DISCLAIMER AND AUTHOR'S NOTE: All Xena stuff is the legal property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement was intended in the writing of this fiction. All other characters that appear belong to me. This story cannot be sold or used for profit in any way. Copies may be made for private use only and must include this copyright notice and disclaimer. This story was inspired by After the Volcano by Mary Morgan from PG Rated Xena Fiction Page. Read it, it's great!

The Longing
By Kristjan Brezovnik

Callisto was the first to wake up in the morning. She moaned quietly as the pain in her side reminded her that she should not move. She wondered how long she had been lying on the beach before the rescuers found her and a handful of other survivors. They put her on a stretcher and brought her here. They took care of her leg, she didn't protest. She wondered if they would help her had they known who she was. Probably not. She smiled briefly and tried to control the coughing. She couldn't and the pain in her side became stronger again. She was dying and she had only a couple of days left.

And then she noticed her. She quickly cloaked her hair and face and observed the young woman who came through the door. She noticed that the patients knew her. Callisto figured that the woman had been here before. She observed her as she slowly walked from bed to bed, looking for someone who wasn't there. Her face was calm and nice as if she was a professional healer, but Callisto knew that she wasn't, she was a bard.

The bard took her time even with the unconscious and even stopped by the dead for a moment. As she got closer, Callisto heard that beside taking care of the wounds and doing little favors she also told stories which made the suffering smile or cry and forget about their own pain.

Callisto knew that underneath that calm facade there were pain and fear and concern and they grew each time the bed was occupied by someone unfamiliar. For some reason Callisto felt uncomfortable watching the bard suffer.

Finally she got to her. Callisto wondered if she would be recognized.

"Hi," the woman said, "my name is Gabrielle. Are you alone?"

Callisto hesitated, surprised. She nodded.

"Do you want me to tell you a story?"

Again Callisto was surprised. She considered. She hadn't heard a story in a long time. Why not? She nodded.

Gabrielle thought, observing the only visible part of Callisto's body, her eyes.

"Your eyes remind me of someone. Her name is Callisto. Do you want me to tell you her story?"

Callisto was astonished. For a moment she wanted to drop her disguise and yell at Gabrielle, but she decided against it. Finally curiosity got the better of her and she nodded. Gabrielle took a deep breath and started.

"Long ago there was a little girl named Callisto. She lived with her mother and sister in a small village of Cirra. She was a happy, bright child until one day Xena came and took everything away. Only a few people were outside fighting, the rest were hiding in their houses. Suddenly fire broke out and spread over the village like a wave of death. This was the only time Xena was responsible for the death of women and children.

There were not many survivors, but one of them was Callisto. The fire took everything away from her and all that was left in her charred soul were hate and desire to revenge, the innocence of childhood was gone. She…"

Callisto listened to Gabrielle's version of her life, surprised. There was no hate or condemnation or pity, only sympathy and compassion and desire to help. She felt strange being… loved? by some she had hurt.

"…and maybe one day Callisto will find happiness and love again," Gabrielle finished her story.

Callisto felt… moved? She noticed that Gabrielle's eyes were wet, but somehow it didn't surprise her. She jerked as Gabrielle caressed her hand and left. She stared after her as she went from bed to bed making people forget their pain.

When she finally got to the last bed, Callisto noticed that she winced before taking care of the last patient. Apparently she didn't find the person she was looking for. Callisto knew full well who the bard was looking for.

After taking care of the last patient Gabrielle went to the children and brightened up their mood. Callisto noticed that she ate very little and gave most of the food to children.

When the night came, Gabrielle left. For some reason Callisto felt bad. She shook and stopped thinking about it, but the thought kept nagging from the depths of her mind.

The next morning Gabrielle returned. Again she went from bed to bed, making the occupants forget their pain. Callisto noticed that there was sand and ash on her boots, she had probably been on the shore, watching the sea, hoping. Callisto saw that she was paler than the day before and that she tried very hard to hide her pain, but it was getting harder and harder. Callisto wondered what she would do if she never found Xena again or if she found her dead. She didn't think the bard will be able to bear it and she felt sorry for her.

Finally Gabrielle got to Callisto.

"Hello," she said, smiling. "Do you want to hear another story?"

Callisto decided to take a chance.

"How about one about Xena?"

Callisto was surprised. Why not? she thought and nodded.

"Once there was a young woman. She…"

Callisto listened as Gabrielle described Xena, her best friend and Callisto's worst enemy. She knew that Xena and Gabrielle cared deeply for each other, but still she was surprised when she realized how deep their love was. She herself didn't care much for love, it only hurt, but hearing Gabrielle speak, she wished she had someone like Gabrielle, who would love her and whom she could love. Theodorus was probably the only person who cared about her. Well, maybe Gabrielle cared too. She knew that many of her soldiers were willing to die for her, but she felt that they didn't care, not the way Theodorus did… or Gabrielle.

Suddenly Callisto noticed a tall raven-haired warrior coming through the door. She immediately recognized her. Xena. For some reason she didn't feel the urge to kill her or hurt her and it disturbed her. She saw Xena slowly look over the room, a look of pain and fear in her eyes. Finally her eyes stopped on the bard and the look in her eyes was replaced by the look of love. Even the tiredness disappeared. She watched Xena as she walked among the beds, approaching her friend.

Gabrielle had finished her story. She caressed Callisto's hand again and got up. Suddenly she felt a presence behind her. She gulped and took a deep breath. Callisto knew why. She didn't want to be disappointed again. The Gabrielle slowly turned and found herself staring at a tall warrior. For a moment she couldn't believe it, but when the warrior reached out with her arms, she knew this was real. She plunged herself into the warrior's embrace and silently cried. Callisto was surprised to see that Xena was also crying. She felt jealous, but at the same time she felt glad that Gabrielle was happy.

