What It Means To Be A Man....September 6, 1999

What It Means To Be A Man....September 6, 1999

....seems to be the general recurring theme throughout Lamb's I Know This Much Is True. While he does not give specific answers, he does guide the reader to some poignant conclusions. What he does best, though, is to point out why men today are struggling valiantly with gender identity.

For generations now, mostly due to depression and war, fathers have been absent, and boys have been left to be raised by their mothers. It is impossible to expect women to teach their sons about gender identity because they cannot relate to the male experience any more than men can relate to women's. For the better part of this century, men have lost the essence of their identiy because their fathers have not been around to pass it on, or because the fathers, too, never learned for themselves.

Feminism has made great strides for women, particularly in the latter part of this century. Admittedly, they still have a long way to go. While this socio-political movement has exceptionally pointed out what men should not be, it cannot and should not make conclusions about what men should be. That needs to be left to those who have first hand knowledge of the male experience: men.

There is great debate in academic circles about whether or not men can call themselves feminists. I do not think that they can, simply because men do not know what being a woman is like. Men can be pro-feminist, but I feel that it minimizes the power of feminism for men to coopt the label. Besides, why should we want to? Men have a great deal further to go with respect to gender identity theory than women do; we have fallen drastically behind. While we must certainly draw upon the teachings of feminism, I feel we need to start looking at what it is that we men need and want to contribute to society as a gender.

Let's face it, men and women are different. We have different body structure and different chemical makeups. This is not to say that one gender is better at something than another, but it does mean that we have can have entirely different responses to situations.

It is a slow process, but it is happening. Men's groups are forming all over the continent, and more books are being published. Of great emphasis in these forums is male emotion. We are socialized to believe that the only emotion we are permitted to express is anger. When we do, we are chastized or imprisoned for it. Men are starting to realize how unnecessary and unhealthy it is to continuously repress emotions over a long period of time. Men are starting to recognize the emotional comfort that can be found in other men, and that simply hugging each other need not be so tremendously threatening. Men are discovering that being emotive need not be a statement of sexual identity.

While over time, through generations, we may become more sensitive, more emotive, and more confident in out manhood, don't expect us to stop scratching.

....Blessed Be