DISCLAIMER AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: All Buffy The Vampire Slayer stuff belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fiction. All other characters that appear belong to me. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies may be made for private use only and must include this copyright notice and disclaimer.

Maternal Feelings
By Kristjan Brezovnik

Faith was on the run. She had been ever since Wesley and his team had tried to kidnap her, but as if that wasn't enough, she had found out she was pregnant. The thought of having a baby terrified her, but the longer she was on the run, the more protective she felt toward her unborn baby, until she was determined to protect it no matter the cost.

She climbed up on a roof and then looked down and watched as the Council operatives searched for her below. She stared at them for a few moments and then moved on. She ran across the roofs, wondering where she could steal a fast car.

Ten minutes later, she was approaching a mall with a large parking lot when she suddenly noticed a car speeding up. She had a bad feeling and she started to run to the mall. She went straight to a security officer and then waited for the Council operatives to show up. When they did, she told the security officer that the men were armed. The officer approached the operatives, his hand on his gun, and Faith quickly left.

The Council men left as well, not wanting to cause a commotion.

Faith left the mall through a back door, but unfortunately, some of the operatives had gone around the back, wanting to make sure that she wouldn't escape. Two of them caught her by surprise, but she quickly dealt with them. She disarmed them and then knocked them out.

But the fight cost her precious seconds and another couple of operatives came around the corner. When they saw her knock out their fellow operatives, the pulled their guns and started shooting at her. Faith quickly ran away. She had almost reached the corner when she felt a dull pain in her back. She looked down and saw a hole in her stomach. She stared at it for a few moments, shocked, before her body registered what had happened and her legs gave out. She fell to her knees, gripping her side.

She hyperventilated for a few moments, but then she forced herself to calm down. She got up and continued to run.

When she saw a police car slowly pull over to check up on the men the security officer had warned them about, Faith didn't hesitate. She ran straight for the car, not caring that they might arrest her later, all that mattered was her baby.

"Help me," she said, trembling.

"What the…" the driver said, startled.

"Save my baby," Faith said and fell to her knees, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Crap. Call 911, we got a pregnant woman shot in the stomach," the driver ordered as he moved to help Faith. "Then get the first aid kit."

"Yes, Sir."

"They shot me," Faith said and pointed the way she'd come.

The driver looked and saw the two operatives. He quickly pulled his gun, but the operatives saw him and quickly left.

"And call for reinforcement, there are a couple of shooters here."

When Faith woke up, she was dizzy at first. Her stomach hurt a bit and she felt tired. She slowly opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times to focus her vision. She frowned when she realized she was in a hospital. But then she remembered.

"My baby!" she said and tried to sit up, but the pain in her side quickly convinced her not to.

She tried to touch her wound, but her hands hit something. She looked and saw that she was handcuffed to the bed rail. She was confused for a few moments, until she remembered the police car and realized that the police had probably identified her.

She was about to rip the handcuffs off when a police officer came in.

"I'll call a doctor," he said.

"My baby," Faith said, afraid of the worst.

"I think she's okay," the officer said and smiled a bit.

"She?" Faith said, startled.

"It's a girl. I'll be right back."

Faith stared at the door for a few moments and then lay back. She suddenly realized she was a mother now, she had a daughter. She felt proud and scared at the same time. She was proud that she could bring a life into the world and scared because she had no idea how to take care of the baby. Then she realized that she had no idea if she could at all. She knew she could easily escape, but that would solve nothing, the Council and the police would still be after her and her baby would still be in danger, and that was unacceptable. She decided to consider her options.

She could run, but that would solve nothing, so the idea was out. Next, she could lie to the police. She could probably pull it off, but the Council would still be after her and the baby would still be in danger. Third, she could admit what she'd done and go to jail. That would take care of the cops and perhaps the Council as well. Of course, there were two problems. One, she would have to lie about Buffy's part, and two, she wouldn't be able to take care of her daughter.

