside.  Oz, now sporting a hair color that was a very fetching shade of green, seemed to only be half-listening as his eyes seemed to never leave his long-time girlfriend, as though afraid that she could disappear at any moment.  Then again, if Angel and Samuel had spoken true, they both had been present for the attack - and that thought alone had to frighten the bassist even though his stoic nature did little to show it.  Even Xander seemed preoccupied as, while he seemed to be nodding at all of the appropriate places, his eyes kept darting to a small corridor that led further into the hospital.  Which left the stranger beside Xander to be the last for her scrutiny.  She was a little taller than the redhead she spoke with, and rather curvy compared to Willow, with long and very straight dark blond hair and a gentle smile.  Actually, her entire demeanor spoke of an almost painful shyness and a gentleness that wasn't found in most, her clothing rather new age-looking.  And when putting all of these observations together, it was rather easy for Buffy to deduce the stranger's identity - after all, Willow had only been talking about her new Wiccan friend Tara for the past few months in her letters.

    It took Giles shifting impatiently beside her for Buffy to shake away her thoughts and fully step into the room.  Ridiculous themes of calling out 'honey, I'm home' flitted through her mind only to be quickly dismissed.  While her friends warranted such silly phrases, her heavy heart simply didn't allow for it.  Instead, she settled for the simplest way of announcing her presence - one that had never yet failed her.

    "Hey."

    Whether it was the catch-all phrase or her familiar voice that did it, Buffy instantly found four sets of eyes swinging in her direction as both Xander and Willow launched themselves at her.  "BUFFY!!"

    Grunting, Buffy managed a quick smile as she was nearly bowled out of Angel's steadying hold, both of her friends squeezing her as though they thought she would disappear before their very eyes.  Sighing softly, Buffy allowed herself the small comfort of their familiar embraces before slowly trying to disentangle herself from their death-grips.  "Did you miss me?" she asked, forcing a bright smile that she barely felt.

    "Miss you?  Only every day since you left!" Willow quickly admonished as the slim redhead stepped back, her hands never quite leaving Buffy's as green eyes quickly scoured her best friend.  She looked pale and drawn with dark circles under her eyes and her hair pulled back in a messy bun, wisps of blond framing her face.  What really held her attention, though, were the tears that glimmered in her eyes and the puffy lids that were testament to the fact that Buffy had cried already that afternoon.  "Are you alright?" she asked, worrying her lip as she gently lifted a hand and rest it against Buffy's pale cheek.  "Didn't they let you out in the sun at all over there?" she asked, misconstruing Buffy's paleness as a testament to months of the gloomy weather that Giles had always spoken so fondly of.

    "And what happened to your neck?" Xander added, feeling his muscles tighten as his eyes moved from the gauze pad back to his friend's watery green eyes.  If he didn't know any better, he would say that they had somehow managed to skip back to almost exactly a year ago where they met with Buffy in this same hospital, the slayer looking just as pale and drawn with a similar bandage to her neck.  Only that time she had been dressed in red leather instead of tan cords, and her eyes hadn't held the same torment they did now.  There was also the small matter that while Angel kept a steady arm around her waist, his eyes shining with the same sickening love that they always held, Buffy didn't even seem to notice the vampire's presence... or at least, she didn't seem nearly as aware of him as she usually was.

    "I'm fine," she murmured, sounding tired to her own ears as she waved away the injury.  "Old Moldy Wart decided that he wanted a nibble," she added before stepping forward and wrapping one arm around Willow and the other around Xander, pulling them close and reveling in the familiar embrace of her two best friends.  "I missed you guys so much," she whispered, smiling despite the pain in her own heart.  When she had left them, she had knowingly left a part of herself behind.  While she still wasn't whole after having left yet another part of her heart, this time in Hogwarts, coming back to Sunnydale had just regained two of the parts that she had been so desperately missing.

    "Well that makes three," Xander concurred, squeezing Buffy once more before pulling away, his eyes drinking in the small slayer once more.  "And look at you, all Buffy and no tweed - and no colored hair!  Glad to see you didn't turn all Giles or Spice Girls on us!"

