i dream, i had a dream. i dreamt that i lived with my friend Oriana.  She had a cockatiel. i went outside and found a very interesting piece of farming equipment.  A fine metal mesh on a supple frame with a large hook in the center from which it could be suspended. i brought the object home.  When i walked into my room with the object i was mesmerized by it.  So it wasn't until i was all way into the room that I noticed the birds.  There was an owl sitting on the bedpost, a pigeon by the window, over in the corner a very distraught sparrow began fluttering about spasmodically, her eyes were fixated on me.  i turned quickly around leaving the room. i went to the table in the living room thinking to get some of the bird food that we kept there for the cockatiel.  Two feet away from the food dish lie the body of the cockatiel.  Her neck was cocked at 30-degree angle; her feet were tightly curled and drawn against her belly. i leaned the object against the leg of the table. i picked up the dish of birdseed and went back into the bedroom with it in hand. The other birds were in the same places they had been when i left the room.  The owl turned to look at me quizzically.  Suddenly i was back in the apartment that i live in now. i was on the telephone to my physiotherapist inviting him over for dinner; i was standing by his desk inviting him over for dinner. i remember saying, "i'm doing better now, if I'm not your patient anymore would it be okay/i mean could you/would you like to/ come over for dinner?"  Of course there was no reply.  As i have never asked the question.  Now i am awake.  Sunshine streams in over my right shoulder.  There are pushpins on the floor in the living room, coffee grounds beneath a broken plate on the floor in the kitchen. i have been  awake  for forty-five  minutes  it is ten to nine.
i feel impotent.