She was startled out of her thoughts by the door opening.

"My, you really are awake," the doctor said, clearly surprised. "I'm Doctor Springer. How do you feel?"

"Five by five," Faith said, and Springer raised an eyebrow, confused. She sighed. "Fine."

"I see."

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"How's my baby?" she then asked.

"She'll be okay," Springer said as he went about checking the monitors.

"Will?" Faith asked, worried.

"Well, when you were shot, the bullet went through your womb and hit the baby's leg."

"What?" Faith said, scared, her eyes wide as saucers.

"Don't worry, she'll be fine. The bullet only grazed her leg and didn't break the bone nor hurt anything else. Right now, she's in an incubator."

"Why?" Faith asked, still worried.

"Because she was born a bit prematurely. Don't worry, she's healthy and she'll be out in a week or two."

Faith breathed a sigh of relief. Then she frowned as she remembered her worries.

"What will happen to her?"

"I don't know. As far as I know, that depends on you."

"Me?" Faith said, startled.

"Yes. I was told you are wanted for questioning."

"Eh, yeah?"

"Well, if you go to jail, the social services might either take her away or, depending on the prison you're sent to, you might be allowed to take care of her."

"In jail?" Faith said, surprised.

"Yes."

Faith thought about it and decided she didn't want her baby to grow up in prison.

"What… What if I can find someone to take care of her?" she asked hesitantly.

Springer frowned, thinking.

"Well, in that case, I believe that person would probably be allowed to take care of the baby. At least it would take her out of the system."

"Oh," Faith said, relieved a bit. "Can I make a phone call?"

Springer glanced at the police officer.

"I don't think they would approve of you making phone calls."

"Can you make one for me?"

Springer hesitated for a moment.

"Sure."

"Do you have something to write on?"

Springer searched his pockets and finally found a letter.

Faith gave him the number.

"Her name is Joyce Summers," she added.

"Family?" Springer asked.

Faith sighed.

"I wish," she murmured. "No," she said out loud.

"I see. I'll call her."

"Thanks," Faith said, suddenly nervous about what to say to Joyce. The she remembered something. "Can… Can I see her?" she asked. "My daughter."

"That's up to the police, I'm afraid," Springer said.

Faith looked at the officer.

"I'm afraid the detectives will have to talk to you first," the officer said.

"I'm not talking to any detective until I'm sure my baby will be taken care of."

"Is Mrs Summers going to take care of her?"

Faith sighed.

"I hope so."

"I'll tell the detectives."

Joyce came two days later.

"Faith?" she said softly when she entered.

Faith opened her eyes and looked at her.

"Mrs S."

Joyce smiled a bit and came closer.

"How do you feel? Doctor Springer said you've been shot."

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Good." Joyce looked around and then fetched herself a chair. "Doctor Springer said you wanted to talk to me about something," she said when she sat down.

"Yeah," Faith said and took a deep breath, nervous. She gulped. "I… Eh… I have a… a baby."

"You do?" Joyce said, surprised.

"Yeah," Faith said, nodding.

"A boy or a girl?"

"A girl," Faith said and smiled a bit. Then her smile faded as she thought about what to say next. "I, em, I'm going to jail and I was, em, hoping that, em, you would take care of her. My daughter, I mean." She started to tremble, but she balled her hands into fists and forced herself to stop. "Please," she added in a quiet voice, begging.

Joyce stared at her for a few moments, surprised.

"I… eh… I…"

"Please," Faith whispered, holding back the tears.

Joyce took a deep breath.

"I need to think about it."

Faith tensed, afraid that that was it. She nodded.

"Okay," she croaked and looked away.

Joyce hesitated for a few moments and then got up. At the door, she turned and saw a tear slide down Faith's cheek, which Faith apparently didn't notice. She sighed and left.

"Excuse me," she said when she got to the nursery. "I'm looking for Faith Spencer's daughter."

The nurse looked around and then pointed.

"The second incubator."