    "Nope, no tweed and stuffy accent - and British jokes and pop culture references!" she noted, a real smile pulling at her lips.  "It's great to be home!" she added as Giles rolled his eyes dramatically at the three even as Willow and Xander both tackled the watcher in a similarly bone crushing embrace, obviously not forgetting the watcher that they all loved as a father.  Snickering, Buffy watched as Giles tried to detach himself from her friends as Angel once more offered her his silent support.  Strange, how even after all this time Angel could sense what she could not say - and in this case, he sensed the weakness that plagued her.  Sighing, Buffy quickly shook the thought away and tried to recapture the levity of the moment - even if it only lasted for that brief moment.

    "All crumpets and tea in the mother country?" Oz asked, finally joining their little reunion and accepting Buffy's hug with his usual display of indifference.

    Smiling softly as an image of Harry, Hermione and Ron flashed before her eyes, Buffy slowly shook her head.  "No, not quite the stuffy place I was expecting it to be - although distinctly lacking in all areas of traditional entertainment," she admitted, grinning despite herself as she thought of many a night spent gathered by the fireside in the Gryffindor common room to a fierce game of Exploding Snaps.  "Although, now my wit and humor can be appreciated once again!" she noted, her smile faltering and not quite making it to her green eyes.

    "Since when did you ever have wit or humor?"

    Smile strengthening at the seemingly-harsh comeback, Buffy turned to take in the two people that she hadn't yet noticed - the two people that she hadn't seen, nor really thought of since they both left Sunnydale over a year ago.  Too many things had happened in their absence for her to really give thought to those who had left she and her friends - too many things that took up too much of her attention, like the small matter of Angel's leaving, her mother's murder, her kidnap, and her mind-controlled killing spree.  Not to mention all that she had just left behind in Hogwarts.  Sighing, Buffy forced away thoughts of Harry as she vaguely remembered Angel mentioning his odd choice of co-workers - so odd, that Buffy supposed that she truly had to see it to believe it.  "Cordelia, Wesley," she greeted, turning slightly to take in the tall brunette and the slim man she stood beside, each looking suitably different than she remembered.  Perhaps it was the loss of designer clothes for Cordelia and the very obvious lack of a stuffy suit that did the difference for Wesley - or maybe it was just the look in their eyes that showed more than anything that they weren't the only ones to have changed quite a bit since they last met.  "Good to see you again."

    And surprisingly enough, it was.  Even as the two eyed Buffy with open curiosity, obviously trying to figure out why the small slayer looked so vastly different to their eyes, Buffy was already moving forward and enveloping them each in a hug - a move that surprised everyone.  After all, when last they had met Cordelia Chase had pretty much closed herself off from her brief friendship with the Scoobies and would openly and very publicly blame Buffy for any bad thing that had ever happened to her vain self.  And Wesley... well, technically Wesley had been the watcher that had failed she and Faith and had been carted away to face the Council's wrath.  To say that the slayer contained any warm and fuzzy feelings for either of them a year ago would have been stretching things quite a bit.  Then again, a lot can happen in a year, and in her case, a lot did happen.

    "Okay, so when did you get so huggie?" Cordelia asked, arms crossing over her ample chest as her eyes narrowed at the petite slayer.

    "Since I've learned to appreciate what I have," Buffy returned evenly as the girl threw the others a confused look, testament to the fact that the LA contingent hadn't quite been brought up to date yet, even as Willow quickly cleared her throat.  Smiling, Buffy turned away from her circle of friends, noting that this was turning into quite the little Scooby reunion, and focused on the redhead, eyes skipping past her and to the taller, nervous looking girl that stood unnoticed by her side.

    "Buffy, I want you to meet a friend of ours," Willow stated, a fond smile lifting her lips as she gently pushed the other girl before the small slayer.  "Buffy, this is Tara.  Tara, this is Buffy," Willow stated, watching as a warm smile lifted Buffy's lips, helping to put Tara at ease.

    "Tara - nice to finally meet you," Buffy stated, smiling as she realized that her earlier guess had been right.  Willow's new witchy friend, in the blood.  "I've heard a lot about you."