Finally, Xena broke the hug. Callisto had a feeling that it lasted forever.

"Gabrielle," she said, holding her hands.

"Xena," Gabrielle said.

Xena smiled and wiped Gabrielle's tears. Gabrielle also smiled and Xena caressed her hair. They hugged briefly again and then darkness surrounded Callisto.

Darkness. And pain. Pain? Well, it was Tartarus. Still, it wasn't the same as the last time she was there, it didn't hurt so much. And the pain, it was different. And there was something else. Callisto strained her senses and tried to find out what it was. Caresses? She was confused. And then she heard voices. But they weren't accusing her, they were calming her. What is going on? She tried to discern how many voices there were and discovered there were only two. She heard one of the voices most of the time while the other only occasionally joined. She was confused. Even more confusing was the fact that the pain seemed to be disappearing.

She lay there, listening to the voices, trying to hear what they were saying. She had a feeling it was a story. Story? Suddenly she realized that she recognized the voice which was doing most of the talking. Gabrielle! She was confused. Apparently she was still alive. She had a bad feeling about who saved her life. Then she realized that she was probably unconscious or in a coma. She tried to open her eyes. Nothing happened at first, but suddenly a bright flash of light disturbed the darkness. Callisto quickly closed her eyes and then slowly started to open them again.

"Okay, it's my turn," she heard someone say and felt that the grip on her hand was gone.

Gabrielle.

"Xena, look, she's waking up."

Callisto saw Xena turn. Gabrielle took her hand and caressed her hair.

"How do you feel, Callisto?" she asked.

Callisto tried to move and moaned as her side protested.

"Don't move," Gabrielle warned her.

Callisto stared at the bard for a few moments and then at Xena.

"Come, Gabrielle," Xena said, "I think she wants to be alone."

Gabrielle glanced at Xena and then at Callisto.

"Okay," she said and got up.

Callisto watched them leave and then stared at the ceiling. She was right, it was Xena who had saved her life. She wondered why. She knew what Gabrielle would have said, because she was hurt. Xena was another matter. So confusing. Has she really changed or is she doing this because of Gabrielle. She sighed and tried to control the coughing. She couldn't and another wave of pain hit her.

As the day passed by Callisto noticed that sanctuary wasn't so full anymore and that the people were leaving. She wondered how long she had been in a coma.

Toward the evening Xena and Gabrielle came to check up on her. Xena was quiet, avoiding her look, while Gabrielle kept talking. Callisto avoided her look and concentrated on what Xena was doing.

Then the two friends left her and went to their bedrolls. Callisto closed her eyes and tried to sleep, but she couldn't. She finally opened her eyes again and looked around. She noticed that Gabrielle was cuddled against Xena's back, her arm around the warrior's waist. She noticed that Xena was holding her hand. They both looked happy and it made Callisto feel even worse. She recalled how she and her sister used to press themselves against their mother every time a storm hit the village. She felt so safe then. On one hand she missed it, but on the other she was afraid to care, because it hurt so much when the person she cared about was gone. She remembered Gabrielle's stories about her and about Xena and thought about what Gabrielle had said. Slowly she fell asleep.

When she woke up the next morning, Callisto noticed that Xena had already awakened and was staring at her. She saw that she wasn't moving because she didn't want to wake the bard. Just like mama. She sighed and was surprised to find out that her eyes were wet. She blinked her eyes and turned her head.

She was in the middle of thinking when Xena came. Callisto looked and saw that Gabrielle was already up and was on her way over.

"How do you feel?" Xena asked.

Callisto thought.

"I don't know," she said sincerely.

Xena glanced at her, confused, and pinched her.

"Hello," Gabrielle said as she came to the bed. "How is she, Xena?"

"I'll tell you in a minute," Xena said and took off the bandage. "She'll live," she declared and looked at Callisto. "You'll have to lay still for a couple of days and then take it easy for a few months."

Callisto nodded. She observed Xena as she cleaned her wound and redressed it again. Maybe it's time to change, she thought and shivered at the thought.

Xena stopped and looked at her.

"Sorry. Are you okay?"

Callisto nodded and returned to thinking. Maybe someday she will find happiness and love again, but she's going to have to do something drastic about it. Drastic for her that is. She sighed and looked at Gabrielle, who was now tending to the remaining patients. She noticed how much livelier she looked now that she knew that Xena was safe. Callisto found herself smiling and she immediately put an end to it. What's wrong with me?

Xena was soon done and she left, avoiding Callisto's look.

"Xena," Callisto called after her.

Xena turned, surprised, and returned to Callisto.

"What is it?"

Callisto stared straight into her. She saw that Xena was fighting hard not to look away. For the first time Callisto realized that Xena was ashamed of what she had done and that she wanted desperately to repair it, despite the fact that she couldn't. All she could do was to prevent it from happening to someone else.

"Nothing," Callisto finally said and Xena left, confused.

Callisto stared after her. So much to think about.

Finally Gabrielle came to her.

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

Callisto nodded.

"I'll get you some soup."

Gabrielle left and soon returned with a plate of soup and Xena. Gabrielle put the soup on the floor and Xena helped her lift Callisto and put some pillows behind her back so she could sit. Xena then left and Gabrielle picked up the plate. Callisto tried to take it, but her hands were weak.

"I'll feed you," Gabrielle offered.

Callisto looked at her, astonished, but she finally nodded. Gabrielle started to feed her. Callisto felt like a child again. She remembered when she was sick and her mother fed her.

When the plate was empty, Gabrielle got up.

"Gabrielle," Callisto said.

Gabrielle turned.

"Maybe someday," Callisto said.

Gabrielle didn't comprehend it at first. Finally she did and she smiled.

"I hope so," she said and left.

The End