Joyce frowned.

"Incubator?"

"Yes, she was born a bit prematurely."

"Oh." Joyce went to the incubator and frowned when she saw the bandage on the baby's leg. "What happened to her leg?" she asked, glancing at the nurse.

The nurse came closer.

"Faith was shot in the stomach and the bullet grazed the baby's leg," she explained.

Joyce looked at her, shocked.

"What?"

"We had to take the baby out."

"Will she be okay?" Joyce asked and looked back at the baby.

"Yes. She's healthy and she'll be out in a week or so."

"Oh." Joyce thought for a moment. "What will happen to her?"

The nurse shrugged.

"The social services will probably take her, unless she has a family."

"Oh." Joyce sighed and looked around the incubator. "What's her name?" she asked when she only saw the last name on the baby's wrist tag.

"She doesn't have one yet."

"Oh." She glanced at the nurse. "Thank you."

The nurse nodded and left.

Joyce stared at the unnamed girl, thinking. She liked Faith and she was worried when she heard what Faith had done. She knew Faith had probably been scared and she had wanted to help her, but then Faith had been kidnapped by that idiot Wesley and then ran away.

Joyce sighed. She wanted to help Faith and one way was to make sure that the baby was okay. She smiled when the baby flailed with her arms and legs. She wondered how Buffy would react to the baby.

When Joyce returned to Faith's room, Faith tensed, afraid that Joyce would say no.

"I'll take her," Joyce said when she saw how tense Faith was.

Faith breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," she croaked.

A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly wiped it.

"Who shot you?" Joyce asked.

Faith sighed.

"Council guys."

"Why?"

Faith shrugged.

"I knocked two of them out and the two more came and shot at me."

"I saw they hit the baby."

Faith shuddered at the memory.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I'm glad she's okay." Joyce thought for a moment. "What's her name?"

Faith frowned.

"I… I haven't thought about it yet."

Joyce raised an eyebrow, surprised.

"You haven't?"

Faith shook her head.

"No. I've… I've had other things to think about."

"Oh." Joyce smiled a bit. "Any ideas?"

Faith frowned, thinking.

"Hope," she finally said. "She's Hope," she whispered.

Joyce nodded, understanding.

"That's a nice name."

Faith nodded.

"Can you tell that cop outside to call the detectives?"

"Detectives?"

Faith nodded.

"Yeah, I need to make a statement."

"Oh. Do you want me to be here when you make it?"

Faith looked at her, surprised, and then quickly looked away, ashamed. She shook her head.

"No," she said.

"Okay. I'll go see the social services about Hope, okay?"

Faith nodded.

"Yes. Thank you."

Joyce smiled.

"You're welcome."

Joyce left and Faith took a deep breath.

A couple of days later, Faith was fit enough to be released from the hospital and moved to LA. Joyce had taken care of the papers regarding Hope, so Faith was relieved about that.

"Okay, Faith, time to go," one of the detectives said when Faith was dressed.

"I'll bring Hope to visit, so you can…" Joyce started.

"No," Faith interrupted her, shaking her head. "I… I don't… I… I don't want her to know about me."

"Why not?" Joyce said, surprised.

Faith took a deep breath.

"I want her to have a happy childhood, I don't want her to know her mom's in jail. Or why." She hesitated for a moment. "And I need some time alone to think."

Joyce stared at her for a few moments and then nodded.

"Okay," she said and smiled softly. "And don't worry, I'll take good care of Hope."

Faith nodded, fighting back the tears.

"I know. Thank you." She swallowed hard and looked at the detectives. "Can I see her? Just once?"

"You haven't seen her yet?" Joyce said, surprised.

Faith glanced at her and shook her head.

"No."

"Oh."

"Yes, I suppose," the detective said.

When they got to the nursery, Faith slowly approached the incubator.

"She's so pretty," she whispered, fighting back the tears. She touched the incubator with her hands. "And so tiny." She felt a big lump in her throat and she swallowed hard. "Can I touch her?" she asked. A tear slid down her cheek and she quickly wiped it. "Please?"