    "I-I-I've h-heard a-a-about you as well," Tara stammered, blushing as she felt everyone's gaze land on her, thereby putting her in the very uncomfortable and completely unwanted center of attention.  "W-Willow h-h-has really missed y-you."

    "Well, I've missed her too," Buffy affirmed as she squeezed the other girl's hand gently.  "And from what I've heard, I should thank you as well.  I've heard about how much you've been helping them out while I've been away.  Thank you," she added, eyes skipping back to her friends - friends who were, for the most part, looking alive and quite well.  As a matter of fact, there didn't seem to be a bump or scrape on any of them, which obviously pointed to the fact that this impromptu meeting wasn't taking place in the hospital that she hated so much because of any of them - a realization that quickly brought everything crashing right back.  As her smile faltered and then slipped altogether from her face, Buffy turned back to the man who had brought her all this way.  "Where's Faith?" she asked, getting back to business. 

    While she would have liked nothing more than to sit and chat with her friends for hours, her strength, already waning before Moldy Wart even bothered to show his nasty self, was definitely bordering on the dangerous side of complete depletion - something that she knew Angel was picking up on by the fact that his casual arm around her waist was now supporting most of her weight.  Smiling at the thought, Buffy threw him a quick smile.  They had a lot to talk about, and Buffy knew that it couldn't wait much longer, but for now she was just grateful for his presence and the connection that she knew that would always share.  Too much had happened between them for it ever to go away.

    "This way," Samuel said, stepping forward and leading the massive entourage a short ways down the hallway before stilling before a closed door.  "And while Faith has been moved to a private room, I highly think that the nursing staff would not approve of so many visitors at once."

    "Which translates down to 'get lost,'" Xander explained, ignoring the man's annoyed glare as he smirked at his friends.  "I don't think I'm ever going to understand why you British guys can't just say it how it is instead of talking in circles."

    "If you think that's bad, try living with it for the past three months," Buffy returned dryly as Giles shot his slayer his own pointed glare - one that she, of course, customarily ignored.  "I'll see you guys in a few minutes," she continued, smiling reassuredly at her friends before allowing Giles and Angel to lead her into the room.  A room in which, had she been moving under her own power, she wouldn't have made it further than the door at the sight that greeted her.  "Faith," she whispered, green eyes taking in the hospital bed that sat in the middle of the room.

    The dark-haired slayer's skin was a pasty white color, her hair lying in sharp contrast around her shadowed features, dark lashes fanning against her cheeks.  All in all, Faith looked like hell - the kind of hell that Buffy had faced when she had forced Faith's body to wake from her coma prematurely.  Yeah, she looked like a whole lot of post-coma hell.  "Faith?" she whispered, her voice sounding unnaturally loud in the room despite the constant beeping and whirring of the many machines that worked to monitor the slayer and keep her with the land of the living.  Frowning, Buffy pushed away from Angel's support and stumbled towards the bed, her hands reaching out to grasp the railing of the bed and using it to support her weight, even as her eyes refused to leave the dark-haired slayer's face.  "Giles?" she asked, even as Angel reclaimed his position beside her, supporting her weight once more without word.

    Sensing his slayer's unasked question, the watcher moved to stand opposite them, his green eyes tinged with worry as they moved over the pale slayer.  Samuel had mentioned the cruciatus as well as the killing curse, and while he had no idea what could be done for the latter, Madam Pomfrey and Severus had more than equipped him to deal with the rest.  "Faith?  Faith," he whispered, trying her name again as he gently attempted to wake the unconscious slayer.

    "Faith, you need to wake up now," Buffy murmured, joining in her watcher's efforts as she gently touched the girl's hospital-gown clad shoulder.  An effort that was rewarded by a soft groan as the girl began to tremble.  "Come on Faith, we need you here," she whispered, smiling softly as bloodshot brown eyes fluttered open and then locked on her face, a small smile pulling at the girl's pale lips.

    "Am I dreamin' B, or is that really you?" Faith murmured, her voice scratchy and raw.

    "It's as me as they come," Buffy confirmed as she reached down and slid her hand into Faith's, squeezing it gently.  "Although if you really wanted me to come back from England that bad, I can think of much better ways to get my attention," she added, smiling lightly as Faith tried to shift in the bed, a grimace pulling at her lips.

