CAPTIVITY
This sprouted from the bowels of my boredom
only to be spewed here. Read if you want, and if
you just can't live until I know how you feel, you
can email me: hemlock_addiction@yahoo.com

                                                  "Hesitation"
                                               By: Georgina C.

       People wander from decision to decision, and have lack any justification for who they
are, their being, except for their past. They will their life to remain as it had been in the
happiest of moments, capture it with a picture and wander into a hopeless battle, a fight for
a misinterpretation, a fight against the inevitable, change.
       Change is thrust upon everyone's existence at one time or another, yet they are
rendered helpless, and with every breathe make decisions that can not lead them to the
past. In hurried excitement I clung to a conclusion that the only way i could escape the
suffering of existence was to let go completely.
       I sat with drops of coffee that filled the last of my cup; smoke loomed in the air above
me, exhaled currents in the crisp November air. Daylight breached the first of the clouds;
plants and birds sprung to life; the roses that were most prevalent in the garden filled the
morning with perfume, hinting at the way my life had been weeks earlier. There, I sat as a
statue does, quietly observing the cycles of the day unaware of the stormy thoughts
residing just below the surface. Thoughts of who I was laid at my feet. The memories
taunted my mind, begging to rise into awareness. But I ignored them, and sometime in the
night I resigned myself to this new life, but that resignation had not been fully accepted; I
grieved for my lost self and strained to keep hold of it.
       I heard footsteps inside the house and forgot myself as I lept back into reality. I ran to
the edge of the patio and crashed into the door. As I slid the door open and stepped inside
my eyes widened and I gasped, and it dawned on me that there hadn't been anyone
walking inside. I turned my back on the sliding glass door; hesitantly moved my hand to
close it, resisting what had just happened for a moment. My mind was reeling with the
implications of my fathers death. Shock enveloped me. A horrific noise filled my ears with
muffled echoes when the door slammed shut. I was not there.
       The house was still, silent surroundings. I stood naked and barren. In murky light
memories flooded each second until they had completely washed me over. Covered head
and confused senses, with every shudder more control was lost; the shudders mounted on
one another until the patio rose to meet my graceless fall.
       Pride had abandoned me. I violently pounded my fist on the pebble-stone ground;
each time left me gasping. My screams were inaudible. One last yell, one last cry and it
would be done. My chest heaved as I called out for release. My cry reverberated off the
walls enclosing this pathetic state; no one was going to answer me. I had nothing left to
give. However, I managed to curl myself into a trembling ball, restraining the urge to lose all
control, in raspy sobs I repeated, "It's not fair."
       All at once the day was in full swing. I got up and began to slowly crawl to one of the
patio chairs. I lit another cigarette and tried desperately not to acknowledge my existence.
       People die, its inevitable but there was a part of me that held onto childhood ideas. My
father was invincible wasn't he? It was only the day after, but I realized then that I needed
to part myself from all tangible emotions; anything was better than the feeling of loss. I
commented myself to this delusion.

"A glass sat in front of me"
by: Georgina Carr

To draw from my own memories
past events, painstaking rambles
I lack the knowledge to know where to
begin
from one idea to the next,
lost in a sea of distractions... I float
This undertaking has left me flawed
I have a story but no context
make another person figure out this mess
of scribbles and notes
it seems unlikely

"ghost"
by: Georgina Carr

confusion sets in
from the chaos within
a tantalizing taste
of a new mistake
i breathe you in
lift the sin
I'm done, I'm gone
five minutes of fame
a whole new game
the rush is taken
I'm forsaken, the past is new to
you
but forever with me