The detectives looked at one another.

"Can she?" one of them finally asked the nurse.

"Yes, of course," the nurse allowed.

"Okay," the detective said and reached over to unlock Faith's cuffs. "Don't try anything funny," he warned her, but Faith had eyes only for Hope.

When she felt that her hand was free, she slowly reached into the incubator. She hesitated for a few moments, running her hands above Hope's body, and then gently touched her.

"She's so warm," she whispered and another tear slid down her cheek. She held her hand still for a few moments. "And soft," she added as she gently ran her hand across Hope's belly and chest.

Finally, when her emotions threatened to overwhelm her, she gently caressed Hope's cheek and pulled her hand out.

"Thank you," she whispered as she let the detective cuff her again.

"Come," the detective said when she was cuffed again, and gently pushed her.

Faith sobbed for a moment and then took a deep breath to calm down. She took one last look at Hope and then left.

Joyce quietly stared after her, feeling like crying herself. She took a deep breath and looked at Hope again.

"You'll see your mommy again, I promise."

Six years later, Buffy took Hope to the prison where Faith was. She wanted Hope to be the first person Faith would see when she got out. Unfortunately, once they got there, they found out that Faith had been released a bit early. She wondered where Faith might have gone. After much thinking, she figured that Faith might have gone to the LA bus station to get a ride… wherever she was going. So they drove to the bus station and waited, hoping that they weren't too late.

Several hours later, Buffy finally saw Faith buy a ticket and sit down.

"See, honey, that's your mommy over there," she said and pointed at Faith.

"She looks different," Hope observed.

Buffy smiled.

"Yes, she's older." She thought for a moment. "Why don't you go talk to her?"

Hope frowned.

"What do I say?"

"Ask her about herself and don't tell her who you are, except your name. Okay? Act like she's a stranger."

"Okay," Hope said after a moment of hesitation.

"Will you be okay?"

Hope nodded and smiled.

"Uh-huh. I'm just nervous."

Buffy smiled back.

"I know, me too. Go."

Hope took a deep breath and headed toward her mother.

Faith was busy staring at the wall, trying not to think about anything, when she was startled out of her thoughts.

"Hi, I'm Hope," Hope said as she sat beside her.

Faith looked at her, startled. There was something familiar about her, but she knew it couldn't be her Hope. She sighed and looked away.

Hope was confused by the reaction.

"What's your name?" she asked.

Faith looked at her again.

"Faith."

Hope smiled.

"That's a nice name."

"Yeah. Whatever," Faith said and looked away again.

Hope thought for a moment.

"Where are you going?"

"None of your business," Faith snapped and immediately regretted. She looked at Hope and sighed when she saw her lower lip was quivering. "I'm sorry. I'm just… tense, I guess."

"Oh." Hope waited for a few moments, but Faith didn't answer her question. "Where are you going?" she repeated it.

Faith stared at her for a few moments and then decided she could waste the time by talking to the girl.

"Boston."

Hope frowned.

"That's on the east coast. Right?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you going there?"

Faith shrugged.

"I was born there."

"Oh. And what are you doing here?"

Faith hesitated for a moment.

"I was in jail."

"Why?"

Faith sighed.

"Because I killed a man."

"Why?"

"It was an accident."

"Why?"

Faith glared at her, annoyed.

"He was at the wrong place at the wrong time and I wasn't paying attention," she said coldly.

"Oh."

Faith sighed.

"Sorry. It's a touchy subject."

Hope thought for a few moments.

"Are you going home?"

Faith looked away and sighed again.

"I don't have a home."

Hope frowned.

"What about your family?"

Faith opened her mouth and then closed it again.

"I don't have a family," she said quietly, and looked at her hands.

Hope's lower lip quivered again. She was confused, she thought Faith would say she had a daughter.

"Why not?" she asked quietly.