    "Yeah, that makes two of us," she muttered, her eyes darkening as tears seemed to wet her eyes before she quickly and resolutely blinked them away.

    Sighing softly, Buffy knew then that Faith thought of her fallen watcher - a watcher that had died in a fight that never should have been hers.  "I'm so sorry, Faith," she murmured, her own voice cracking and tears burning in her eyes at the injustice of it all... of the guilt that rippled through her form.  After all, the only reason that Faith was in that bed, watcher-less once more, was because Voldemort wanted to send a message to Buffy.  Well, in that regards the Dark Lord had succeeded far beyond his wildest imagination for his small message had caused her to turn tail as fast as she was able.  She would do anything for her friends, and from her conversations with Harry, Voldemort knew that.  He had learned of her greatest weakness, and when the rest of his parlor tricks proved ineffective, he used it against her - and there was nothing that she could do about it.  "I can't bring her back," she added, her face wan and sickly in the bright fluorescent light, "but I can make you better," she added, gesturing to Giles who was removing small vials of different colored potions as she spoke.  "A friend made them extra potent, and thanks to the Hellmouth, they should do the trick on getting you back to new in... well, in less time than the docs here have been promising," she stated, forcing a small smile for her friend.

    "What about you?" Faith asked, eyes taking in Buffy's haggard appearance.  "Looks like I'm not the only one who needs a quick fix," the slayer pointed out in her usual blunt fashion as her eyes pointedly stared at the arm that was busy supporting Buffy's rapidly diminishing strength.

    "Here," Giles added, interrupting whatever excuses he knew his slayer was about to spout as he passed over a small, reddish-looking potion into her small hands.  "Poppy provided enough pepper-up potion for the both of you," he explained as Buffy dubiously eyed the small vial she held. 

    After all, even though she had lived around this sort of thing for the past three months, Buffy had always felt apart from it.  Wizarding magic couldn't touch her at Hogwarts - or rather, it couldn't touch her anywhere... save where she was currently located - and she had almost forgotten that here on the Hellmouth, any of them were fair game - a fact that Faith had so painfully provven.  Sighing her acceptance, Buffy uncorked the bottle and lifted it to her lips - pausing only as the awful smell assaulted her senses.  "Okay, it didn't smell this bad at Hogwarts," she griped as she pinched her nose against the smell.  "Snape did something to make it worse, didn't he?" she asked, watching as Giles tried to force several similar bottles on the slayer laid about before her.  Sighing, Buffy closed her eyes and quickly tilted her head back, downing the awful smelling potion in one gulp.  Almost instantly she felt a wave of energy course through her limbs as heat seemed to surge through her veins - a heat so intense that she was vaguely aware of twin blasts of steam streaming from her ears.

    Flushing even as Faith began to snicker at her, Buffy had to admit that despite the embarrassing side effects, the pepper-up potion did the trick as she felt a lot better than before.  So much better that she gently moved Angel's arm away and stood on her own two feet once again, her eyes meeting his for the briefest of moments before turning back to her watcher.  "Is there any-"

    "You might as well head out with the others," Giles interrupted, a fierce scowl pulling at his lips as Faith began to try and evade his attempts to force-feed her the next potion.  "I have a feeling that this may take awhile," he added, glaring pointedly at the bed-ridden slayer and completely oblivious to the wink the slayer was sending in Buffy's direction.

    Shaking her head, Buffy squeezed Faith's hand once more before backing towards the door, her legs far steadier than before.  "We'll be outside if you need us," she added, smiling softly as she slipped into the hall.  But even as she turned back towards the waiting room down the hall, she felt the soft pressure of Angel's hand on her back and understood his unasked question.  "We need to talk," she murmured, voicing the thought for them both as Buffy's eyes lifted to his own - eyes that were so sad and reminded her so much of everything that she had loved about life only a short year before.  Before everything went to hell.  Sighing, Buffy felt the weight of the world come crashing back on her shoulders as she turned away from the room that held her friends and began walking away from them, Angel falling into step beside her.