Faith shrugged.

"Tough luck, I guess."

Hope thought for a few moments.

"Did you have a family?"

Faith opened her mouth and then closed it again.

"No."

Hope was now really confused.

Faith took a deep breath and looked at Hope. She was confused when she saw that the girl had a sad face.

"Where are you from?"

Hope blinked.

"Sunnydale."

Faith tensed.

"Really?"

Hope nodded.

"Uh-huh. But then we moved here after it was destroyed."

Faith's eyes went wide.

"What? When?"

"Three years ago."

Faith started hyperventilating.

"Are you okay?" Hope asked, worried.

Faith blinked, startled, and looked at her.

"I… I… I need to go," she said and got up.

"Where are you going?" Hope asked when Faith picked up her bag.

"Sunnydale," Faith said and went toward the counter to change her ticket.

"Mommy, wait!" Hope called and ran after her.

Faith stopped abruptly and turned.

"What?"

Hope stopped, suddenly nervous.

"Eh…"

"What did you call me?"

"Mommy?"

Faith stared at her for a few moments and then looked around.

"B," she said when she saw Buffy coming closer.

"Hello, Faith," Buffy said with a smile. "Yes, she's your daughter," she said when Faith looked at Hope and then back at her.

"But… But…"

"She knows everything, Faith, we told her."

Faith stared at her for a few moments and then looked at Hope again. She felt a big lump in her throat and she started to hyperventilate.

"Mommy?" Hope asked, worried. She looked at Buffy. "Is she okay, Mama?"

"She's just shocked, honey," Buffy said and ruffled her hair.

"Oh."

"Why don't you give her a hug, hmm?"

Hope smiled a bit and slowly approached Faith, whose eyes got bigger and bigger as Hope came closer. When Hope reached Faith, she looked up at her with a big smile and then hugged her legs.

Faith gasped and a couple of tears escaped her eyes. She stared down at Hope, not sure how to react. She was happy that Hope was alive, and Buffy as well, but she was still afraid of how Hope would react to her, in spite of the fact that Hope apparently knew who she was and what she had done.

When she didn't respond, Hope let go of her and looked up, confused.

"Why don't you give her a hug, Faith," Buffy said.

Faith looked at her, startled, and then back at Hope, who reached up with her hands. Faith just stared at her for a few moments, almost afraid to pick her up. Finally, she put down her bag and then hesitantly reached down and picked up Hope, who smiled.

"I missed you, Mommy," Hope said and hugged Faith.

Faith tensed for a moment, but her arms instinctively wrapped themselves around Hope. A couple of sobs escaped her, but she forced herself to calm down.

"I missed you too," she whispered as she closed her eyes.

A few tears escaped from her eyes, but she didn't notice them as she rocked slightly left and right, hugging Hope tightly.

Buffy smiled, glad that Faith and Hope had accepted one another.

Hope finally yawned.

"Mommy?" she said and Faith opened her eyes, startled.

"Huh?"

"Can we go home now?" Hope asked when Faith looked at her.

"Eh…"

Faith looked at Buffy, confused, and Buffy smiled.

"Her home is your home, Faith," Buffy said. "If you want."

Faith stared at her for a few moments.

"What about the Council?" she then asked, worried.

"Don't worry, they're not a problem anymore," Buffy assured her. "Long story," she added when Faith raised an eyebrow.

"I…" Faith started and looked at Hope, who smiled at her and then yawned again.

"Looks like it's way past someone's bedtime," Buffy said with a smile.

"Uh-huh," Hope said, nodding. She looked back at Faith. "Can we go home now, Mommy?" she repeated her question.

Faith just stared at her for a few moments and then blinked.

"Eh, yeah, sure," she said and Hope smiled.

"Come," Buffy said, "this way."

"Wait, my, eh, bus ticket," Faith said.

"Oh. Give it to me, I'll see if I can return it."

Faith reached into her pocket and pulled out the bus ticket.