    As they moved silently down the corridor, Buffy felt her forced cheer dissolve under a wave of pain and grief - pain for what she had been forced to leave behind and grief for what could happen in her absence.  Grief for the fact that she felt as though she was never going to see Harry or the others again.  Sighing, Buffy drew away from her thoughts as Angel gently steered her into an empty hospital room, mindful of the closed drapes that cloaked the room in darkness.  On wooden legs the small slayer crossed the room and settled in a chair against the wall, idly watching as Angel hesitated for a moment before finally pulling another chair opposite of hers.  For a moment, the silence stretched as they merely stared at each other, reading the pain that echoed in both of their eyes and as the words that needed to be said remained unspoken. 

    Finally, when the silence became too much, Angel was the one to break it.  "I... I'm sorry," he whispered, his words sounding hollow and painfully inadequate to his own ears as Buffy quickly wrapped her small arms around her waist, her eyes drifting away from his.  "I never should have left-"

    "No," Buffy quickly stated, her words stopping his own as she finally lifted her eyes once more, a sad smile pulling at her lips.  "Angel, you had your reasons for leaving Sunnydale, and nothing can change those reasons.  And even though it hurt at the time, we both knew that you were doing the right thing.  You didn't belong in Sunnydale any longer.  You don't belong here anymore.  And what happened after you left didn't make those reasons any less real," she added, knowing what Angel was trying to offer her, even though both knew it was something he couldn't give, nor could she accept.  "Besides, it wouldn't have made a difference if you were there or not.  Your presence wouldn't have changed anything, except that I may have lost you as well as my mom," she whispered, the tears brimming in her eyes.  "And I couldn't have survived this had I lost you both," Buffy admitted as Angel abandoned his chair and settled on the floor before her, his eyes never once leaving her own.

    "I know," Angel murmured, responding to everything that she had said even as it broke his own heart to admit it.  Leaving Buffy had been one of the hardest things that Angel had ever had to do, and even now he wasn't completely sure if he had done it for the reasons that he had spoken.  While he did want Buffy to be able to have someone to take her into the sun, he also knew that Buffy was the slayer and he understood what that meant.  Buffy didn't have long, certainly not long enough to enjoy many of the things that she deserved, and a part of him selfishly wanted to be with her for the time that remained.  On the other hand, he understood now that his redemption couldn't be found in Sunnydale and that, whether he liked it or not, he played a much larger role than the one he had begun to fill in Sunnydale.  While he could have been content to simply be loved by Buffy and help her in Sunnydale, he understood now that he was a Champion and as such, was needed in Los Angeles.  It hurt him to admit it, but in the end his love for her couldn't be enough.  Being with her couldn't be enough.  And though it killed him to do it, Angel knew that it was a lesson that they both understood.  After all, Buffy had felt that lesson's brutal call first when she had sacrificed him and their love, sending him to Hell to save the world.  One year ago Angel was forced to do the same when he sacrificed their love for the greater good that awaited him in Los Angeles.  It was his Destiny, and sometimes, Destiny just couldn't be ignored.  Then again, that didn't make turning away any easier.

    His first few days in Los Angeles had been the hardest few days of his long unlife.  Everything in his body screamed for him to return to Buffy, to make his heart whole once more, while another part of his body at least begged for him to call Giles and maintain some kind of link between their worlds.  But he had steadfastly refused them both.  His destiny lay in LA and Buffy's in Sunnydale, forcing them into two different directions - into two different worlds.  However, now...  "The others... they told us a little of what happened," he murmured, breaking free of his thoughts and voicing part of his fears aloud.  What went unspoken was all of the 'what-ifs' that remained.  If he had only stayed in touch, then he would have known about what had happened to Buffy.  Their worlds were only separated by a few hundred miles - by a relatively short two-hour drive.  How could it be that word of the hell that had fallen upon Sunnydale never reached them in LA?  According to the others, the Hellmouth had become a veritable breeding ground for the nasty demonic stuff that he worked to fight in LA.  The demon world knew of the slayer's disappearance and swarmed the small town.  With all of his demon connections, the idea that he hadn't heard even one whisper of Buffy's plight was unfathomable.  And yet... it had happened.  The first that he and the others had heard about what happened was upon their return to Sunnydale.  "Had I... had I known I would have come for you," he finally whispered, consolidating all of the what-ifs into one simple promise.