"Here," she said as she gave it to Buffy.

"I'll be right back," Buffy said and left.

Hope yawned again and leaned her head on Faith's shoulder.

Faith looked at her, startled.

Hope smiled at her and then closed her eyes, sleepy.

Faith stared at her for a while and then slowly, hesitantly, caressed her. She finally noticed that her cheeks were wet and she quickly wiped them.

"Here," Buffy said when she came back with the money.

Faith took it and then followed Buffy, who had taken her bag.

"Em," Faith said when they got to the car and it was time to get in.

Buffy looked at her and realized that Faith was wondering what to do with Hope. She smiled.

"Why don't you sit with her in the back and hold her, okay?"

Faith looked at Hope and then nodded. She got in and Buffy closed the door. Then she looked at Hope, who made herself comfortable in the new position. She sighed and leaned her head on Hope's, wondering what the future might bring.

"Welcome home, Faith," Buffy said with a smile as they entered the house.

Faith looked around.

"This is your house?" she asked.

"Yes. But Willow and Kennedy also live here."

"Oh."

Faith wondered who Kennedy was, but she didn't ask.

"They took Dawn on patrol so we could be alone."

"Dawn goes on patrol?" Faith asked, surprised.

"Yes," Buffy said with a smile. "She grew up."

"Oh." Faith listened for a moment, but she could hear no one else in the house. "What about your Mom?" she asked.

Buffy sighed.

"She's dead."

"What?" Faith said, her eyes wide.

"She had a tumor."

"Oh," Faith said, shocked.

"I'll explain later. Let's get Hope to bed now."

Buffy led the way upstairs and Faith followed her, thinking about Joyce's death.

"This is your room," Buffy said when they entered a room.

Faith looked around and was about to comment when she noticed the pictures of Hope attached to some sort of bulletin board. They were in chronological order, apparently taken on Hope's birthdays, but the one that caught Faith's eye was the first one, which showed Hope lying in the incubator. She dropped her bag and slowly approached the bulletin board, Hope trailing after her, wondering what was the matter. When she reached the board, Faith slowly reached up and gently touched the first photo.

"Mommy?" Hope asked.

Faith jerked and looked at her. She sighed and then forced herself to smile.

"Just some bad memories," she said.

"Oh."

Faith looked back at the photo.

"You were so tiny," she said quietly and ran her fingers across the photo.

A sob escaped her, but she forced herself to calm down.

"Mom said you only saw her briefly before they took you away," Buffy said.

Faith sighed and ran her fingers across the first photo.

"Yeah."

"Don't worry, you're gonna see a whole lot of her now."

Faith looked at her, smiling a bit.

"Thanks."

Buffy smiled.

"Come, let's go to Hope's room to get her pajamas first."

After they washed Hope, they took her back to her room and tucked her in.

"Night, honey," Buffy said and kissed her on the forehead.

"Night, Mama," Hope said.

Buffy stepped aside and looked at Faith expectantly.

Faith gulped and then slowly approached the bed. She kneeled beside it and then slowly reached out and caressed Hope, who smiled.

"Night, Mommy," Hope said.

Faith smiled at her.

"Night, baby," she said. She hesitated for a moment and then kissed her on the forehead. "Sweet dreams," she whispered when Hope closed her eyes.

She hesitated for a few moments and then got up.

After a long talk with Buffy about what had been going on while she was in prison, Faith decided to take a shower and go straight to bed. But as she dressed in her oversized t-shirt, she remembered Hope. She hesitated for a few moments and then went to Hope's room.

She quietly approached Hope's bed and kneeled beside it. She watched her daughter for a while and then slowly reached out and caressed her. Then she gently took Hope's hand into her own and rubbed her thumb against the back of Hope's hand. A tear ran down her cheek and se wiped it with her free hand.

"I love you so much, baby," she whispered.

She quietly observed her sleeping daughter and then finally rested her head on the bed and fell asleep, feeling happy.

The End