    "I know," Buffy returned, a small play on Angel's earlier acknowledgement.  And she did know.  After all, it wasn't just thoughts of her friends that got her through the Centre hell, but thoughts of Angel as well.  She knew that somehow he remained oblivious to her plight for if he had, she knew that Angel would have crossed the depths of hell itself to see her safe.  Just as she would always be willing to do for him.  But he hadn't.  Angel hadn't come for her and that meant only one thing.  "Apparently," she added, a sad smile pulling at her lips.  "Apparently it was meant to be," she murmured as Angel opened his arms to her in an unspoken invitation, one that she easily accepted as she slid from her chair and allowed herself to be cradled in his familiar embrace.  "Ain't Destiny a bitch?" she asked, her words muffled against his shoulder as she fought back a laugh that came out more as a strangled sob.

    Smiling wryly, Angel gently brushed a kiss against Buffy's forehead as he thought back to the boy that the small slayer had been forced to leave behind - to the way that he looked at her.  "Are you happy?" he asked, his voice low as his words rumbled against her cheek.

    "Sometimes," Buffy whispered, forgoing her usual platitudes for the blunt honesty that she could only really use with Angel.  After all, there were no secrets from Angel - never had been.  Just because her heart no longer belonged to him didn't change that, for in a way, Buffy knew that she would never stop loving him.  Even though her heart sang for another, another part of her would always remember what they shared - what they would always share.  "I... I miss my mom, and it's still hard to deal with everything that happened - everything that I did while under their control," she whispered, smiling wryly as she realized that from her earlier display down in the garage, he understood this all too well.  A smile that quickly slipped and then faltered altogether with her next words.  "Angel, I killed," she murmured, pulling away slightly to look up into his beautiful brown eyes.  "I killed humans," she repeated as the tears brimmed once more in her eyes.  "And it doesn't matter if they would have killed me, because I still killed them."

    Sighing softly, Angel knew that he could offer no words of comfort to ease the pain that she was feeling.  In truth, there were no such words of comfort to assuage her of the painful guilt that he knew she was feeling.  He knew her pain firsthand and he understood only too well that it was a pain that she would always live with.  Angel himself had lived with that pain for close to a hundred years now, and at times it was still and fresh and biting as it was in that very first moment when sanity returned to him long enough to remind him of what Angelus had done.  "But you're not alone," he finally whispered, settling on the one statement that he knew to be true.  And even though he was referring to himself and her friends, he knew to who else he was making reference to.

    "I know," Buffy whispered, as she turned her eyes down and looked at the hands that she had cradled in her lap.  "Harry's been helping me a lot and... and I think I'm working through it," she admitted as she lifted her eyes once more, desperately searching his for some sign that he truly did understand.  "He makes me happy."

    Swallowing the lump that was building in his throat, Angel slowly nodded past his own tears as a genuine smile lifted his lips.  "Then I'm happy for you," he returned, and despite the pain that her words brought, Angel knew that he meant them.  To see Buffy happy was worth all of the pain in the world, and if this boy could bring it to her, then he would give her the reassurances and support that she so desperately needed.

    And despite the warmth that his words did bring, Buffy found herself unable to return his smile.  Instead, she felt the tears blur her vision before breaking free and trailing unhindered down her pale cheeks.  If she were with anyone else but Angel, Buffy knew that she probably would have been mortified at how easily she let down her guard, allowing her emotions free.  But it was Angel, and with that thought in mind Buffy allowed herself to be pulled forward, his arms wrapping tightly around her and holding her close as quiet sobs began to wrack her small form.  "I- I don't know if I did the right thing," she gasped in between pained lungfuls of air, her arms circling Angel's body and holding onto him for dear life.  "Harry's going to face him and I don't know if he can do it alone... I... I think I love him," she admitted, her final coherent statement dissolving under a wave of fresh tears, lost to the pain of her breaking heart.

To be continued...